Have you faced comments like these?

Here’s a new post which I’m putting in “Older brides-to-be” and also in “Second Time Around” It’ll strike a chord with quite a few of you!

For some of us, being part of a happy couple who are planning a wedding, comes with a price, according to our parents’ generation and their perception of weddings and what is “right” and “wrong”. This is especially so for those of us who are older and/or when it’s our second time around (in our case, Earl & I are older than quite a few of the PARENTS of some of the younger brides & grooms using these forums!).

How many have you have had your wedding dreams and plans sneered at or stamped on by parents, parents-in-law, grandparents, aunties or “older” relatives/friends? Have you been told you’re making “too much fuss”? Or has it been suggested that people will laugh at you for doing it a certain way? Are there people who have their own fixed ideas of what is right, proper and correct, who seem to think you’re “flouting” convention with your marriage plans? Are you made to feel stupid for wanting something fairly traditional when you’re an older bride or not a first-time bride?

Basically (at least in the eyes of these old-fashioned, die-hard traditionalists), the wedding of your DREAMS is only feasible if you “deserve” it. Otherwise, financial considerations aside, it’s often deemed to be in “poor taste” to make your wedding a big occasion if any of the following apply:

a) You’ve been married before (either of you)
b) You’ve lived together BEFORE being legally married
c) You’re over the age of 35!
d) You’ve had one or more children “out of wedlock”
e) You’re marrying someone who is a great deal older or younger than you
f) Either of you have EVER been involved in something “shameful” in your previous life – for example, committing adultery, being involved in crime, scandal or disgrace, or even being closely related to or associated with anyone who’s been linked to something shameful. Or if you’re innocent of any of these, it’s enough to have been “accused” or “suspected” of such behaviour
g) A close family member recently died
h) You’re already happily married but the original wedding was very quiet, low-key and modest and this time you want a re-dedication of vows with all the pomp and circumstance of a great wedding!

And if any of the above apply, then you don’t really have the “right” to get married with any of the following features:

a) Church wedding
b) Wanting to wear white/ivory/cream – especially in a full length gown – as a Bride
c) Wanting to publish your engagement, your plans to marry or your wedding photos in the press
d) Expensive civil ceremony OR any aspect of your wedding being expensive – including reception
e) Wearing a veil!!
f) Having bridesmaids and other attendants – especially children.
g) A wedding cake of more than one tier
h) Speeches at the reception
i) An overseas wedding which is promoted by the happy couple with pride, joy and excitement – and they want people to come and share their day with them! Weddings abroad are apparently so couples can do it quickly and alone with least amount of fuss and attention!!
j) Any wedding that has had more than the very minimum of time, money, publicity and effort spent on it.

Yes, it’s all a bit harsh, isn’t it? But these are the views of great many of the older generation, granted some of them are really extreme but believe me, every single one of the points above will have the support of hundreds of people that “believe” it’s correct and right to think this way.

My husband Earl & I had a wedding that didn’t cost a fortune but a lot of hard work and planning went into it. And my dear, old-fashioned mother was actually incredibly proud of me on that day. So I really think it’s best to just go your own way and enjoy yourself. Anyone (whether a relative or someone else) that bad-mouths you afterwards or criticises your wedding would have done so anyway, even with the type of wedding they felt you OUGHT to have had!

Bamba xx

Yea Bamba way to go! I'm having a few of the odd comments some from family members too...but I've decided to just carry on regardless...nobody else's business really is it? Have found a great song to walk out to...lol....The Beatles (For I have got) Another Girl ! That will knock anyone who wanted to have a remark on their backside my h2b says ha ha x

Well I tick a few of those boxes and at 47 being a first bride 2 be, H2B is 33 briefly married before. No children on either side and we don't live together just really cos of circumstances. But this also brings it's own probs....people think that we're somehow naive as we've not run our our home etc. Mind you we're having our RC ceremony which has been easier than I thought to arrange given H2B was married before.

The fact that we hold down responsible jobs and earn a good wage doesn't seem to figure, we've got enough furniture for two houses and don't need a thing so we can pour all our spare cash into a big flamboyant wedding if we want, but for some reason that just doesn't seem right so we're keeping a close eye on the pennies and probably doing it a whole lot cheaper with hard work.

So we've said we're doing 'our way' and stuff what others think. So far we're getting away with it LOL.

That's true of us too. I'm 43 and Paul is 32, and we've lived together for about 3 of the 5 years we've been together.

Two things have really saved us a lot of heartache
1) We're paying for everything ourselves, so we get to make all the decisions
2) We're old and experienced enough not to bow to pressure

I think the thing that has raised most eyebrows is that we're getting married in Church, but those people who've had bitchy stuff to say have just fallen off our invitation list.

It's outrageous isn't it that people are getting an invitation to a catered party, and their response is to tell you how it's not quite how they want it and can you just change x, y or z? Our answer to all of these has been "we'll send you an invitation, come if you feel you can but if not then that's up to you and we'll still love you". Blooming cheek!

Oh yes, I faced lots of comments like these. But only from my mother. The rest of our families and friends were amazingly supportive.

I married for the first time at the 'ripe old' age of 44, my husband is a year younger and it was his first time too! We had the full works which included:

A full RC Nuptial Mass in a cathedral with priest and deacon.
A full length ivory silk gown, complete with diamante-scattered cathedral veil for me and a lovely black suit with ivory waistcoat for my hubby.
FIve ( Yes - FIVE!!) BM's and a Groomsman.
Vintage car to get me to the church and us to the reception after.
Catered reception with silver-service sit down meal, evening buffet, speeches, disco and all the that good stuff.
Friends and family flying in from all over the world to share our happiness in our big day.

In short - we had the Full Monty. OUR WAY AND JUST THE WAY WE WANTED IT!! And NO-ONE was gonna tell me any rubbish on how to do it differently!




[Modified by: Mrs Catlover64 on August 30, 2009 01:32 PM]

I'm 46 and h2b is 47, neither married before or children and we're having a church wedding - I've had a few comments by his sister about what I'm wearing (she's not sure she's even coming to the wedding now because of her moggie!), my sister has tried to stick her oar in but as we're paying for it then it's our decision!

Here here girls, quite agree, MrsCatLover, yours sounds lovely, have you got any pics?

And I thought it was just me !! Im 58 and my H2B is 50, were flying to Dom Republic in 2 weeks with my 2 girls and three grand-kids, What getting married again at your age , was a comment I got today, how very rude, I practically through him out 9of my shop, he was very serious, what right has he to say such a horrid thing,

I wonder why when it comes to a wedding do people feel its fine to be so outspoken.

Mrs B - since you asked so nicely , here's a couple of pix which I hope you'll like...







[Modified by: Mrs Catlover64 on September 13, 2009 05:40 PM]



[Modified by: Mrs Catlover64 on September 13, 2009 05:41 PM]