sex at 15?

hi girls
right, i was talking with my daughter last night (she's fifteen) and we got onto the subject of sex. Now she's been with her boyfriend for about a year now and he's mature, clever and basically the right type. But as we got onto the subject of sex, she talked about how she might not wait until she' sixteen. I know they love each other but would I be doing the right thing by letting her have sex with him? (He's also fifteen).
Also, she mentioned perhaps going on the pill as well as using condoms- she is focusing on staying safe aswell.
xxxx


[Modified by: Thumper999 on 29 December 2008 23:17:56 ]

Hi Thumper999,

I think if you banned them from having sex, they would probably do it anyway and your daughter might not feel as happy to confide in you in the future.

It's clear that you have a great and very honest relationship with her at the moment and it would be a real shame to lose that. Perhaps you could say that although you wouldn't encourage her to have underage sex, it is ultimately her decision to make and you trust her not to allow herself to be pressured into anything she doesn't want to do and that you would be happy to discuss contraception with her and that you will always be there if she wants to talk about it.

As my mum said, she'd rather I was having sex with someone she knew was a nice guy, being careful and sensible and safely under her roof than on the backseat of a car etc!

Hope this helps a little x

i completely agree. although i'm not saying you give her tips or anything, ensuring she knows how to be safe and making sure she knows its a big deal when losing ones virginity.

I do agree that trying to ban her will do no good, as you cannot keep an eye on her alll of the time!

my mum was open about these things and as a result i always spoke to her about things as a teenager and i feel it helped me deal with things in a mature manner.

i'm youngish! and was 17 when i lost my virginity but i was lucky that i was fully aware of contraception thanks to my mum. sometimes i think i'm the only girl from my school who hasn't had kids yet

Yes, she loves him and has been with him for a reasonable amount of time - she is young, but mature enough to sustain a sensible relationship.

Better her do it this way - then with someone else later in life who is less suitable. Plus what is a few months?

Sounds like you have a great and open relationship with your daughter (in much the same way i did with my Mum). If you lay down the law after she has told you something like this she is unlikely to do it again.

i too agree with the other posts. if your daughter has already talked to you about it "welldone!!" you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter, i hope i too have that kind with my little one (shes 2)
i had a good relationship with my mum and we were always close enough to talk about these things.
infact we were so close my mum left the house one day, saying she would be back in 3 hours, and that is when i lost my cherry (i was 16 and 10 days)
it wasnt till a few years later that i found out she had gone to her friends and told her that she knew what was happening and that she had done it on purpose. she knew i was safe at home, i knew where she was, and although the relationship with the boy at the time didnt work, i dont think i would have wanted it any other way.

since having a daughter, me and H2B have had many conversations about this type of thing.

my thought is that she cant stay over at a boys house, but after they have been together long enough, shes mature enough etc, he can stay at ours. always better where i can keep an eye on her and at least ill have met the boy.

I totally agree also, let her understand that its against the law and it will be for the rest of her life - but its her choice in the end.

She sounds like a very sensible girl, im glad that she loves the boy and is in a good relationship.

The last thing you would want is for them to go off and have an unprotected fumble instead.

I only hope that if one day I have a little girl, that she will be happy to talk to me as open as your daughter is with you.

All the best and good luck x

I agree with the other posters on this topic. Don't alienate your daughter by getting "heavy" with her. Encourage her to be sensible and safe.

Also the boy is the same age, this is VERY important. I have 3 sons and you really DO have to consider the boyfriend in this. Basically if a 15 year old girl indulges in under-age sex with a partner who is NOT underage and later on regrets the decision, she can make trouble for him and even have him labelled a paedophile. He doesn't have to be a great deal older, she might be 15 and her partner 17 or 18. Even if he was just 16, she can have this power over him if the relationship turns acrimonious. I'm not talking about some far-fetched situation, I'm talking about something that's REALLY happened. Such stories are often in the newspapers and however much the young lady wanted it and consented to it at the time, if she was under the legal age of consent, she can make REAL trouble for him later on if he falls out of her favour.

This happened many years ago to my friend's brother (a man that's now happily married & in his mid-50's) but he was in his late teens at the time and there was a story with his name in the local newspaper. He said he didn't even know the girl was only 15 as she'd lied to him about her age. At one time the offence of having sex with a girl under the age of consent was even known as "statutory rape" - nowadays the guy tends to get branded as a paedophile if the story hits the media. I've personally always thought that the girls in such "exposé" stories never come out of it looking too good either. I'm sorry to raise such an unsavoury aspect of what ought to be a very special occasion for 2 young people but as the mother of 3 sons (as well as one daughter) I felt it was worth mentioning.

