PILTB think we should postpone wedding over future doubts

We just got an emailed letter from my PIL advising us to postpone our July wedding. I am English and groom is Dutch, so his parents and the letter was in Dutch. It was sent to both us on an email account that is mainly his but we do some wedding admin on it, my fiance doesn't know i've read it. My dutch isn't great but I can understand the basics of what they have written. My fiance and I met 5 years ago in London where I was from. In May we moved to Amsterdam for his job. In January I was quite down and told my fiance that I was realising that OK as it was short term, I really wanted to move back to the UK eventually, in a few years or so. We talked about it for weeks and we came to an understanding that both locations would remain on the table but that we agreed that both of us needed to be happy wherever we ended up. He told his parents about this at the weekend when we saw them as they noticed i was quiet and that's when they decided to write to us recommending that we hold off on getting married for now with this uncertainty hanging over us. Thankfully, my fiance;s reaction was a short reply to state that we saw no problem going ahead with our wedding and we would face the decisions together. He said he hadn't discussed their letter with me or shown it to me. I will raise it with him, once I have an accurate translation from a friend, but i am reassured that he hasn't listened to their suggestion. But now I feel betrayed and hurt at the interference of his parents, and also some suspicion that what they are really concerned about is the prospect of him marrying me and feeling obliged to move to England, leaving them in their old age... :\(

Oh dear thats a bit naughty, but the good thing is at least your h2b has stuck up for you.
Speak to him about it but after that i would let it drop until you see them and maybe just say very nicely that you thank them for their concer but there really is no need for it as you as a ciuple are fine!

That way there are no fall outs but you have got your point across and also lets them know you have seen their email

Sweetie don't worry about this too much I think this is what Dutch people are like.

However as for you and not liking the Netherlands long term there is absolutely nothing to say that you won't change your mind. I have lived in Germany for 10 years and still not sure if I want to stay or not but have become a bit of a fixture here. You never know things might change in a year or two about where you live.

Anyway this isn't the point. Honestly the Netherlands are not far away at all - only a few hours drive at most from London so it is hardly far away xx

hiya, is your fiance their only child? If so then they might be worried that if he moves away then they will be left on their own and obviously if it is the UK that you move back to then flying to Holland or driving there isn;t very far away at all.
It seems you need to find out the root of their concern but it is good that your h2b is sticking up for you. Hope you can sort it out xx

awww sweetie i feel for you! I was in a similar situation with my hubby, his family (mainly grandparents) didn't like me because i wasn't french. I think they're probably worried that you're going to take your h2b away from them!
My hubby's family kept saying, why don't you just leave her and find a nice french girl and things like that... neverless we went ahead and got married,
Anyhow, i guess whwt i'm saying is mixing two cultures isn't always easy, especially for the families. They're worried you'll change or take away their son, also if they're anything like my inlaws they haven't traveled as much as our generation, and therefore are intimidated by the idea of moving abroad, discovering a new culture etc...

As a parent I can see their point of view, their son is having a rough patch because of living situations. They will obviously worry that if you are ultimately not happy living out of the uk and he doesn't want to move back there then where will that leave your marriage. In there mind a marriage is more difficult to end than a relationship. Its very hard to sit back and see your child having difficulties however small it may seem to you.

That being said it should reasure them now your h2b has assured them things will be ok. I don't think you should feel betrayed, they are only looking out for their son.

I agree with bootifulB2B. I think that they are just concerned for their son's welfare, and probably your own, too.

During our engagement, we had lots of advice from worried family; we were told to get a prenup agreement, we were told to hold off until we were older, we were told that we should wait until we had lived together on our own a bit longer, we were told to wait until we were married to live together! All of which was taken into consideration, and then fully explained to the worried party why we were doing things our way. It probably didn't stop them worrying, but it did make them realise that we are actually grown ups who can make decisions for ourselves!

I think we actually gained a lot of respect from our families by taking on board what was said and then explaining our reasons for doing what we thought was best.

Parents will always try to stop us making mistakes, because they don't like the fact that their children have to take chances in life; they don't want to risk their children's happiness for anything.

After all, if you've spent so many years of your life making it a better one for someone, you'd like to think that you can keep on doing so forever.

But like I said to my mum, if I didn't take a chance in life, I'd never get married. I said I wasn't going into the marriage thinking it was going to fail just because of her experience. If I didn't "risk" that, then I'd never know the meaning of true happiness.

I think you just have to put this one down to a parent's loving concern for their son. Your hubby to be has already put them in their place and told them that you two will work as a team, as husband and wife, and make the marraige work through the trials you may face. Good on him. I don't think any more needs to be said to them - I don't think they were interfering for the sake of being mean, I think they want the best for the both of you. x

Thanks everyone - all very positive and helpful. I really value this as I can be quite paranoid. And it's true my husband to be has been wonderful - isn't that great!

Heya!

Eventho it is not nice what they have done,i can see their point of view aswel but they couldve gone about it differently.

I am Flemish and my h2b is English when i moved to england it completely destroyed my mother she hated my fiance,Thank god she has come round now and she is so excited about the wedding and is even paying for half of it.

I know it's not a nice thing to hear from ur piltb but also look at it from their point of view hun. But it seems like u and ur H2b are on the same page and i know this might sound "rude" but to be fair thats all that matters right now.
They will come round dw
x