just curious - how old is the youngest second timer on here?

hi ladies, sorry to gatecrash - i dont normally use this forum as it is first time around for me and h2b!

but i am curious as to if there are any quite young brides to be on their second marriage.

i hope you dont think im being rude or jugemental or anything, but the reason i am curious is this:

my brother (who is 33) and his girlfriend (34) have been together for about 11 years. have no intention of getting married or having children, and are just happy as they are.
which is fine. each to their own.
but my brothers girlfriend is quite opinionated, and her younger sister (who is about 28) has been married, divorced, remarried and now has a baby with her 2nd husband.

ive never met the sister, but i think she was about 22/23 when she first got married, then divorced at around 24 and remarried at 26.

my point is that by brothers girlfriend was being so judgemental about how young her sister was to be on her second marriage and practically blaming her for not making her first one work!
wtf?
i found this quite upsetting even though i dont know the sister.
she also said that when her sister was first organising things second time around and particualrly looking at dresses - shop assistants were either rude or just made the experience unpleasent as they couldnt believe her age and the fact that it was her 2nd marriage.

if that were me, i wouldnt even have brought it up as it has nothing to do with them!
but to be fair to the girl, i think she mentioned it as she had a fairly 'traditional' wedding and dress first time, and when explaining the kind of dress she wanted this time, she wanted something quite different to the 1st dress.

anyway i just dont think its fair for people (especially when they have not been through the experience of marriage themselves) to judge and form opinions on other people just because they have been married before! and how people just assume that if you are on your second marriage, you must be older than the average 1st time bride!

in my experience, both mine and h2bs parents are divorced, and both dads remarried, and ive never seen them as happy once they were remarried!

anyway, just curious thats all!

[Modified by: smartarse on 11 July 2009 23:43:26 ]

Well, since I'm 51, it won't be me! I got married in March this year.

I'm afraid people who are NOT married (or married unhappily) will generally be the ones most likely to be negative about other people’s weddings and marriages. I’m rather surprised she’s so judgemental about her own sister though.

I remember being a 17 year old back in 1975. I was staying at an Aunty’s house and her next door neighbour was living with his partner (they weren’t married) – not all that common an occurrence in those days. My Aunty informed me that she didn’t condemn them at all for living together without being married but added “In set-ups like that, when the couple are living together it’s always because the man won’t marry the girl....” I thought that was rather a sweeping statement. Years later though, I felt that there was something in her assertion. Not necessarily that the man won’t marry the girl – sometimes it’s actually the female partner that’s not too keen on marrying her bloke! But I’d generally say that it’s rare for the decision not to marry to be completely mutual. This person that’s making all these comments puts me in mind of the saying “the Lady Doth Protest, Too Much!”

I would always avoid asking a couple if they had wedding plans if they were living together. It’s the kind of question that would really put them on the spot. The partner that’s been skilfully avoiding marriage is going to feel uncomfortable, the one that craves it will feel even more uncomfortable.

Anyway, I digress. Your brother and his partner live together. They are not married and she seems to have a lot to say about her sister. And it’s her younger sister who’s already had two bites of the marriage cherry. Oh yes, and she has a baby too! Do you think that’s another factor in her criticism of her sister? When one person of a couple is adamant that they want no children, then the other one either has to comply or trick them. You don’t know the full circumstances of your brother’s relationship. She could be the one whose idea it was to not marry – or she could be the one who wishes her partner would just sweep her off her feet and propose!

I once knew someone who was very cutting and bitter about other people’s happiness and success. She never married but had 6 children to 2 different men, both of whom she had long term relationships with. I don’t think a failed marriage is something so very terrible these days. It’s happened to me and I waited nearly 20 years after I left him to marry again.

Try reading between the lines with your brother’s partner.

Bamba xx

I'm new on here and I really hope I'm not the oldest ! I'm 56.......

Damn I read that wrongly...and now I've admitted my age ! lol

I'm 41 - will be 42 when we get married, h2b will be 51.

Am just turned 32. Am sure I am not the youngest, there was a whole '30' thread going on here a few months ago

I was 41 when I re married for the 2nd time.

When I went dress shopping it was just me and my 13 year old (well she was 12 then). And the shop assistants would look at us and one even asked ' so which one is the bride?'

Like it was going to be a 12 year old - but it couldn't possibly be the fat frumpy mother could it !!

Here we are on our wedding day - I thought I looked fab !!!!

lol Black Rose!! What a cheek!

26 - I'll be the grand old age of 27 when I marry hubby2b in September though.

I totally sympathise with the sister, people think you're wierd to be divorced at my age or that you must have rushed into it the first time round. Not always like that though, I was with my first husband for nearly 4 years when we married and had lived together but he changed so much after the wedding I wasn't prepared to put up with it so I left 6 months later and now I couldn't be happier to be marrying someone else! He is also remarrying so it obviously wasn't right for either of us.