Second time around - the comments people make!!

Hi,
I've just logged on, and have had a read...it's really nice to hear lots of lovely people being really supportive.

We got engaged in December, and I really really can't wait to marry P and spend the rest of my life with him. We've booked a venue and a date for July 2011.

I'm a bit stressed at the moment, and can't work out if I'm being over sensitive or not.
The problem is this is my second wedding, and I've had a few negative/trying to be funny comments from my family and friends. I made a comment about maybe hiring my wedding dress and a family member responded that I had to buy one so I could pass it on to any potential daughter, and to wear at my next wedding...ha ha. The same person said that my brother would be happy to give me away and has kept the speech from the first time....I'm not sure if I'm over reacting or not!!!

My other half P is so kind, calm and always sees the good in others, but I feel my lot are just horrible.

My only adult bridesmaid is being very strange, she varies from not bothered at all, to being really bossy. She didn't even ask to see my engagement ring when I met with her. She asked me how much weight I was planning on loosing...I hadn't said I wasn't planning on loosing any...and kind of implied that because I was more relaxed the first time round (wore blue knickers and trainers under a very long ivory dress), that somehow I subconsciously knew the marriage was going to fail and that I wasn't taking my vows seriously. I didn't at all, and completely thought that marriage was going to last forever.

I'm really tempted to run away somewhere with just me and P, but I know that we've got loads of friends and some nice family who have been routing for us since we got together, and P really wants a massive celebration with everyone there, I'm just worried that with a year and a half to go, the stress (not from organising the wedding) but from certain family member, is just going to get so much worse....

Anyway sorry for the moan
xxx

[Modified by: katebea on 24 January 2010 17:09:24 ]

Hi,
I've just logged on, and have had a read...it's really nice to hear lots of lovely people being really supportive.

We got engaged in December, and I really really can't wait to marry P and spend the rest of my life with him. We've booked a venue and a date for July 2011.

I'm a bit stressed at the moment, and can't work out if I'm being over sensitive or not.
The problem is this is my second wedding, and I've had a few negative/trying to be funny comments from my family and friends. I made a comment about maybe hiring my wedding dress and a family member responded that I had to buy one so I could pass it on to any potential daughter, and to wear at my next wedding...ha ha. The same person said that my brother would be happy to give me away and has kept the speech from the first time....I'm not sure if I'm over reacting or not!!!

My other half P is so kind, calm and always sees the good in others, but I feel my lot are just horrible.

My only adult bridesmaid is being very strange, she varies from not bothered at all, to being really bossy. She didn't even ask to see my engagement ring when I met with her. She asked me how much weight I was planning on loosing...I hadn't said I wasn't planning on loosing any...and kind of implied that because I was more relaxed the first time round (wore blue knickers and trainers under a very long ivory dress), that somehow I subconsciously knew the marriage was going to fail and that I wasn't taking my vows seriously. I didn't at all, and completely thought that marriage was going to last forever.

I'm really tempted to run away somewhere with just me and P, but I know that we've got loads of friends and some nice family who have been routing for us since we got together, and P really wants a massive celebration with everyone there, I'm just worried that with a year and a half to go, the stress (not from organising the wedding) but from certain family member, is just going to get so much worse....

Anyway sorry for the moan
xxx

[Modified by: katebea on 24 January 2010 17:09:24 ]

Im the same!

I have been married before and had a terrible first marriage and have done a very good job of forgetting my past, i had to, but i've learnt from it.

This time round its a totally different feeling and i cant wait to celebrate the love me and my h2b have for each other.

My h2b is a church goer and wouldnt have anything other than a church wedding, and i want this too.

But people do seem intent on bringing up the past at a time when it should be about you, your h2b and your future together. Even my Mum refers to 'last time' every now and again.

Those family members i know will make comment and compare this wedding to the last i'll be inviting to the evening only - after all i havent seen them since 'last time' much as i've tried to keep contact.

Im rising above it and enjoying planning a beautiful day to celebrate our love for each other and looking forward to our future. But believe me, you're not alone!x

Awe thanks for your reply, I really wish I could just invite them to the evening do, but they're coming from Australia and Canada....hmmm!!!!
Ah well, will just have to learn to ignore.
Hope your plans are coming on nicely...when's the special day?

Kate. I am sorry to hear that some of your family are not that considerate to your feelings...unfortunately we cannot pick our family and that is what friends are for!

Maybe you need to speak to your bridesmaid and tell her what her role as bridesmaid entails?! (It is about making you feel beautiful and she should be honoured to share your day with you).

I had a big church wedding the first time (as did my h2b). we have opted for a much smaller ceremony this time (still a church minister but being held in a castle with very few family and friends). It feels more intimate this way that I didn't then have to invite people just because I had been to their wedding...and we both wanted something different from our first wedding but still special. I wish you both a wonderful happy day, don't let others ruin it for you.

its my second time to well for us both, im to relaxed this time tbh!! and my bridesmaid dont seem to be bothered too, my mum is bugging me alittle bit as she keeps calling my other half my ex husband name as it sounds the "same" which is annoying me alittle bit, ill admit a short period of time for us both being togther but we're so excited and its smaller and i know what im doing this time.
Enjoy your day hun even its its just a few friends and family, thats whats we're doing plus its my 30th

It's second time for me and third for P - however we are doing getting married because we totally love each other - NOW - and have learned from the mistakes etc from the past. P will be 45 and I will be almost 40 when we do marry on May 20th 2010 and to be honest, I really can't wait. I simply want to tell the world how much i love P and marrying him, notwithstanding all the comments i have had from family and friends in the past, seems exactly the right thing to do. We have booked and planned the day ourselves and have told no-one, not even Paul's daughter who lives with us. We are doing the planning quietly and methodically and people will know when the invitations go out - it is then up to them if they want to celebrate with us - to be honest the invitations are going out only to a select few - those who love us and believe in us.

