Help Please??

Hi everyone,

I need a bit of help please. Im due to get married in May this year and everything is going well apart from a little problem im having regarding bridesmaids. I have always only wanted 2 bridesmaids, my sister who will be 26 and my cousin's daughter who will be 8! The problem that I have is that I have a niece that will be 2 when we marry.

I have been asked on several occasions by both her mum and my future mother-in-law if she can be a bridesmaid to which I have said no as its my choice and I only want the 2 ive mentioned.

I thought that this had been resolved until today when I was asked if she could be called a 'flower girl' even if she doesnt walk down the aisle because the title will mean alot to her parents. Now im stuck!

I dont want my niece to resent me when shes older because I didnt ask her to be a bridesmaid but on the other hand why should I change my feelings on our wedding day?? To add to it, when my nieces parents got married, I was asked not to sit on the front row as it was for family only even though my fiance and I were engaged at the time.

Please give me your opinions as to what you would do in my situation!

Thanks ladies x

It's a gamble, but my friends asked their nephew to be page boy but on the day (he was 2 too) he threw a massive hissy fit and wouldn't do it. The dad had to take him out the venue to stop him screaming and all us hearing it during the vows!

Or you could do what i'm doing and saying that as a reason for not having little flower girls/page boys. I don't want to expect a small child to a) be that interested in what the day is all about and the ceremony and b) make them wear something that might be uncomfortable compared to their normal clothes just for the centre of attention for 5 minutes.

They are cute, but i said to people that have asked if the kid was 3/4/5 then yeah great, but 2 is a bit too young to expect too much of them. Hope that helps. xx

Hello BloominMoomin,

Thank you for your reply. This is totally the reason that I didnt want small/young bridesmaids, were getting married abroad so its only a really short ceremony and I dont want the most important part ruined by crying. My niece bless her does get quite aggitated when she warm and so she'd only be sat with her mum minus a dress anyway so im kinda feeling whats the point in saying shes a flower girl when shes not doing the 'job' of a flower girl.

You've certainly given me some help so I thank you for that and COngratulations on your Wedding!! x

i'm having our 2 year old daughter as a flower girl at our wedding in 4 weeks time. tbh i'm a bit worried about how she'll behave but if worse comes to worse she will just have to sit on my hip whilst i say my vows lol. i doubt she'll walk down the aisle but again thats not a big deal.
she's doing flower girl duties again at her uncles wedding this summer. as her mum i was pleased they wanted her involved but if they had said she was too young i would have understood.
personally, if i was you i would feel a bit mean not involving her. also it would be a nice gesture to your new family (just let them pay for her dress!)

I would stick to my original plan if it was me…you don’t want a flower girl or younger bridesmaid or anymore than the two you’ve chosen– if you did then you would have asked the parents long before now.

I’m sure loads of people will disagree, but it really annoys me when parents try and force things onto other people just so their kids can look cute!

Your niece isn’t going to have a clue she wasn’t part of the wedding party so don’t worry and if she isn't a "flower girl" I don't see the point-sorry if that sounds a little harsh.

Where abouts are you getting married? I'm an abroad bride too

Hello,

To toddlermummybride, thank you for your reply I can see where you're coming from and it would be a lovely gesture to my new family. Its good to hear the other side of it with you having a toddler.

To Lil2012, again thank you for replying, I dont think you sounded harsh but maybe that cos you feel the same as I have been so far.
We're getting married in Cyprus at Aphrodite Hills hotel which is just outside Paphos. How about you? x

This might not be a popular opinion but I find it incredibly rude that they try to dictate to you to have her as a flower girl!

I have three boys and would never suggest them to anyone as pageboys.

We are having two flowergirls who are two and three, and yes I am hoping to get a few cutesy pics with all the kids (before the wedding!) but that is a nod to the parents as they are very important to us and cant be incorporated in another way.

I would point out to them how uncomfortable they make you feel by trying to push her upon you as you dont want very young bridesmaids/flowergirls and stand your ground. And dont worry about her resenting you for not being a flower girl she wont even remember being at your wedding she is two!!!

Hi Hayles1601,

Yep I know Aphrodite Hills hotel-lovely choice, we looked there but decided on St. Paul's Pillar and reception at Elea Estate instead which is in the same direction as Aphrodite Hills. So you're just before me being a May bride? I'm June - how are you with all your planning? x

oxfordbride2012,
thank you for this. Ive been feeling that its very rude from the 1st time it was mentioned to me but I keep feeling that its my fault. Its the normal isnt it that you cant please everyone.
I always planned on having some photos taken with our niece so that we can have her there in our album. Good luck with your wedding!! x

Lil2012,
Is your wedding venue also known as Ayia Kyriaki Church? If so its beautiful there, your picture will be amazing!
We're doing well, I have my dress and home reception sorted just a couple of major things left like what my fiance is going to wear - hes not sure at all(men eh!! and bridesmaid dresses which im leaving til a bit closer cos we're having them made and my younger bridesmaid is still growning.
Hows your plans? and can I ask what you're fiances going to wear? xx