need to vent!!!...please can we have your opinions?

Hi everyone,
please can you help?! It starts here.........

bit of background so you know where im coming from.....
We are pregnant, so a lot of our time and money is going towards the baby. and like most of you out there we are already on a budget!
bear in mind we are planning/organising and paying for the wedding ourselves.
sorry this has turned out to be a very long post!!

OK.....H2b was having a conversation on the phone to his Dad about our wedding day, it got round to talking about the guests. (only close family and friends are invited to the full day, which still comes to 100!!! ) H2b was asking for addresses for guests on Dads side of the family and his Dad then sounded shocked that his friends were only invited to the evening. his Dad then proceeded to say we have kept him in the dark about the wedding (this is not true as he has been aware of all our plans throughout). He then proceeded to hang up the phone!!! and not answer when H2b tried to call back!!

Since then a couple of days later we have recieved a couple of emails from H2b's Dad about the wedding guests. In the first email he stated it is normal for the father of the groom to have friends invited to the whole wedding day, and REQUIRED 9 places!!! to which we were shocked and annoyed firstly, that he could not call us and felt had to send an email and then make these demands! especially as we had eventually got a final list together and are in the process of sending the save the dates. We replied to say that his friends, of which there are 4, are invited to the evening reception.

The 2nd email which we still cant believe!!!!! said that he had ALREADY invited 6 friends (that h2b has only met 2/3 times) to the whole wedding day in place of some family members who would not be able to come. we were aware these family mambers could not come so they are not included in our final numbers. We have replied to stress again that 4 of his friends are invited to the evening and that the other 2 friends are not invited as we already have our final numbers. we also said that this may have been different had he spoken to us about this initially when the plans for the wedding started.

We are worried about this as it is after all H2b's Dad, but feel we need to stick to our word as he has done similar things in the past eg trying to take control of a situation when it is neither needed or wanted.
Also we now have all the extras eg, chair covers/table plans/table decorations sorted.
Have we done the right thing???? please help us with your opinions
Thanks so much

Gemma

Hi everyone,
please can you help?! It starts here.........

bit of background so you know where im coming from.....
We are pregnant, so a lot of our time and money is going towards the baby. and like most of you out there we are already on a budget!
bear in mind we are planning/organising and paying for the wedding ourselves.
sorry this has turned out to be a very long post!!

OK.....H2b was having a conversation on the phone to his Dad about our wedding day, it got round to talking about the guests. (only close family and friends are invited to the full day, which still comes to 100!!! ) H2b was asking for addresses for guests on Dads side of the family and his Dad then sounded shocked that his friends were only invited to the evening. his Dad then proceeded to say we have kept him in the dark about the wedding (this is not true as he has been aware of all our plans throughout). He then proceeded to hang up the phone!!! and not answer when H2b tried to call back!!

Since then a couple of days later we have recieved a couple of emails from H2b's Dad about the wedding guests. In the first email he stated it is normal for the father of the groom to have friends invited to the whole wedding day, and REQUIRED 9 places!!! to which we were shocked and annoyed firstly, that he could not call us and felt had to send an email and then make these demands! especially as we had eventually got a final list together and are in the process of sending the save the dates. We replied to say that his friends, of which there are 4, are invited to the evening reception.

The 2nd email which we still cant believe!!!!! said that he had ALREADY invited 6 friends (that h2b has only met 2/3 times) to the whole wedding day in place of some family members who would not be able to come. we were aware these family mambers could not come so they are not included in our final numbers. We have replied to stress again that 4 of his friends are invited to the evening and that the other 2 friends are not invited as we already have our final numbers. we also said that this may have been different had he spoken to us about this initially when the plans for the wedding started.

We are worried about this as it is after all H2b's Dad, but feel we need to stick to our word as he has done similar things in the past eg trying to take control of a situation when it is neither needed or wanted.
Also we now have all the extras eg, chair covers/table plans/table decorations sorted.
Have we done the right thing???? please help us with your opinions
Thanks so much

Gemma

calculate the extra cost....tell him, and tell him he's going to have to cough up cos thats your nursery money (or something similar). Its unlikely that he's going to want to deprive his grandchild
x

Stand your ground. We were asked from the start by H2B's parents "how many guests are we having?" and they constantly got the answer "none" only to be told "it doesn't work like that". They've finally realised that it does and we will not be bullied into having people at our wedding that we aren't close too.

For us it's not about the money or they would definitely try that one but my mum and dad are paying for the full reception and aren't demanding that anyone is invited!

Don't let him win with this otherwise your married life will be full of him bullying you xx

I totally agree with your stance and how you seem to be handling it - nice but firm. Keep it up!

Thanks cplusplus
We had thought of that and think he will probably say he will pay for them. But the main thing is if we invite them then it means we can not invite a couple of our own friends as we have already filled the venue!. And we already have a reserve list with other friends on if guests say they cant come. Argh we are feeling so stressed by all this.

aww hun he sounds awful. I have a similair situation with my mother (wont get into details, it's a long story) but stick to your grounds hun xx

That sounds out of line to me. Doesn't he understand what a tight budget you're on and the hassle this would cause with re-oragnising everything.

ah............then its easy.......there's no room at the inn....simple

Thanks for all the speedy replies!!
Betty Bee, Emzlt and DIY bride87,
feeling a little bit better now all three of you are saying the same thing. I think we will stick to what we have said as otherwise he will feel he can push us around in the future. Just hope it doesnt cause lasting problems! thanks girls xx

No problem and I hope you get it sorted. I just think it's easier making a stance to begin with otherwise people will think they can get away with murder!!

Good luck!! xx

Kia-ora,
thanks....i dont think he does realise as all he is thinking about is himself! x

We are still waiting for a reply from our last email so will let you know what happens! I still cant believe the tone and words he has used.....
thanks all xx

no worries hun, don't let him push you around good luck & congratulations xx

i'm sorry but if he's not payin then he has no right.

yes it is tradition for the grooms fathers friends to be there if the parents are paying!!!

stick to ur guns and say no

xx