Arghhhh I had a bit of a row with my Mum last night on the phone.

I just don't think she is that interested in the wedding at all. She did come and help me chose my dress but that has been about it really. When we went to look at suits over Christmas she said initially that she couldn't come because she had to go to Asda to get some food shopping. I think in the end my Dad talked her around.

It isn't difficult I don't see her that much as I live in Germany but every time I have asked her if she wanted to do something (help me do flowers, make favours etc.) she has just said no she can't. When she does something I get the feeling that she is only doing it because I am making her.

I am just so fed up of it. Everybody else I know seems to have a fab relationship with their mother and want to do things together. For example my MIL2B and SIL2B went shopping together for material for cravats and bridesmaid accessories for my wedding - they are so much more enthusiastic about it than my mother.

Last night she spoke to me like I was a teenager again, making out that I wanted everything my way. I never understood when she told me this back then either. I might be being a little bit 'bossy' but it is mine and H2Bs wedding after all. Isn't it my right as the bride? Lots of things about the wedding are stressing me out and sometimes I just want to talk to someone about it and all she does is just complain to me.

She has been suffering from depression for many years. Maybe I don't really understand it well enough but it does really frustrate me. It is like she can't help herself. She doesn't want to do anything. I am sure she doesn't even want to come to the wedding. I am always made to feel bad because I live in Germany, but she was the one who told me that I shouldn't stay in our hometown and made me leave. It is a no win situation, if I moved back to Wales I am sure that things would be no better - in fact they'd most likely get worse.

Just not sure what to do half the time!!

my mum didnt come with me dress shopping i went with mil2b she never asks about the wedding plans doesnt seem to want to come she more interested in my brothers wedding than mine... i dont get why shes being like she is but o well her loss xx

Purple Muffin your not alone my last thread was titled help i think my mum is trying to sabbotage me.

Mine is the same and she makes so many demands and make life so difficult for me i got to the point i was sick of my own wedding and wished it over and done with.

Our mums arnt like other girls mums and although it may make us sad and dissapoint us we need to remember they do love us but have funny ways of showing it.

Im not getting my mum to do any more wedding stuff with me as she makes me feel 1 inch tall and that im the most unreasonable and meanest daughter in the world but im not and it will be better for me to do it alone.

Try to include you MIL2B mine has been twice the mother mine has been during planning and has helped me loads while not trying to take over or be demanding.

Hope it goes well, if things do go bad at time remember what your planning for and dont let anyone put you off.

**huggles** im here is you want to talk goodness knows i had to at times

Thanks both.

Yes KimKitten my MIL2B is absolutely great and she is pretty involved already she has made cravats and hankies for the men and will be doing the bridesmaids bags. Obviously though this had a knock on effect because my mother then makes me feel like she is not good enough to do things - which is not the case at all!

I am also really lucky that I have fantastic bridesmaids, one of them being my great SIL2B and they are all being really supportive.

Yes she does love me, I know that but has a funny way of showing it :-)

Is your mum just not a big wedding kind of person? Maybe also she feels like since you're getting married abroad there's not much she can do to help? My mum thought that I was just having a big wedding to please everyone else and she never really wanted to know the details etc. Maybe if we were having it in her town (we got married in hubby's hometown in france) she would have got more involved, I'll never know.

Sorry your feeling this way honey... My mum also made very silly excuses when I booked to try dresses on... I explained if she made exucses again then I just wouldnt ask her, and she can wait till next year to see me in it... I am not going to be chasing round people who should want to be interested and excited..

My mum said it was too early for me to be looking at dresses with a year to go... But she was quite happy with my sister planning 2.5 year ahead... Hmph.. I suppose all the excitement was spent on my sister in 2007 lol!!!! Oh well!

Keep your chin up, and if your mum doesnt seem interested maybe keep it with the people who do seem to be excited...

Hey PM,

U sound like me, well ure predicament does! Scarily similar. My Mum came with me when I chose and bought my dress and apart from that she has taken quite a back step or so it seems. I love her to death I really do but she isnt that involved and I feel sometimes that as I'm her only daughter she should be making more of an effort!

My mil2b has been fab, she's always asking q's has offered halp loads and her and my fil2b even went out to Paphos to pay the dep on the reception and check everything out for us.
She is always soo interested and it makes me slightly angry that my Mum isnt at all.

Hmmmmm x

Parents and weddings = trouble
My mum had a huge arguement with me and my sister early lasy year which managed to escalate as they do.... Well she did not go to my sisters wedding in june and will not be attending mine in may.
I feel bad that she has missed out on the most important day of her daughters lives but this was her choice.

I am lucky to have an amazing stepmum and mil2b who have been brilliant.

I don't understand mum's sometimes.

It is very difficult as you don't want to upset her but she should be there for you she is your mum.

xx

[Modified by: jbc1 on February 09, 2010 02:53 PM]

Hun,

Do you know whether your own mother had a big wedding, because this often reflects on how they see fit to help with their daughter's.

I went dress shopping on my own! I felt too embarassed to ask anyone to come with me (perhaps that is because I am older). And as for the majority of the other details I felt awkward involving anyone other than my h2b.

Not all of us plan a wedding, as portrayed in the magazines, or expect things to happen in the same way. It doesn't make the marriage any less special.

I suspect you may be suffering from wedding planning stress, which many of us have felt, especially from around the six months to go mark. My honest advice to you is to put the magazines etc down for a bit, go out on a "date" with your h2b and forget about the wedding for the day. It'll refresh you and you'll feel all romanced up again and less concerned how others are behaving in the lead up to your day.

