prospect of being stepmum really scaring me!!!!!!!!!!

I am getting married in Sept, I have a daughter 17 and my partner has 4 children, 22, 21, 19 and 7. Over the last few years they have been problematic, but not particularly to us as a couple. Anyway I dont know if I'm being silly, but some of the behaviour really upsets me. The latest and the straw that has broke the camel's back, is the 22 year old has just had a baby girl, we bought the baby lots of gifts, gorgeous clothes, baby monitors and a beautiful ragdoll, that we bought as her first doll and something for her to keep forever, thankyou card to Grandad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am really upset after making such an effort, Am I being irrational or is this all just part of being stepmum xx PS, if my daughter had done this I would have gone mad, but to be fair to her she wouldn't be so rude xx sorry for rant

awwwww i am sorry to hear this . . .rant away.
I dont know anything about being a step mum/ mum, but totally know how it feels to make such an effort and only h2b gets thanks for it.
i am sure it will all work out well and hope you have lovely wedding day xxx

Hi,
I don't have any experience on having any step children, but I was a step child and looking back now I can see that I was really out of order to my step parents...(although in some cases I still think I was justified!!), but that does sound like something done out of spite, and she was probably well aware that it would offend you when she wrote the card just to grandad.
I don't really think there is alot you can do other than hope that she grows up and realises that something like that can be taken offensively.
Its quite ungrateful not to thank you and if she was my daughter I would be embarrassed, but like you said your daughter wouldn't have behaved like this.
But sometimes step families can be strange, my h2b's dad is remarried and has been for over 10 years yet all the cards from him are still signed just from dad rather than dad and alison (which I find incredibly strange!) as I write any cards to them both, but some people are just funny. I still sent them a 'grandad & grandma' card at christmas from my little girl and on her birthday card she signed her name...SHOCK HORROR!
So maybe if you send them a congratulations card you could put it from both of you she might accept that you are a package even if the baby doesn't call you grandma/nanny???
Keep us posted, hope everything goes well!

xxxx

We sent the card from Grandad and Cate, the big bag of pressies also from Grandad and Cate and the doll was all wrapped up in a gorgeous gift box and tag from Grandad and Cate.
I have calmed down a little, and just going to rise above and ignore the pettiness. H2B made me laugh, he said he will choose the next present and it wont be quite as extravagant, he thinks they will soon want Grandad and Cate buying them together, (he is a little tight with his money and I am a little ott, I just love buying gifts for others as well as myself, hee hee ), thanks for your comments xx

I think I am very lucky. My H2B has 2 beautiful children aged 10 and 7 and I have been around since they were both very young.
They both tell me how much they love me each day they see me and tell me that they are excited to be having me as a step mum but I need to be more evil!! I even have a little note written to me by the youngest one which says that I am the best wicked stepmother ever!
I am so lucky but am waiting for the day when I hear the words "you can't tell me what to do, you aren't my mother!"
so sorry to hear that your situation is so much more difficult. I hope that you can rise above the pettiness.