Dont no what to do!

me and h2b having been getting along so good lately thes really snappy and nothing i do is right hes having problems at work an his work may be shutting down so have just been putting it down to that, well its all come to a head this mornin.
I logged on to the bank account just to check it and £40 had been transfered to paddy power h2b has a thing for betting i had already put £30 in his sky bet account for im and as it the end of the month and rent is due we cant afford it may seem a stupid amount to some people but it was the trust thing taking money that he new was for the rent £40 to just be wasted when i asked im bout it it turned into a big arguement he was ment be goin out with his mates saturday its his birthday mon and i was goin out with mine sunday cos it was my mates birthday i had originaly planned for me and h2b 2 go out sunday but then he decided go out with his mates instead so now he cant afford to go out with his mates starts tellin me am a selfish bitch for doin nothin for his birthday was still goin to cook him a nice meal monday night dont bother getting him a card a present as i dnt care about him and all stuff like this.
I tell him if he hadnt of blown his money on betting he would be goin out and he only wants to go out with me sunday now y he cant go out with his mates and ten we strted arguing about him wasting the money and other stupid things
i was sat on the couch and he tells me to shut up hes had enough then he jumps up cums right in my face with his fist clenched i really thought he was going to hit me and then chucks a cup of tea at me it didnt hit me it smashed on the floor in front of me but went all over me. Ithen just walked out and went upstairs.
I dont no what to do now hes upstairs asleep and im sat down here waitng for this stupid builder to come.

[Modified by: xjoannexxx on 03 February 2010 14:16:53 ]

me and h2b having been getting along so good lately thes really snappy and nothing i do is right hes having problems at work an his work may be shutting down so have just been putting it down to that, well its all come to a head this mornin.
I logged on to the bank account just to check it and £40 had been transfered to paddy power h2b has a thing for betting i had already put £30 in his sky bet account for im and as it the end of the month and rent is due we cant afford it may seem a stupid amount to some people but it was the trust thing taking money that he new was for the rent £40 to just be wasted when i asked im bout it it turned into a big arguement he was ment be goin out with his mates saturday its his birthday mon and i was goin out with mine sunday cos it was my mates birthday i had originaly planned for me and h2b 2 go out sunday but then he decided go out with his mates instead so now he cant afford to go out with his mates starts tellin me am a selfish bitch for doin nothin for his birthday was still goin to cook him a nice meal monday night dont bother getting him a card a present as i dnt care about him and all stuff like this.
I tell him if he hadnt of blown his money on betting he would be goin out and he only wants to go out with me sunday now y he cant go out with his mates and ten we strted arguing about him wasting the money and other stupid things
i was sat on the couch and he tells me to shut up hes had enough then he jumps up cums right in my face with his fist clenched i really thought he was going to hit me and then chucks a cup of tea at me it didnt hit me it smashed on the floor in front of me but went all over me. Ithen just walked out and went upstairs.
I dont no what to do now hes upstairs asleep and im sat down here waitng for this stupid builder to come.

[Modified by: xjoannexxx on 03 February 2010 14:16:53 ]

I'm going to be brutally honest here hun, i was in a violent relationship with my sons Dad and stuuck at it for 5 years then we got married, last 3 months after that i just couldnt stand it any longer, it started off just him coming in my face and shouting abuse at me when he was p*ssed off over things i had no control over but then after a while it turned to him getting more physical with me.

I say walk away now before you get hurt its not worth the heartache, its better to be hurt for a little while now than wait years and not have that chance to walk away. I also think from what you have said that you H2B maybe has a gambling problem, and you really shouldnt fuel it hun by putting money in his betting accounts.

Talk to him first off ask if he would consider attending councelling for his gambling addiction but please dont let him hurt you

Good luck
xx

I have thought that for a while but when i have said it to him hes says am being stupid cos its not big amounts hes betting with. I no i should but i just do for a easy life if i say no i cant be bothered with all the %&*$# he gives me it just turns into anoyther argument.

He has hit me before when we both have been drunk but its when we argued when we i got in he went into the other bedroom and followed him

It is a big amount if it means you can't pay the rent.

And he's hit you before? I don't accept excuses for violence in a relationship. Who's to say he won't do it next time he's drunk? You really need to consider your own safety here.

[Modified by: inkiepixie on February 03, 2010 02:25 PM]

Not good hun, my ex hit me when he was drunk one night, I was in total shock......violence is not the answer to anything and this man you are with sounds like a complete child who doesn't want to face up to responsibilites and just goes out on the drink to try and cloud all of the problems and try to make them go away.

It doesn't sound healthy hun and if I were you I would consider leaving, he sounds like a total b@stard!

You won't want to hear this but he sounds like a gambling, violent, nasty bit of scum. Please get out as soon as you can and find somebody who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

xxx

i was also in a violent and controlling relationship hun and im seriously asking you to consider your safety , this time it was a clenched fist and threw tea over you..... and could be the start of things to come ...... please feel free to email me if you want to chat hun x

I know first hand how hard it is to just walk away from a violent relationship but you have to think of the long term, what if you have kids with him what if he hits you when your pregnant??, whens enough going to be enough. Its hard hunny i know it is and i really do feel for you its the worst feeling in the world.
He needs help of some sort and hes using you as an emotional punch bag at the moment before long you will be a physical punch bag and not able to do anything about it without involving the law.
As one of the girls said it must be a big amount if its preventing you from paying to keep the roof over your heads
Get in touch if you want to chat hun
xxx

You need to leave this relationship now. What if that tea was scalding hot? He could have scarred you for life. Next time, he might actually go ahead and whack you one, he's done it once...drunk or not he'll do it again. There are plenty of men out there that won't gamble away your rent money and will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. My email button is active if you want a chat xxxxxx

when hes in a good mood hes so lovely its just all this at work is getting him down i no it dosnt excuse him but i love him so much.

I dont really have anywhere to go if i did leave him and he would never go.

He dosnt drink all the time not that much at all really

No, you're right, it doesn't excuse him. Plenty people have work worries, financial worries, get plastered, have had abusive childhoods, go through %&*$# in their lives and would *never* take it out on their partners.

Read up on cycles of abuse. Abusers use violence and anger to control their partners, but they also use being nice. It's all part of the abuse, it's not a Jekyll and Hyde scenario - the lovely, gentle, caring man overtaken by the pressures of life turning into some nasty guy you don't recognize. It's the same person, using different tactics to control you.

The best thing you can do for yourself is read up, and educate yourself, on these kinds of tactics and techniques so you can see them for what they are and learn to protect yourself.

Call Women's Aid and speak to them. They will talk to you, discuss your options and also help you find a place for you to go to, either temporarily or permanently.

That's if you don't feel you can ask any of your friends or family.

ally2009 has some great advice. Let us know how you get on hun xxx

i totally agree with Briggers STOP making excuses for him ! They always are lovely when in a good mood! BUT IT DOESNT LAST !!! please do something about it before it becomes too late ! x

I am sorry but

"...when hes in a good mood hes so lovely its just all this at work is getting him down...."


So using you an emotional and physical punchbag is ok then? There are some days at work (more than I care to admit) when I could literally rip my hair out - but I don't go home and kick the cat, let alone my OH. You seriously need to do something, NOW