Hi everyone, I'm feeling I really need to talk to someone outside my family and friends about this one, cause they're all driving me mad! H2B and I are positive we don't want a wedding list, cos we've been living together for a while, and don't really need anything. Our house is completely full of stuff, and we would feel really fraudulent asking for anything, since we are probably better off than a lot of the people coming to the wedding. Everyone keeps telling me that it makes it harder when there isn't a list, and that the only acceptable alternative is asking for donations for charity. However, we are already having RNLI pin badges for wedding favours, and I think asking for donations would be a bit over the top. I thought of asking everyone to buy us a lottery ticket, but H2B reckons it would be embarrassing and could cause problems if we won. Please help me!

[Modified by: Eek! on 28 November 2008 21:38:08 ]

how about suggesting vouchers for a holiday u cud use them 2wards ur honeymoon or for a holiday later on.

we are in same position!
getting married next april but dont need anything because we been living together 2 years!

We are honeymooning in Aus so we have just put on our invites 'in lieu of a present Australian Dollars would be appreciated'

I felt cheeky at first asking for that but EVERYBODY that goes to a wedding buys a gift and why get something you dont want?

I wouldnt think it was cheeky if I received an invite asking for vouchers or foreign currency, Id be relieved I didnt have to spend time thinking of a good present! lol

hope this helped?
Andrea
x

We are in the same boat and while we aren't going to have an 'offical' wedding list we are giving my mum a list of things that we would quite like but would never buy ourselves.
Most of the stuff we have was bought when we started uni and so is now looking a little battered or was really bad quality to start with so I ma making a list of stuff that could do with being replaced.
Our reception is in the church hall and therefore there is no bar and I can't afford to hire one so we are asking people to bring their own drinks instead of buying us a gift but then giving the people who have said they want to buy us something some options as well.
A friend of mine asked for gift vouchers which was really good as she just listed a range of shops (from places like boots and m&s to places like harrods) so she and hubby could buy a few treats when they got back from their honeymoon. Restaurant vouchers are also good as then you have a good reason to go out for a meal together after the honeymoon.

We're in a similar position - apart from having lived together for ages and having spent a lot of time and effort doing up the house so that it's as close to perfect as possible - we are getting married in Scotland but live in Spain so it's unfeasable to cart any gifts back with us! Here in Spain people don't usually give presents but rather money - usually enough to cover the cost of their cover plus a little extra if they can afford it. However, the normal route here is to have a wedding bank account that people transfer the money into directly and that seems a little odd to me.

So now, what do we do?? All of our Spanish friends will be very surprised if our invite doesn't have the wedding account number on it whereas I feel all of my Scottish friends and family would be appalled if there were just an account number there.

H2B and I have been wrangling over this one for a few days so any input here would be greatly appreciated!

Sorry for hijacking your thread Eek! Just hoping advice given to you will help me too. :)

hi. i resently went to a wedding where they solved this problem...theyve been living togerther since she was 16, now 25, so didnt NEED any "house"presents.....
Instead they wrote an small wedding list for gifts they would live to have but never actually buy, like the "good china", or crystal glasses, or silver cutlery set...the posh things youd use at special occasions. but this list was only given to immediate family,as they want to give you a gift.
In addition, to other wedding guests, a amon donation box was put at the back of the reception hall, people could give as much or as little as they liked, and youd never be able to guess how much one person had spent(imagine finding a holiday voucher for £x, but some could put in £x and youd never know). this could help with the fact that as you said some people may not be as well off as you are, they may be embarassed about not giving you enough.

This money can be spend on any thing youd like, items you actually want, honey moon, or even go towards the wedding.

another idea is have this at the engagement party or before the wedding instead of at the wedding itself, people are then able to make you dream day come true...ie granny paid for flowers, and aunty julie paid for the car etc.....

just an idea,

How about one painting that everyone pays towards?

We are in the same position, have been living together for 2 years and joined two houses to do that, so we have 2 of some things and everything we need.

We are intending to ask for cash instead of having a wedding list. Some people think this is a bit cheeky but when you already have everything you need people will not knw what to get and end up buying ornaments and then you'll get lots of things you don't need.

I found thus really nice poem asking for cash instead of gifts which says at the end that there attendance is the most important thing.

To find it type 'polite wedding cash' on ebay.

i dont think asking for money instead of presents is a bad thing....

i think you should make a small list of a few things becuase there will always be a great aunt or someone who doesnt "believe" in giving money and def wants to get you a pressie!

at our engagement party me and h2b asked for money and stated in invitation that we would like money instead of present s to go towards a new sofa as we've been living together for a year and have no need for homely stuff!

for wedding we planning to ask for holiday vouchers, or if by that time we've booked a honeymoon will ask for relevant currency!