Hope things go well for you, best wishes.

Awe thanks ladies, I think my lot are just bloody strange, and i might have been a tad hper sensitive xxx

Sorry - just joined YAYW, so reply might be too old to be relevant. I am on second marriage and over 50. Family all asked why we are bothering. A couple were suprised that I am 'dressing up' at my age and expect me to wear a smart suit. We are having church ceremony, I found a lovely ivory dress which I AM going to wear, but am not having a veil.
Why cant they all be happy for us. I last married over 20 years ago and it lasted 3 years. Me and H2B have been together 7 years and want to marry. They are coming round but I would have liked them to be happy for us from the start.

I'm in a very similar position, my H2B and I are still waiting for our divorces to go through and as soon as they have we're eloping to vegas, I've casually mentioned to family and friends we will do this but I doubt they've taken me seriously, I have an engagement ring but haven't made a big announcement because I guess I feel we wont be taken seriously as neither of us made it a year with our previous spouses. We were with the wrong people and I felt pressured as I'd had a child with mine but this way it's not about them. Consider it! Who cares what others say, it's about you and you H2B being in love and wanting to be married! Good Luck!

Thank you ladies,
I am having wobbles at the moment about whether I should buy the big beautiful wedding dress that I love, or tone it down a bit (as it is my second time....)

I've just sent my bridesmaid an email explaining how I feel. I would have prefered to speak face to face or even via the phone, but every time I mention we should catch up on the phone or for lunch, she never responds to the text...so I'm preparing myself for the worst now....but to be honest it needed to be done to stop myself from winding myself up every time she doesn't answer a text, or return a missed call.

and we've just booked a holiday to Vegas (my 1st time) in September...I'll try not to get married there (I don't think it's that easier to just walk in and get wed), but am sooooooooo tempted. It would really upset P though (so best not)

So pleased its Friday and can't wait for the long weekend next weeked.
Have a good weekend ladies

you should definatley go for the big dress! It's my 2nd time too and my dress will be bigger, better and sparklier than last time! Because this time I'm doing it because I'm madly in love and not young, naive and ever-so-slightly foolish! It's your day so you do exactly what you want. Just because its your 2nd time certainley doesn't make it 2nd best!

It is my second time, my H2b first, we are both young, my first marriage wasn't right (although it took him having a affair to make me realise and get out).
I had the big wedding the first time and made all the compromises and pleased everyone else while desparately trying to keep it what I wanted only to accept it was as good as it could be. Although the wedding I am planning now is smaller it is everything I could ever want.
Only those people I want there are invited, its on a beach and I am wearing the dress that suits me best. A couple of people have given me the feeling of why bother it's the second time. I am ignoring them you should katebea, you are marrying the man you love, your wedding day is about the two of you declaring your love to each other, and they get the privelege of being a part of that. At the end of the day when you look back you remember your day, the regrets and the best bits, they look back and remember they went to a wedding. Its what you remember thats important, put yourself first, and hey everyone on this forum would love to see you in a beautiful dress rather than someones elses idea of a compromise, as would your man. Pick the dress that makes you feel amazing.

Hi Everyone,
My family - well, My mum has been the same.
I've not had a negative comment or snide remark from anyone but my Mum!!!
In fact, when me & my ex husband split up, within a matter of weeks, she told me that if I ever got married again then she would not be paying for it!!!!!!!!

I have to be honest and say that this time around, I have not consulted her on anything.
My H2B & I have made all the decisions oursleves.
I wonder if this is why she makes some of the comments she does as she is feeling pushed out!!

Families eh!!!???

Hey sweets

First off, congratulations on your wedding!

With regards others, it's a bit of a toughie, I know. It's my second wedding too, and to make things a bit more complicated, we were engaged and planning a wedding early last year, then split up and have got back together, and getting married this October.

So I totally sympathise, as I've had a dose of what you're going through too (e.g. 'keep the receipt for the dress'....'second time lucky' etc) which is pretty hurtful, as I'm sure you know. Also, I find it a bit difficult to deal with as my first marriage broke down after 18 months because ex-husband was physically abusive. People have very short memories I find!

I think most of it is people's awkwardness and that, contrary to the fact that many people get divorced these days, some peeps still find it hard to deal with. That's their problem I'm afraid honey, and not yours. For every one person that is slightly negative, I just know that you'll have ten people who are over the moon that you've found the right man.

With regards your friend, that's hard too....again, people do surprise us sometimes, and I'm sure you had counted on her being more supportive. I know last year, I had a friend who I'd actually asked to be a bridesmaid, who totally blew a gasket and refused to speak to me after I offered to take her shopping to buy shoes (I was going to pay for them!) Turns out, she thought I was being 'condescending' because she was single and felt I was rubbing her nose it in by asking her to be a bridesmaid! I felt awful that she would take it that way, apologised and asked what I could do to make it better, but she still refuses to speak to me, even now. And I'd known her for 15 odd years!

So, again, I'd say to you, just remember what all of this is about - a future with your lovely man. At the end of the day, hopefully you'll have a lovely wedding etc, but the most important thing is you and him and your future. Regardless of what anyone says.

Wishing you lots of love, luck and happiness on your big day.

Big hugs, and don't let 'em get you down!

xxxx