HUGS
x

My mum never came with me to look at wedding dresses... cos she was busy painting the hall way!!

I think mine pretty much got the hump when I said I did not want fishbowls as table decorations (ones that she wanted to make then drag 80 miles up the motorway on the day of the wedding and then when i said I was asking dad to give me away, well.. that was it total uninterest!!

My mum is on her 3rd marriage, the last 2 she just ran off to the local registry office and did not tell anyone until she got back... so not really sure what her problem is..

I think mums go a bit batty when it comes to daughters weddings!

xx

Hey girls, have to say my situation isn't as bad as some. I'm really close to my mum, she's one of my best friends. 2 years ago I moved up to Scotland to live with my h2b so don't see ad much of her as I'd like to but still speak nearly everyday. I have been really shocked with how uninterested she's seemed in the wedding at times but I don't know whether she just doesn't want to 'take over' or cause problems because it would be difficult for us to meet up etc.

Feel really petty saying all this because I know a lot of ppl have a lot harder time than I'm having xx

My Mum is being a nightmare too - she came with me to look for my dress, we went into one shop but after being there for 20mins she got bored went out side 'for some fresh air' and ended up back at her car not bothering to come back into the shop - everytime i've treid to update her on the wedding plans (i was trying to involve her as much as possible) and everytime i spoke to her she was far too busy and either left or hung up the phone. She got really funny with me because i told her i wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle - him and my mum divorced when i was 2 and she's held a grudge ever since using me and my brother against everything he's done so she decided that if i was going to have my dad walk me down the aisle she wasn't coming, Then she wanted us to book her friends band and we said they weren't really what we were looking for as they are more along the lines of heavy rock/metal! she got in a huge strop with me left me abusive messages and emails not bothered to get in contact over christmas or anything have tried to call her but as soon as she realises who it is she hangs up the phone - she has said to a friend that she isn't coming to the wedding, she says i'm a spoilt brat, selfish and totally self absorbed and then started saying to my family that h2b doesn't deserve me he could find better etc so i've cut her off completely - However my mil2b couldn't be more excited and h2bs step mum is really really helpful i speak to her whenever i have any problems, she is helping with everything and is so excited about the wedding!!

Lu I know how you feel as I know lots of other people have much more stress than this with family.

Cplusplus no she just had a registry office wedding and I think this could be one of the reasons why she doesn't seem that interested. I really don't know to be honest.

Even so it is just little things that seem too much of an effort for her. I am her only daughter too but I just feel like she'll never stop treating me like child. It is almost like i have defied her by getting married abroad sometimes she gets so cross.

Lu I know how you feel as I know lots of other people have much more stress than this with family.

Cplusplus no she just had a registry office wedding and I think this could be one of the reasons why she doesn't seem that interested. I really don't know to be honest.

Even so it is just little things that seem too much of an effort for her. I am her only daughter too but I just feel like she'll never stop treating me like child. It is almost like i have defied her by getting married abroad sometimes she gets so cross.

I know how you feel to an extent. I don't think its intentional on my mom's part, she has a lot of health problems. It makes me really sad because it seems like every other b2b is planning their wedding with their mom, and really bonding over it, and I don't feel like i'm having that. To be honest, and this might sound selfish, I feel a lot better reading this thread knowing its not just me.

My mom also had a low key wedding so maybe that's something to do with it too.

My mother was married in a registry office. Once at 17, then again at 38. The second time, she didn't even tell her own children. We just guessed, when we came home from school and she was all dressed up with my stepdad feeding us fish and chips and champagne for tea!

I knew she did not like the big wedding thing, which is why I did not really ask much of her, but that suited me just fine.

I can understand why you are upset Purple Muffin, but whereas your mum may not be giving you the support you want, with regard to the wedding, I'm sure she's much better in other areas of your life.

It really won't reflect on the day, or your marriage afterwards chick, so take some comfort from that.

It does sound like you are missing her too (my mother lives some distance too). Perhaps you can find another way to include her in your life a bit more. Something you have equal interest in. Just so that you can chat on the phone about it, with no pressure, and no mention of weddings.

Anyway, hope this helps a little.
x

I'm in sort of the same situation as you purplemuffin, I live in Spain and my mum lives in the UK. I've also been married before but it was a very low key wedding and she didn't really need to input much. Now its come to mine and h2b's wedding she is showing such little interest (as is my dad) that I've almost given up and am chatting to mil2b about the stuff I should be talking to my mum about. Have no advice as I'm really not quite sure what to do myself but just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling this way. She wants to play no part in my wedding except turn up on the day, then fine, I know there are people around me that DO care and go out of their way to help me out. Please don't feel too bad about it xxx

Hi
My mum, dad and sister are not coming to my wedding in August as I chose not to invite my brother for various reasons. That was a year ago and I have only seen my parents once since and my sister not at all. I cant share my wedding plans or my excitement with them, but I will have all my friends there so hpoing it will be ok.

I know that is one positive thing I am thinking about too I have some great friends and lots of support from my bridesmaids x

i know how you feel- i dont speak to my mum, she has caused a lot of trouble for me over the years so i dont bother with her ( as awful as that sounds ). she doesnt even know when or where im getting married, the only family members il have on my side will be my dad and sister- the other 48 guests are H2B's family ! lol.

i have to say my dad isnt that bothered about the wedding either-he never asks about it and when i do talk to him about it he just moans how he doesnt like weddings and dont know what all the fuss is about!

it gets me down sometimes-whay cant family just be happy for you and make the effort????

ok rant over.....

I have no support whatsoever from my family, apart from my biggest sis.

I find friends are much better.
xxxx