Hi we were is the same boat, baught a house last year and didnt need any thing, instead we decided on asking for contributions to our honeymoon i have seen a few poems in some wedding magazines but i devised my own, at first i felt a bit cheeky but when i sent them out poeple said they would have struggled as to what to buy us and thought it was a lovely idea, heres what i put...
An invitation to our wedding,
Now please dnt think that we are begging,
But if a gift you wish to buy, Why not pay so we can fly,
To mexico we wish to go, the destination you now know......i finished it off by adding my travel agents name and a referance number for the account so people couls just contribute as little/much as they liked.
it also ment it was anonymous.
a lot of family felt more comfortable giving us the money to pay our selves so it worked well.
Hope this helps x

ebay sell little cards you pop into your wedding invitations saying a lttle poem bout asking for money instead of present they are not cheeky and it clearly states people do not have to feel obliged to givesomething the real present is their presence check them out ebay search search 100 wedding invitations then ull see them

I think i have to go with your family on this one, your just gonna get calls from people asking what should they get you and it dose not matter how many times you say you don't need anything they will get something people feel rude going to a party empty handed.
My mate didn't get a guest list and she ended up with 7 toaster and kettle sets.
most places do gift certificate gift list so you can collate all the cash into a gift voucher and get one big thing.
Me and my h2be have a gift voucher gift list and we are going to get a new shed and if we have any vouchers left over suitcases for honeymoon.

ps Thomas cook do gift list towards your honeymoon if theirs nothing you need, you have to admit £500 or so off your honeymoon would be good

In the same position as you, I don't want a gift list because I'd be getting people to buy things for the sake of it. Instead I didn't put anything in the invitation at all and when people have contacted me I've asked for travel vouchers.
Nobody seems to have a problem with this. Do what you want, don't worry about other people. It's your day!

Hi Me & my h2b have been living together for about a year so we don't really need anything for our home either but a little while ago my mum(who is being amazing with helping plan the wedding as I have M.E & my h2b is undergoing tests for a sleep dissorder are not really well enough to do the planning alone) found some lovely little cards I think they were off ebay with a little poem/verse about how 'the cupboards full' & and that its their 'presence' not their 'Presents' that count but if they would like to help us out a little rainy day money would be lovely, I can't remember what they say exactly but they are very nice. we also have few lovely friends who are helping with the day itself like they transport(2 horse & carridge Yay!) & an old lady who was very dear to me left me some money for my dress as she knew she wouldn't be here for the day. Huggles&love to all the wifeys 2b :~D xxxxJmC (ps we are having a photo frame with pictures of friends&family who sadly aren't here to remember them on our special day, just an idea for anyone .)

Hi,

We also live together so don't need anything. We are doing a list with Senduspacking.com so that people can contribute to activities on your honeymoon.

We are in a similar boat. We've been living together for over a year and dont really need anything (apart from a 57inch tv, but i wouldnt put that on the list ;)). We are only renting just now and wont be able to buy for a few years yet so our plan is to not make a gift list but tell people if they would like to get us something, give a cheque and we'll put it in an account we cant get to and keep it for the million and one things we'll have to do when we finally buy a house. I wasnt sure to start but i discussed with my mum and she thought it was a fine idea. She mentioned it to my family and they were fine with it too! Honeymoon is a good suggestion too! x

i'm in kinda the same boat.
everyone keeps saying gift lists really do help,
fair enough i don't actual have mine own place till the RAF can sort one out for us.
but i just hate the idea of asking for things, and a gift list is like asking for things.
my H2B likes the idea of a gift list, but i really don't

hi all

we are in the same position we really dont need anything, we have told all our family and friends that we would like a donation to the honeymoon as we are paying for the wedding ourselfs everyone is happy to do this ..

im going to put this in our invitations .

we've been together for a while
and have a lovely home
there are not too many things
that we dont already own

so please dont be offended
and please dont think were brash
but if thoughts were on a preasent
we would really appreshate the cash
(for honeymoon but dosent rhyme)

the choice is really up to you
and we would really like to say
the best gift we could recieve
is having you here on our special day!

most people now know that couples live together and its a waste to buy things you dont need we just let everyone know well got our parents to tell them lol

good luck feel free to use the poem if it helps

Tammy x