Bridesmaid not interested

Hi

I have 3 adult bridesmaids in my wedding (lets call them A, G and L) A I have known for 6 years and I asked her to be my bridesmaid last November. G and L i've known for about 1.5-2 years but I asked them to be my bridesmaids quite quickly as we spend a lot of time together since we met having kids the same age.

Anywho A has been a bit distant of late and I know she's busy with uni/work/life etc (who isn't!) However sometimes when I phone/text her about wedding stuff she either doesn't get back to me, or answers me days later or doesn't appear interested. I ordered bridesmaid dresses from bhs and I asked her to come down and try one on so that I could place my final order with them. Took her ages to agree a date, then when she did come she hardly stayed, hardly spoke and it was a bit uncomfortable.

We were then meant to go to a fayre on Sunday (she came to mine on the Friday), I phoned, text, phoned and texted again but nothing. So I went with G to the wedding fayre. Then I got a text at 8pm saying she wasn't well which felt a bit of a lame excuse to me esp as I saw on fb she'd been out drinking the night before with other friends.

So today I decided to message her saying that I know how busy she is and that I feel like I'm bothering her all the time. Said Iwanted her to be part of our wedding but if she felt a bit under pressure with everything going on then she could pull out and I wouldn't be offended.

She got back to me and said:
"Up to you hon "

What do I say to this????

UPDATE ON PAGE 2

to be honest, it sounds to me like she's not interested, but doesn't be the one to say it. I am sorry for you, my best mate had 2 of her 3 bridesmaids drop out, and it was horrible, but at least you'll have people you can reply on there with you Xxx

What do you think I should say though? I sort of sent the message to say I didn't mind if she felt it was too much. I just feel like I'm having to force myself to include her as she never gets back to me x

I know my wedding doesn't come first in everyone's lives but I'm not really asking for much x

My best friend asked her oldest friend to be a BM and she was exactly the same, same scenarios and she ended up saying "If you would prefer to be a guest at my wedding rather than in the wedding party I'll understand" Naturally she was hurt when she received a tb saying "Yes that would be preferable". Now 6months down the line they barely speak and shes on about not even inviting her to the night doo...Funny how these things work out!

On the other hand 1 of my 3 is a pain to reply to msgs and get back to you (but its in her nature, even pre-wedding she was like that) and she hasnt been as 'on hand' as I'd have liked but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that when it gets down to the nitty-gritty she will make time for me!

I would meet for a drink and discuss as I think txt/emails etc can come across really harsh and be misconstrued! IE the txt she sent back did come across blunt but you don't know that she isnt hurt and thinks you don't want her anymore so instead of appearing 'needy' she replied 'nonchalantly'.

Hope this helps?

I get what you mean, I'd rather sit down and talk to her but trying to get a hold of her and meet up is like blood from a stone. So this would end up dragging out for months.

Feel a bit bad but now with the way she's been etc I just don't know if I could rely on her etc?? she's so busy the now that I feel like I'm bothering her x

Could she be jealous of your wedding at all? It just sounds like thats a possiblility?

I think you need to sit down with her and talk. Make it clear that if she would rather not be involved then thats ok but if she wants to be involved thats good too.

From what you are saying you havent exactly asked a lot of her and i think her reaction indicates that she would rather not be involved- for whatever reason.

You have 2 BMs who sound like they are fab! Dont worry about this one. It may put more of a strain on your friendship to have her as a BM...

She got engaged before me but isn't getting married until 2014 (her choice due to being at uni). She was really happy for me and really excited, but I don't know if the realisation of how busy she is has sunk in etc and instead of being honest with me, is just being distant.

I've got a young child and work part time so I do get how you can get busy, but I'm not usually rude to folk x

Definetly sounds like shes a little jealous then... I would just have the conversation with her and find out once and for all if she wants to be a BM. If she doesnt you can move on without that awful feeling of having to keep making excuses for her x

I have the same problem with my MOH hun - all she wants is to turn up wear the dress and thats it.

i have aksed her if she minds the other bm arranging the hen night etc and she was like up to you.

I took that to mean i cba so i want the dress and the title but i dont want to do anything.

Ive taken it into my own hands and just told her stuff and if she doesnt turn up then thats her prob and il eventually sack her off.

tbh i would reply with something like:

I knwo we have been friends for a very long time and that you want to be involved in the wedding but it feels like we have differing ideas of involvement and knowing how busy you are i feel its prob best if i give the responsibility to someone else so you can still come and share in the day but as my guest.
i hope that this doesnt effect our friendship as i treasure it dearly but i just need someone who is able to be available when i need them.

hope it helps

Sounds like a good idea to me mrshughes2013