How did you let your ex know you were remarrying?

I don't want my ex to find out through anyone else. My children know I am going to remarry (I wanted them to be first to know, but also had to tell them for practical reasons) but they appreciate and understand that I want to tell their father rather than he hears he news second hand. I don't want to leave it too long to tell him as this means the children are 'deceiving' him in a way (although they don't look on it like that!) but I really feel he should be told sooner rather than later. Of course I know I will probably get the reaction of 'why are you telling me, I couldn't care less!' but I would still wish to do the right thing.
Should I take the risk of being snubbed and tell him to his face?

I didn't tell mine at all, but then he is a total ar*e and we don't speak. We were speaking when he was getting married a few years ago and he didn't tell me and I never gave it a thought. The new wife is a troll hence the not speaking- she couldn't hack me or our son having contact with him!

My friend got the reaction you are expecting from her ex- 'why are you telling me I don't care what you do'.

Depends on the relationship you have with him these days really.

My other half had to tell his ex wife (who he has a 4.5 yr old daughter with) because he didn't want her to hear from mutual friends. I believe the conversation went a little like "I'm getting married. I know it's something you probably don't need to know about but thought it was better coming from me". The response was something along the lines of "ok, hope it works out this time". They get on fairly amicably though so don't know if you do with your ex?

Good luck!
x

Thanks, that is just the sort of thing I want to say to my ex. We have 3 children together - two all grown up.

I am just not sure what he will say. I hope he will say something along the lines of your ex's ex, but there is a chance he will say something like 'So what? Why are you telling me, why would I care?'/'Poor guy!'/'Tell someone who is interested!' etc

I would find that hard, but I still think telling him face to face (although I don't see him often, his new partner keeps us apart and we are never allowed to be on our own together!) is better than a call or email or even worse a text.

thanks for your reply and advice from experience.

My H2B wanted to tell his ex before anyone else did, but he hasn't had chance yet. I think she may find out tomorrow though seeing as we are at their oldest sons wedding, and there is absolutely no chance that I am not wearing my engagement ring!!

I am not telling my ex at all he will probably shave my sons heads the weekend before just to annoy me.

We dont get on and only really communicate through solicitors and I dont want him to know about me getting married again as he will just start sending me abuse again by email or text.

I have been wondering the same! i know my ex will be gutted! kids are going to his today, and they are so excited i know they will tell him! xxx

i didnt tell my ex and still havent .. i asked my girls if they have told him and theyve both said no ... i didnt ask them not to tell him i left it to them if they wanted to .. my eldest doesnt talk to her father anyway , and the youngest 19 said whats the point of telling him ... i know what you mean tho do you want the reaction of SO WHAT ? OR OH WOW HOW LOVELY .. whatever they wont be happy for you i dont think all depends on your circumstances i suppose , and they will probably find out after dues course anyway from some one ... usually facebook does that for you !!!!

When we told my (then 13yr old) daughter that we were getting married she burst into tears! It turned out that she was worried what her dad would say. I'd always intended to tell him, we have a patchy relationship but generally get on well provided he isn't drinking! I phrased it along the lines of 'I am getting married to N, Daughter is worried you'd be upset but I assured her that you and I are friends now and as my friend you would be happy that I am happy'. The reaction was 'hmmpf, none of my business isit'. Followed by ' though obviously, I'm happy if that's what you want'. So, could have been worse but I felt I had to imply how he should react as he's not very good at emotional stuff. Good luck.

Think my son told my ex we had got engaged, then nearer the time I told him the date so he knew he'd be with me that weekend. Luckily we get on well and I speak to his mum quite a lot so it hasn't really been an issue, Spose I'm quite lucky really.