Is a bottle a night too much?

Hi
I could really do with some advice - at the moment I feel like I am going mad. Just had another huge argument with my H2B about his drinking. I am certain he is drinking far far to much to be healthy, however he insists he is not and tells me it is none of my business I am should stop trying to force him to conform to my opinion. The thing is he is drinking over a bottle of wine a night plus a couple of spirits (or one of those huge 2L? bottles of cider.) Is this too much - it doesn't even make him tipsy anymore, but it makes him snore so I dont sleep, plus get really distant and snappy with me, We dont even have sex any more. However he insists it doesnt change his behaviour and that it is all in my imagination. Whenever I try to talk to him about it I dont shout or cry, but he gets so angry and picks apart everything I say rather than actually concentrating on the main issue.
Please let me know if this is just me?

Oh hun, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I have no personal experience of alcohol related issues, but just to say that if you go on the number of units the health organisations recommend as the maximum, then he is definitely drinking well over this amount.

Is alcohol his main problem, or does he use it to mask/cope with another deeper problem?

I hope someone with experience of this comes along soon to give some proper advice, but just wanted you to know that there are people here who care and will listen xx

Thanks for your support - just helps to know there are people out there who care! Im a Windsor girl too!

Yes, It really is way too much. I think the average number of units in a bottle of wine is 7-9 units depending on strength then a unit for each measure of spirits.

He really need to understand that his behaviour affects your life so its your problem aswell, and i doubt this will change after marriage, so you need to think about what you want for your life together. I'm not sure how you can make him see his problems, why not talk to the nhs alchohol service..go on the nhs website nd find service in your area and they might be able to give you some suggesttions on how to deal with this...but utimately he need to take you into consideration.

Emma.xx

To me that sounds like he is an alcoholic and has a big problem.
His snappy reactions towards you, probably means that he knows it quite well. You know how people get snappy when others mention their weak point? I think that is waht he does.
I also think that he needs profesional help because no way can he be healthy if he keeps drinking like that.

Yay for Windsor!
Have you tried contacting AA or one of the support groups that are out there for those with alcoholic family members?
Like Emma says, until he sees there is a problem he isn't going to change. I don't know how you can help, as you've already made your feelings quite clear and he refuses to acknowledge the truth in what you're telling him.
How long have you got till the wedding? xx

Hun i was married to an alcoholic for six (very long) years, though his main problem was beer. No amount of me trying to talk to him helped, me threatening to leave didn't work either. It sounds like your h2b has a problem. Believe me i know how you feel!

From my experience there's usually an underlying cause to the excessive drinking, but they have to want to find help themselves, and to do that your h2b needs to know how this is effecting you. Do members of his family see the drinking too? Can you all talk to him together?

If you want to talk i'm here and you can email me!

Yes it is too much and if it changes his behaviour you have every right to say something and for him to listen and change for him and for you.

To be honest until recently i was drinking at least a bottle of wine (sometimes 2) a night, i felt awful and knew it was too much, i became lazy, fuzzy, snappy and generally a different person. now i've stopped i feel so much better so you must persevere!

On a similar note as you my hubby has had a problem with smoking too much wacky backy! it has the same effect on him by the sound of it that alcohol has on your partner, i nagged & nagged, cryed everything to get him to stop.

In the end i found it all and threw it all away, he went baslistic but it worked and touch wood he hasn't smoked it since, now i;m not worried about him smoking i've stopped drinking sometimes drastic measures do work!

Is there a reason he is drinking too much? it might be something is worrying him and this is his way of forgetting about it and blotting it out, maybe you need to dig a little deeper.

10 months. Last night I said to him that if he carried on drinking like this that I didn't want to marry him. He got so upset and angry - what he cant see is that it would make both our lives a misery as I would constantly nag him to stop, and he would be constantly snappy and moody. He is the most wonderful man in the world normally and I love him so much - I just dont understand why he cant cut down. Its so unhealthy for him. Even if he doesn't agree that it is too much, can't he do it for may sake - shouldn't I come before it?

It's far too much, and he's an alcoholic. Sorry to be blunt, but I've watched my gran die from alcoholism, and my papa still is. It's one reason why I never drink very much, because I know that on that side of the family at least, there is clearly an gene for addiction to the stuff, and I refuse to shorten my lifespan, or make people's lives as miserable as she made mine and my mum's when I was growing up due to her nastiness, which all stemmed from the demon drink.

He needs to seek help, and he won't believe you when you tell him he has a problem. But if you love one another, he needs to take that first step, and you need to convince him to do it.

If he doesn't, then he doesn't care about himself or you, and you don't need to be with a man like that.

a bottle of wine a night is way too much. im pretty sure youre not supposed to have more than about a glass of wine on a daily basis. it does sound like he has a problem tbh. can he go without drinking anything? if you were to go away for a week and he didnt have access to any alcohol, could he do this? to me there is a huge difference between drinking too much because you are simply enjoying the wine (although this is also not good), and having an addiction. an addiciton is much harder to kick.
xx

You will usually find that when sober yes, he is nice, and can be the most caring person, but when the drink takes over it's a nightmare. I used to call my ex jekyll and hyde. Please sit down and talk to him (when sober obviously) and tell him how you feel, that you are scared for him. Do some research first, find local charities in your area that can help him find out why he is turning to the drink and how to deal with it. I truly do hope you can work through it together as it can destroy relationships, as it did mine with my ex.

Try some of these websites. It may help to print off some information to hand to your h2b to read.

http://www.alcoholissues.co.uk/support-family-friends-alcoholics.html
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa000601a.htm
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/Alcoholsupport.aspx

If you can, please try to convince him to talk to his GP.

Crikey I think it is way too much...I used to drink a lot EVERY night just like him, I wasn't an aloholic as if I needed a night off the booze I could and it wasn't an issue for me, I didn't crave it or get irritable or snappy with my fella.

I think he is going to end up doing some major damage to his body if he carries on...as you say it affects things such as your sex life and when drinking starts to affect other aspects of your life it is time to knock it on the head and for him to become a more responsible drinker. I bet he can't remember the last time he woke up with a nice clear head in the morning.....a bottle may not seem like a great deal, especially to guys but nonetheless it is still WAY too much.

I hope he can begin to accept that he has a problem hun, it is the biggest step anyone ever had to take but once they admit it themself then that can open doorways to solve the whol problem x

im windsor too!!! lol

it does sound like he is drinking far to much, mrs heenan is right its seriously damaging for his body. i really hope u manage to sort this out with him, but he needs to realise for himself. tjhis could be devestating for your relationship and he has to realise. sorry im not much help, this is a difficult problem good luck xx

I agree with what the ladies have said here, the amount you describe is far too much. I also agree that there may be an underlying reason why he is drinking so much - is it a form of escapism? Is he trying to avoid something? I can only add to the excellent advice of others to try and get him some hlp