Fed up having my head bitten off!!

At my wits end with h2b and don't know what else to do.

He is sooo snappy and defensive and I am beginning to wonder if I want to spend the rest of my life like this. If I ask him to do ANYTHING or ask him if he knows where something is I get my head nipped off. He has admitted that he does it because when he stayed at his parents he got blamed for everything but the fact that he has admitted this makes me even more annoyed that he is doing nothing to try and change this behaviour.

I spoke to him on Sunday night about it and he said he would try harder and he's just bitten my head off 2 mins ago because I asked him to put his tools away that were lying in the hall. I know if I touched them he would moan at me because I moved them and I tried to ask him as nicely as possible and still got an earful.

I really do not want to spend the rest of my life like this but he just won't stop doing this! It has been like this ever since we moved in together 18 months ago, obviously his mum must have gotten all the abuse before he moved out so I never saw this side to him until then and sometimes I feel like I am walking on egg shells in my own home.

It's 5 months until the wedding and starting to get major cold feet!

Help

Hi hun, I've had something similar in the past and can honestly say it's got nothing to do with you - it's just stupid men. I eventually said to h2b; "right I'm going to yell at you every time you do that from now on" - and I literally did. The first time he looked so shocked we both just collapsed into giggles, but he soon stopped! I'm sure you're marrying him for lots of good reasons, it sounds like he's just being a grumpy man. Chin up hun and I'm sure everything will be okay... good luck xx

You shouldn't have to feel worried about being in your own home. When you and H2B have talked about it have you discussed anger management classes? I know it might sound a little extreme but it might help him control his outbursts...

x

He did come in and apologise there so I feel bad now.

The thing is he isn't an 'angry' person, more defensive. I think he has a lot of pent up resentment from his childhood that he needs to sort out rather than anger issues.

Feel a bit better now girls thanks.

x

Think he needs to talk about it with someone, even if that is you. He needs to realise that you are not his mum and that is your home too, so you are allowed to ask him to pick things up, and it is his responsibility to keep things clean too!

Is it a step in the right direction that he has apologised? Does he normally? It is good that he realises that it is wrong to snap at you, and that he is willing to try and stop. It might take a while but if he is going in the right direction then thats gotta be a good thing!

Hope that makes sense and helps a bit hun xx

Mine gets like this too sometimes. But then he says that I am asking him in a very stern tone that sounds like 'nagging' hence he gets defensive. I think that is just the way I speak to people because my mother always spoke to people like this. In fact my mother used to claim that I was cheeky all the time as a teenager - I don't think I was that much just defending myself from the way she spoke to me sometimes.

It sounds like a similar thing, that he has been pestered all his life and gets defensive about it. But of course this doesn't mean he shouldn't put his tools away etc x

My H2B has quite a few brothers and sisters and always has to establish blame when something goes wrong. Whereas I'm from a house where we always accepted that accidents happen, no one does things on purpose and so we don't play the blame game.

It has caused many an arguement and still does sometimes, but he has asked that I approach things in a different way so that it doesn't sound like I'm accusing, just requesting. It's not easy though, this inbuilt hang ups run very deep I'm afraid!

Good luck