Should I let these friends go ...

Hi Ladies,

I left college around 18 years ago and had 3 good friends there that I stayed in touch with. Over the years contact has become less and less and for the last 5 years or so has only been christmas/birthday cards.

One of these friends has suggested us meeting up but I really don't feel as though I want to as it has been such a long time since we've seen each other, will we still get on?

I got engaged last Christmas and have provisionally drawn up my invite list and not included these 3 friends. The friend that has suggested meeting up has announced (via facebook) her engagement and set the date 3 weeks before my wedding (she knew the date of my wedding) and I'm really peeed off about it. She has sent me an e-mail saying to save the date but with it being so close to my own wedding I don't feel that I want to go as I will be busy with preparations for my own big day. I have no idea why I am so annoyed with her but I am.

I'm thinking that these people have not been involved in my life and nor me in theirs and I have lots of other good friends that I would rather spend time with. I should say that I'm not interested in meeting up but how do I say it?

Any suggestions would be welcome.

Sorry for such a long rant but thanks for listening,

Love n Hugs
x
:\?

Is her wedding on a work day? If so you could say that because her wedding is now SSSOOO close to yours, you can't unfortunately get any more holidays (or blame H2B!)

You could meet up? Doesn't mean you have to invite them! Say your venue is tight on numbers and fire them an evening invite? x

Thanks for your reply Becks. Her wedding is on a Saturday, which is not a work day for me, so sadly, can't use that as an excuse!

As I'm marrying in a registry office that only holds 45 people I can only invite family to the daytime. I could invite them to the evening reception but not sure I really want them there especially as I haven't seen them in such a long time.

Babes I would still make an excuse saying that your H2B has booked for you to go away that weekend stressing that it's SO close to yours that you need time together before the madness starts!

Don't invite them if you don't want. But just because you meet them for coffee or whatever doesn't mean you have to invite them. It's your day. I would avoid going to hers in case you feel have to send an invite to them in return!

Sure if you don't see them... then if they are bitching about you, it'll not effect you! Suit yourself hon...life is tooo short! xx

I don't think i would bother if you've not really been in touch. I'm not inviting my friends from school who i only send xmas cards to as they aren't really in my life anymore.

I wouldn't get stressed and just say politely that you have other plans for the date of their wedding and 'family' coming in from out of town so will be busy and you are sure she will understand having organised her own wedding, wish her well and leave it at that.

Honey I think you're letting this upset you more than you have to- let's look really at what is on offer here-

a chance to meet up with old friends, with no obligation to invite them to your wedding.

Where is the harm in that? In this life we are surrounded by people who make our day miserable (or is it just me who had a bad week at work??) and isn't a nice to spend time with people who genuinely want to see you?

She has sent you a save the date to hers, but you shouldn't feel like you should do the same! Hope this helps

xxx

I think that she is being nice to want to meet up with you. She seems like she is genuinly making an effort to want to be friends with you.

I agree that setting her wedding three weeks before your own is annoying but its nice of her to invite you. If you don't want to invite her to your wedding then maybe just decline her offer by saying that you had other things planned that weekend as its so close to your own wedding especially if its far away from you.

I think its lovely when people want to genuinely stay friends with people even after many years. I tried to find y best friend from high school that I haven't spoken to in years and searched the phone book for her. We're both from Mauritius. She invited me to her wedding a while back but it was so last minute that there was no way i could afford to pay for a flight to go to Mauritius for her wedding. I'm so glad that now we are in touch again after 4 years of not being in touch and I have invited her and her husband to my wedding in Mauritius. I know she's not really in my life as much anymore. She lives in Qatar in the UAE so chances is that they can't make it but I think it would be lovely to see her after so many years and share one of the biggest days of my life with her too.

Hun, I am not sure why you are upset that she has arranged her wedding 3 weeks before yours considering you have no intention of going to it, and neither do you intend to invite any of them to your wedding. So there isnt going to be mutual friends at the two weddings.

