Hi all,

I need some advice/ help please.

I am getting married in July of this year and things have pretty much been going to plan however nI am now falling out with my family over silly things like the guest list and people coming to the church ceremony that we dont know! Theres a collection of things that have just become too much and now we are all arguing. Ive upset my parents and I dont know what to do, my H2B is just stressed with it all and now we are arguing.

I know when you plan a wedding its stressful but I am not enjoying the lead up to my wedding at all.

Anyone in the same boat or can you offer some advice?

I jsut feel like cancelling the whole thing, we have alot of family coming, and its turning out to be bigger than we expected. Wish we would of just gone for something low key rather than 100 odd guests. We are both quite private people and are getting married in my parents church, they have booked the organist and choir and we wasnt sure we wanted either. My dad wanted to come with us to hear the organist play the music we had chosen, I had politely told him that we would rather go just the two of uas its special to both of us and this is the only thing apart from choosing our vows that we have done together and not involved my parents.

We have too many guests, my parents said we had to refine it, they have around 30 guests on the list but want to add more like people we dont know or my brothers friends but then we have to cut my H2B and our side...

Also, with the church they asked if we would mind if anyone joined from the congregration (we dont know anyone really as only been going a few months!) and my Dad said people would like to join that they know from the church. Is it strange that we dont want anyone other than those we have invited that love and care for us to come to our cereony??

Am I being unreasonable on these points?

Any support much appreciated.

This isnt what I thought planning the wedding would be and I just feel so anxious and depreseed about it all.

:-(

Unfortunately, you cannot stop regular worshippers coming to sit in on the wedding. You can't stop anyone from coming to see you take your vows because anyone has the legal right to object to the wedding.

If you feel like you're losing the intimacy of the wedding you wanted, you should sit down with your h2b and your parents and tell them exactly what you both want and what you don't want. Reiterate that its your day, not your parents, and therefore you want the people you're closest to there, and not just to keep up appearances.x

Appreciate your response, appreciate we cannot stop regular worshippers but my Dad asked me if I would object to people coming from the church which to me means that perhaps he wanted to invite them...

We have told my parents but they said they are proud of me etc and it wil be the happiest day of their lives...

We just seem to be arguing on the same points over and over so its not getting any better. I want to my parents happy but not at the expense of our own desires for the day??

My H2B now thinks its becoming a 'show' and its just my parents are regular worshippers and want to invite people that 'invited them' to their daughter's, nieces, blah blah wedding otherwise they would be embarassed..

As they are paying dont think we have a choice..does this give them free reign? Oh I just dont know. Its all too much.
Thanks for your reply. x

I think that because they're paying, they kind of have more say than if you were paying. At least they're asking you if its ok, some parents would just not say anything if they were paying! x

I am not sure if they should have FREE reign or not. Maybe a little more input. My parents and hubs parents contributed as did we. However at no point did anyone start screaming about who we should invite although my dad did tell me he wanted his aunts who brought him up there which i thought fair enough.

I think you should lay it on the line with your parents. Tell them you feel like what should be your day is now there day and that you feel like cancelling.
If they dont listen still consider postphoning and paying for it yourself

Hi,
I had the same thing with my first wedding and its hard. My parents organised everything and i had no say in anything, even down to the cress in the egg mayo lol
I found some old photos of the day on my last visit home and didnt know who half the people in them were so this time its our day and its what we want.
I never stood up to my mum and dad and told them i didnt tell them what we wanted. It was a horrible day for me and still look back badly so I would write down exactly who YOU and your H2B want there, what you both want from the day and semi organise bits (get quotes, timings etc) and lay it all out to them so they can see your serious about what you want but still give them slight leeway in some of their guests but for the evening not the ceremony??
They love you and want to show you off but it can be done in more than just the ceremony! Get your H2B involved with the bits you want and the arguments will simmer, remember its your day and although your parents are paying, doesnt mean it should be their way.

