H2B DAUGHTER ADVICE

I am getting married next year (aged 49) and my two daughters (19 & 16) will be bridesmaids. My h2b has two sons who will be bestmen (30 & 19). My problem is that he also has a daughter who is not my most favourite person - she interfers in everything we do and I just cant stand her on top of that she has a 7 year old son who is a complete brat and totally out of control. He asked if she could be bridesmaid and if not to find a role for her - as far as i am concerned her job is to keep the brat in check. However, I need to find something that appears an important role but isnt necessarily !! To make me appear an even worse bitch (which I really am not) shes not invited on my major henparty - mainly because I was restricted by numbers and chose my family and closest friends so no room for her - although she could come to the small one night one. One other thing she will be getting married in a few years time and there will be absolutely no role there for me - I will just be an observer. So heres my dilema - what can I possibly do with her and probably her brat too?? I thought a reading and his witness but my other half wasnt too impressed. I did think about letting her follow my bridesmaids down the aisle with her son like a kindof paigeboy/mum but with a dress totally different from the bridesmaids. Or to ask her to walk down the aisle with him before me and my girls - but someone said thats almost giving her chief bridesmaid role. Please please please someone give me some kind of clue and suggestion what I can possibly do.

Wow that's a tricky one. Thing is weddings are about uniting families and it's what your h2b wants so you're going to have to find a solution. Which is of course why you've come here for advice!!

I personally think the reading idea is a good one, but I guess if h2b disagrees that's a no go. How about she is part of the groom's party - she could be an usher (there's no law saying it has to be men!) - maybe the brat could help too, if he's kept occupied there's less chance for him to cause trouble? If all else fails choose the most hideous dress you can find and she may say she doesn't want to do it anyway - there's always airbrushing and cropping for photos!!

I think letting her do a reading is probably your best bet, so speak to H2B again. If you really don't want her as a BM and he doesn't want her to do a reading then there's not much else she could do. The child could be an usher, under supervision of an adult usher, and give out your order of service. He may surprise you and behave himself if he feels he has an important job to do for his Grandad.
Talk to your H2B again and explain that you have enough bridesmaids and either she does a reading or she has to become a grooms'man' instead. His daughter, his job to find her a role.
I hope relations improve though, the child will be your step-grandchild and no-one wants a wicked step-mother (even if she is asking for it).

Sorry CFC but he is not a brat..he is a child. If he misbehaves that is for a reason which may not be apparent but he certainly won't get any better if people refer to him like that. Seldom have I come across a child who misbehaves, that does not improve with a little love, attention and understanding.

As for the daughter well I can accept things are not great between you but Dudders makes a good point that weddings should unite families and should not exclude a child of the couple as this sets things up for the future. She will probably hold it against you forever more. I don't think that means inviting her to your hen-do but I completely get why your H2B would like you to have her as a bridesmaid...not do so might hurt him. What about using the wedding as a fresh start and sit down and ask her for ideas of how she would like to be involved for you and your H2B to consider?

What an awful thing to write, I hope your H2B never sees this. The way you speak about his family is despicable.
Perhaps you should read your message back, and think about what you're saying.

WOOOW!!!! I'm with the last two posts!!

'BRAT'??????

Hmmm, I have step children my self, we've had low times and high times. They are now grown up and have small babies of their own, and no matter how much hard work it has been, and no matter how boisterous and demanding they are (my h2b and I have 3 other children who are still at school age), I love my 'grandkids' to bits.

Step children bring out so many emotions, but we have an amazing relationship now after 15yrs.

BRAT?????

Hmmmm, what would make you think that this was an acceptable and mature thing to say, and so publically, about not only a child, but your H2B's grandchild, your future step grandchild ?????

Hmmmmmm, I think I can read between the lines here

Im not sure if your h2b would want to go ahead with marriage if these are your thoughts! Im marrying my h2b and he has 3 beautiful children and i have 4 already and none together so the way round that is not to have your children involved in the wedding party to make it all round fair and to let all your children choose beautiful outfits they all like and have them sit on the first bench at the church where you can see them all and they all see you. As for "bratt" how rude and cruel of you to say that???? In my opinion - wood for the trees comes to mind and i thank my lucky stars my new mum in law is a kind, sensitive and genuine person.

I would be absolutly guted if i heard my step mother talk about me in this way, maybe you should take a step back and really look at your relationship with your future step-daughter and look at resolving the issues between you both, as like it or not once you marry her dad she will be family and constantly in your life. Be the bigger person, try and see the wedding as a fresh start and include her. In the long run you risk sabotaging your relationship with your husband by holding so much hostility to his daughter. (He may well already be upset- rejecting the reading/ witness role may be a hint he wants her to be part of the bridal party,) good luck!

Wowza! I'm with the others.... He is a child, you may think he is badly behaved but he is your h/b's grandson

Have you thought how your husbands daughter may feel? I know when my dad remarried I was asked as an after thought to be a bridesmaid - after my step mums daughters had already had their dresses bought hair and make up booked, and I felt like utter poop! But if I hadn't been asked or asked to do a reading I would have been even more hurt! Why should the mans daughter be inferior to the womans?

Gosh, I don't think there is quite the need for some of the responses on here. Families are complicated at best and some children are horribly behaved. I'm not sure what the answer is as I have no experience with step-family situations, but I really hope you can work it out. I don't see why any person should be forced to have a bridesmaid they don't want, but you probably shouuld have a big chat with your H2B. X