I think you should meet them. You never know, you might re-connect and want to be good friends again. Maybe she hasnt been as lucky at making friends in them 18 years and hopes to become strong friends again with the rest of you.

I think it will be quite easy to decline the wedding, just say that around that point you will be having your hen do and with either be saving for it, or on your hen do.

xx

We're in a similar situation to you.

One of my H2B's oldest friends (they're still pretty close) got engaged a few months before us but they weren't planning to get married any time in the near future. However, out of courtesy, before we set our wedding date we checked that they weren't planning to get married around the same time. They told us that they weren't even thinking of getting married for ages so all was fine. We booked our venue for April next year and have had a great time so far planning the wedding.

Yesterday, we found out through facebook and mutual friends that they have set their date for 2 weeks before us.I am so annoyed/ upset. It's hard to pinpoint why and feel a bit pathetic. We showed them consideration before setting our date but they haven't returned it and just don't care. It's not fair on mutual friends who will now have 2 weddings in 2 weeks. And if we are invited, I don't want to go to another wedding 2 weeks before ours. After months of planning, I would be so upset if they had the same things as us (the worse case scenario being her wearing my dress).

Sorry for the rant but it's good to get if off my chest

I would say that in a way its better that its before yours so you might have time to change things around otherwise they might copy your ideas.

H2B friend was thinking of getting married a few weeks before us and I got annoyed but i don't think they will now as its just over 10 months to go and they haven't booked anything.

She doesn't even have a ring!

Hey MrsLCM2B, it seems, imo, in your post that you don't want to continue the friendship and you don't want to go to her wedding. If you really don't want to go to the wedding then just as the OP have said, say thanks very much for the invite but because it's so close to your wedding that the previous weekends are already booked up doing pre-wedding stuff. If you really don't want to continue the friendship then it's up to you, it's interesting that you're feeling angry with her about her wanting to meet up and rekindle the friendship - maybe you feel you've moved on from the past and feel as though she's trying to recreate something that isn't there anymore, or was there something in the past that you don't want to revisit and is making you feel angry cos you feel she's trying to bring it back, (just a thought and of course I don't know), but it could be if you do go then it's not as bad as you feared; however, whatever the reason, if you really don't want to go there, don't, you're under no obligation. Though, I've been in the position of wanting to just catch up in person with old friends, rather than just with email, not wanting to make it how it was before, but just to see how they are and to say hello, and it's not happened because they don't want to, which is okay, and I have no hard feelings about it, however they haven't said that to my face just stopped contact, which tbh, is most people's reaction.

However, if she's also invited you to the wedding, it could indicate that she does want to become stronger friends again, and then it's up to you whether you want to or not. If you really don't want to go there, maybe just say your really busy....in that way, i think it's nicer than just cold shouldering someone, as people eventually do get the message that you don't want to meet.

Good luck in whatever you choose xx

Thanks for all your replies. It's helpful to hear different opinions.

x

Hi,
Just a quick thought. I met up with some friends recently I havent seen since school. I didnt really know how we would all get on but it was just like going back 20 years, the bonds were still as strong. I realise that sometimes it is not always like this but think back to why you were all so close and go from there. If you go and meet them with an open mind you may be suprised.
Good luck either way.
xx

Hi,

A bit different, but I got engaged end of last year and my friend got engaged a month after me, Ever since we got engaged, we've pretty much been planning our wedding. My friend has only just started thinking about it and has decided to do it a month before me. At first, I was really miffed and could have got so upset over it. But then I realised it is going to be fab swapping ideas and looking at things together. Now I don't mind. Our wedding will be fantastic because it is ours. When her wedding is done, I'll still have ours to look forward to. And hopefully, I'll have picked up some pointers!!!

I have a similar thing with some old friends, but I thought to myself, "would they really want to see me marry" and in the nicest way, I don't think they'd be fussed. They said about meeting up and I worry it'll be uncomfortable. The friends I am very close to, I barely get to see as it is. Think that decided for me xxx