Hope some of that made sense lol
Good luck :) x

I think this can be a common problem, and agree with the other brides, that you dont want to look back on your wedding unhappily any way. You have to be firm with them, but lovely. Maybe concede on the church point, but say no on extra friends of theirs, and definitely no for your brothes friends! Remind them that they dont want to overwhelm H2B as its his wedding too! (I am having problems with both parents and H2B, instead of getting mad i keep telling everyone to think of all the other people - so far its working, but I also feel like chucking the whole thing and runnign away!).
Good luck lovely xx

Hi,
I have seen so many threads of this type on this site. Just to put my twopence worth in, unfortunately if they are paying, its 'their' party. yradutionally the bidres parents would pay because they ould organise everything - guest list etc. I dont mean to sound harsh, but if you want it your way, you have to pay for it.
K x

Hey sherssf,

I have a similar problem, but on a smaller scale.
My H2B's parents are contributing quite alot to our wedding, as are my parents (although I would like to point out the entire cost of the wedding will be less than £3,000.... hopefully alot less, but the reason we are not paying for most of it is my H2B suffered a spontaneous pneumothorax last year just after we had booked the venue and given notice, and he had to have a few months off work to recover. So we technically have no spare money now, and both sets of parents stepped in to help out).
Anyway, as we are only having a small ceremony (we are limited to 50 people for the room) and the family alone comes to around 45people, so we decided the ceremony would be family only, with friends invited to the evening reception.
This worked out fine until the other day H2B's parents start saying they are inviting 2 couples to the ceremony as they went to their kids weddings... would like to point out that they knew these peoples children and we don't even know who these people are! I explained that it was just family for the ceremony but they were welcome to come in the evening. But this was ignored and they carried on, then they said "they will expect to be invited"... I have just made my 4th attempt to get this straightened out as I feel like why should 4 people we don't even know share in our special day when we are not even inviting our friends to that part? If this attempt at making them see sense fails, then we will just have to give in and let them come, but it really has got to me and my H2B.
And on top of this, everytime I speak to my mum about anything to do with the wedding she seems to get angry with me really quickly and we end up both almost upsetting each other. I just want things to go as smoothly as possible from now on... once I have sorted out the un-invited guests hehe!

penguinsrock
x

i feel like cancelling mine too - in fact i nearly cancelled it on monday - but because of the best man being an absolute c#*k!!

Nobody has helped with my wedding plans and everyone seems to think that i need to just let other people do whatever they like - when nothing i want is happening!!

:(
x

Thanks everyone, guess im not the only one in this situation, some good advice. I will sit down with my parents on the weekend and see what happens. Sure things will work out in the end for us all!

MRSBEGG - I am doing all my planning too, my mum is trying to help but her vision somewhat differnent to mine sometimes!

Thanks so much for your support girlies

xxx

stick to your guns, as someone has already said I look back on my first wedding and dont know who at least 2/3 rds of the people who were there, I was in the ridiculous position of having to beg to have some of my closest friends there, I only had about 5 close couples there for my side. The whole thing became a tug of war between my mum and MIL2B. I felt like a puppet on a string.
Please stick to what you want, of course your parents get a large proportion of the say if they are paying but what they dont get to do is trample all over your feelings.
Good luck xx

You're definately not the only one who fels like that, I've almost cancelled my wedding this morning! I booked it two years ago, now have 2 ppl getting married in the month before mine that friends and family have to attend (and pay rooms for, and go to hen and stag parties for etc), lost the band of my dreams because the entertainment people failed to get back to me for 3 months, my aunties baby is due 2 days before the wedding (and I just know its going to be born in the bloody church or something) and just found out this morning that the venue has lost all of the room reservations I made for both families. Not to mention the FA cup final is on my flipping wedding day. Why the bloody hell do we bother??

We bother because we love the blokes we are marrying, and after this one day that we only put on for the sakes of our family and friends we get to be with that bloke forever. And thats got to be worth all this right? Hope the stress passes and just remember that the more stressful the wedding the easier the marriage. God owes us that much xxxxx

Totally understand how you feel, My Mum & Sister constantly moan or try and take over my planning and I would not mind so much but I am paying for the whole thing!! Its caused so many arguments that I have sometimes just thought sod it were are going to Vegas instead but eventually calmed down and now with 100 odd days to go I dont care anymore I dont mention anything to anyone they can just turn up on the day and lump it!

Same here! (although parents and in laws are the only ones who arent causing a problem for me luckily as they are paying!) roll on the honeymoon!!