Good luck to all concerned!

Bamba x

hi
firstly, congratulations. you and your daughter obviously have a great open relationship. It is such a great thing that she feels she can talk to you about this, and that you also feel ok with talking about it with her....i belive that is quite rare at that age.

Im 20 with a younger sister so can easily recall this age.

i myself was 15 when i lost my virginity. i now regret it because of who it was with. he was a few years older than me, and was using me so he could lose his virginity. however, at the time i thought i felt ready. although i regret it, the thing i regret the most is hurting my family. i dont know how they found out, but they did, i they were very hurt. maybe becasue they lost their little girl, but more likley becuase i was silly, i wasnt in a proper relationship and they could tell that the boy i was with was the wrong sort(shame i didnt). we didnt comunicate much. but even if they had said what they thought of him and tried to guide me away, i would probably been even more determined that i was ready and that i would do what i wanted.

looking back when i see 15 year olds on the street i think they are way too young.

but

your daughter obviosuly seems mature, and is in a open loving relationship. even so i dont think you should encorage her. i think it would be best to wait until she was 16 and legal, teh boy as well. after all, a little wait might mkae it more special when the time comes, and a give her more time to think so she is sure she wants to do it.

as for going on the pill, thats a great idea,and may be considered before she starts having sex. especially if they want to be having sex but are waiting, im sure they will be doing other things(touching etc, which id guess they probably wouldnt use a condom for)....she could get pregnant if sperm is transfered on fingers or clothing(it could be a tiny amoutn of fliud they wouldnt even see).

one more thing., which no one wants to talk about, whatever happens make sure your relationship with your daughter is strong. As with myself, i know of quite a few insidences were the couple have waited, then had sex, and a few weeks later finished the relationship.....and it hurts a lot. having family and friends is very very important.

Hiya!
Your daughter sounds very mature, if she is in a good relationship too, I personally don't think it would be a wise idea to try and make that decision for her. I think it's quite brave to discuss something like this with your mum, when you really don't have to.
I was seventeen when I was first with my boyfriend and to this day my parents aren't accepting of me being with my now fiance (we live together too) and it does result in, what I think is unnecessary upset. xx

I also agree with what has been said. You've obviously got a fantastic relationship with your daughter & have raised her very well

As long as she has all the info then it is her decision & i'm sure ud prefer her to lose her virginity to a boy she loves at 15 than some random drunken fumble when she's older! Personally i think its the situation & person that matters not the exact age, but then i'm not a mum & may change my opinion completely when the day comes that i have a 15yr old!!

Whatever happens with this issue tho, most important bit is keeping that reationship you have with your daughter. Good luck! x

I can only mimic what the other girls have said really, and just hope and pray to god that i have the same sort of relationship with my daughter when she comes along! Well down for bringing up such a sensible young lady! X

I agree with everyone else. I was young when i lost my virginity, however i was in a stable relationship. My partner and myself were able to sit down and ask my mum to help us with beng safe. My mum was very open and even took me to the doctors to go onto the pill.

I think things are different when the child, or should i say young lady is in a stable relationship...

Hope you have a open enough relationship to talk further on this issue!

xxx

i agree with a lot of the comments others have posted.

When i was a teen my parents did what they thought was best and wouldnt let us share a room or anything until i was 18! but that made no difference, if they're going to do it, i don't think there's a lot you can do to stop it.
It sounds like u have a sensible daughter though, she's obviously mature thinking about how to be safe, be thankful she is... alot of teens don't take safety into consideration!
If she's as mature as she sounds i think you just have to leave her to make the decision as to when she's ready.. it sounds as though you have a good relationship with your daughter, so in my opinion all you can do is give her advice and hope she makes the right choices...x

She sounds sooo sweet!!!I am 23 and have been with H2B for 10 years!!!!We have 2 children My eldest 7 years old so yes i was 15 when i had him!!!I was on the pill but my mum thought it was for heavy periods.I was far too embarressed to talk to her about the birds and the bees and 2 b honest she was nieve and thought i wouldnt be up to it.The day i told her i had been having sex was the day i told her i was pregnant!!!Although we have such a good and open relationship now i tink looking back things could have been different but we have a great life own property from buying and selling at the right time and both got gr8 jobs.Having my son so young made us soo determind to succeed and never claim benefits.
Good luck sounds like you have a loving and open relationship with your daughter and you should be soo proud that she feels she can talk to you. x