I just want to cry sil2b has caused so much hurt

Hi ladies

I just want to sound off about a few things and get it off my chest other wise i will not stop crying.
I know weddings are meant to be great fun arranging but i am so fed up of everything lately.
Where to start...my sil2b has caused a huge rift between my h2b, me, fil2b and her.
Long story shortened as much as possible sil2b cheated on her husband (he still doesn't know about this one but they are as bad as each other and accept it) about a year ago with a bloke who happened to be also dating a mate of my h2b and mine.
The lady who is our friend is also an ex bump in the night shall we say with my h2b (it happened before me, they were both single and i don't have an issue with it as we all have pasts).
Now sil2b has bragged about having this bloke to h2b, saying they were going to leave partners for each other and etc.
Our friend then fell pregnant and after a few months the affair stopped. It had put h2b and me in a horrid position as it then meant we had to be careful around our friend as if she were to ever find out and that we knew it would hurt her.
Since giving birth he and her keep splitting up and making up.
I meet her for a coffee one day (as we do normally..we both have twins so are a support to each other). Out of the blue she asks me if my sil2b has slept with her bloke. I denied i knew anything and thought that was that.
Trying to cut this story down. Put it this way our friend found out about the affair, have lost her friendship, i'm being blamed for her relationship break up, sil2b lying saying they only flirted, i'm getting threatened to the point that i don't go out, my h2b won't stick up for me and tell his sister she is in the wrong for allowing me to be blamed and take the wrap over everything (we even told her at the time to stop fooling about with this guy as he is bad news). He is more concerned about protecting his sister and her kids (we have 3 kids as well).
Sil2b won't even speak to me, i also sent a text to say sorry for what ever it was i was meant to have said that made this person believe that she had slept with her bloke. I said nothing at all, no names said, diddly squat. Not been able to talk over the phone as she ignores me and if i try to talk to her she walks away.
I have done nothing wrong and i am being made to feel like i have. She knows her brother will stand up for her and choose her over me.
My h2b and me are fighting heaps, its double standards as when we have had problems from my family we tackle them head on, talk and move on. Yet he won't stand up to her. I know its not his fault in all this but is it really ok for him to let his sister and ex bump who he still meant to be mates with treat me like this?
Sorry ladies, i just don't want this added problem, how can i marry a bloke who wont put his w2b first along with his kids?
I would go on to moan about the hen do but as you can guess my sil2b who nagged at me to get something booked is no longer interested in coming and making up pathetic excuses (she is also 10 years older than me and acts like selfish spoilt child).
I thought i would moan on here as when reading other issues i like how clean cut some of your comments are so i'm hoping i can get some advice back. By the way my mother is furious about the whole thing but she has no place to say anything but hear me cry.
Thanks x

Husband to be needs to be told to grow a pair.
Friend needs to be told to look at who is really in the wrong.
Sister in law needs to be told not to be an immature moody sl@g.
Lots of people need to be told to keep their bits and pieces inder control.

Sorry but you need to stop crying and start telling it like it is.

Glad you commented, i like how straight talking you are. Thanks.
I know i need to stop the tears, flipping hormones and mascara run. Doesn't help that i'm being an egg donor so i'm on extra drugs that have side affects make me more 'emotional' than normal x

how can you be to blame in any of this! and how can H2B stick up for his sister, when she's the one that's been messing around!! I don't understand how your friend can blame you for the breakdown of her relationship, its not like you slept with him!!

These people really need to get a grip and take responsibility for their own actions.

My sil2b doesn't care that i have lost a friend, can no longer go to twin groups due to this lady being there (i am scared of her now due to what she can be like) so in effect her nephews are now missing out, i am not brave enough to go on my own. The sad thing was i wanted this lady at my hen do and wedding, this can't happen now and i am gutted. It does feel like i have slept with the bloke after all this (yuck no way).
Had my sister done this i would have hung her out to dry but that's just how i work with my siblings x

^^^ this.

You need to break this down a bit instead of seeing it as one huge problem.

First - your "friend". Text/call/email her and just apologise for not telling her, you were in a difficult position but it really isnt you she should be angry at. Then tell her that if she continues to threaten/harrass you then you will involve the police.

Sister-in-law - why are you apologising to this woman? Message her and tell her that she knew what she was doing, she made her bed and she needs to bl00dy well lie in it. You will not continue to lie for her and she needs to take some responsibility for her actions.

I really dont mean this to sound mean, because your obviously so upset but why are you letting them get away with treating you like this? The minute you stand up to these women they'll stop treating you like a pushover.

H2B - Once the other two have been dealt with you need to have a long talk with him. He should be supporting you in this, you've done nothing wrong and its not one rule for how you deal with your family but another for his x

You not mean at all, i wanted blunt replies and honesty as friends can pata cake things.
I have tried texting my friend, gone to her house and even wrote a letter. All have been thrown back in my face. I know that i have tried everything. I guess its the time game now.
I am trying to be stronger, since having the twins 17 months ago my confidence needs a total work out. I guess i have tried so hard to be nice to please everyone else that i have lost me along the way.
I am grateful for all the comments x

I know what you mean, its hard with little ones - i never really had the confidence to take my little boy to groups or anything when he was little and I only had one so I do understand x

Are there any other groups you could go to? My local soft play centre do a mothers and toddlers so im going to give that a go.

You do seem genuinely nice, so the best bit of advice I can give you is stop trying to please them all. Your friend and SIL dont sound like they're worthy of your time to be honest. Concentrate on your H2B and children instead x

this might sounsd really harsh.....

But i would tell hubby to grow the hell up! he needs to support you, you and your children are his family now! she needs to stop acting like a spoilt little brat she bought this on herself by going with a man that wasnt single! she deserves to be the one treated like rubbish not you.

Tell h2b its time to step up to the mark, if he doesnt support you over something like this not sure i would want him to be my future hubby!.

I think you are doing an amazing thing being an egg donor by the way the country needs more women like you stay strong xxx

I'd actually agree with Hayleyr on this. I'm really sorry but if your H2B won't stick up for you now, are you sure he will in the future when life throws goodness-knows-what at you and your family?

Ignore both these 'ladies' (and I use the term loosely here). Focus on your own relationship because that's what matters and that's what you are committing to.

Your husband is being a grade 'A' wimp and needs to take a step back, look at what he has been blessed with and man up. you need to tackle him about this before you get married, and make it clear to him that you are deeply disappointed by his lack of support. Ask him outright why he is being overly protective of a sister who only has herself to blame, rather than protecting you from all the sh*t being flung at you from all directions. I won't go so far as to tell you to threaten to leave, but you need to make it very clear that in your mind this attitude is unacceptable and has to stop.

If he can't or won't change his view or attitude, then I'm afraid I'd be seriously considering whether her was worth marrying. No amount of money, charm or good looks can make up for being unreasonable and inconsiderate, ESPECIALLY when you consider the drugs you are currently taking and the emotional fallout from these.

I also think you're doing an amazing thing in donating eggs btw- you must be a very generous person and to be frank, maybe you deserve better x