How are you deciding who to invite to day of wedding?

Hey again Ladies my mind all over place at moment. But rememberd my aunty really needs numbers of teh different invites I wanted.

So we only have 50 in the day . I am finding it really hard. In law's want to inviet 4 friends but that nmeans after the closet of close friends I we would have to take alot out including close uni friends and a circle of friends that in past I ve spent alot of time with . nd older close friends.

Itr is so hard theer are 5 friends that I worked with ion a pub from 2004 and we always met up and did thinsg together I do feel very comfortable with them. But only two of them are ones that will text me to see hwo I am or I spend timne with seperatly . the other three don't seem that bothered two in particual. Looking back at facebook two of them don't ever answer me ..maybe they don't go on though but they never answer my texts either. One always says she skint whatvere I suggest unless someone else suggests it , But she has always aired her family problems and money problems.
If I just invite the two it will cause rift between us when we gather 6 of us together. But have my cups of tea and chat sbout anything friends, they donj't always see me that often but when we do get together nothing changes.And my two close uni friends are always supportive even tho one lives away.


Been thinking maybe shoudl invite not and inviet the family instead but feel friends should be there. Mad hwo my numbers seem to disappear one because some friends have kids and some live far way so you have to invite them to the day.


Gosh ..head work ...how do you decide ????????

Always felt bad been just evening guest but understand now , have felt rejected in past but it's so hard :\?

It is hard deciding who to invite but its YOUR wedding so invite who you and h2b wants. It is difficult when parents are contributing or paying for the whole wedding because obviously they will want to have a say in who you are inviting......

We havent invited many family members, just immediate family and a couple of aunts/uncles but no cousins and my h2b hasnt even invited any of his aunts/uncles or cousins because he doesn't ever see them. We would rather invite our friends that we see regularly than "family" that we never see.

x

Are you fixed to 50 total? My friend really struggled and invited some people she had drifted apart from in favour of some others, She then regretted this when 6 months later she hardly saw them, spoke to them etc and others she had not invited were still really good friends.
We have written down everyone that we want there in the day and will invited them all, It is taking a large part of the budget but I would hate to have important people miss my special day

We've figured that if we feel close to them, they're invited. Regardless of who else close to them we invite - for e.g, inviting my Auntie, but not her three sons, my cousins. If I feel they're family or friends I socialise with, or sepak to ont he phone, they should be there. We're stuck to 50 as a hotel requirement at the least, and our budget can't stretch further, so we'll just have to be strict with ourselves. If anyone has anything to say about it, they're not considering our feelings.

Yes unfortunately there is legal limit on 50 for the ceremony, as it's small conservatory. I am hoping that doesn't include registra and photgrapher otherwise uh oh ..screwed lol

But may be able to sqeeuze more int the resturant room but it is very small. Very informal as t's just area of the estate in which people would have breakfast. We ahve huge barn for evening but venue host won't feed people in there and we'd still have probkem of inviting people after the ceremony which means three types of invites or have hcurch wedding tof it more in. But I don't want that .

Seems crazy to change nwo with just iver 4months to go.

I knwo what you mean about family am not inviting my aunst or uncles but there are two lots of cosusins who speak to everyno wand then on facebook . They prob be offended if find out not invited to day over friends ..bnut they never send cards so !!!


But it's the friends who don't bother coming over opnes that do ..but to be honest some of my friendships change so much hard to sya ..and also girlfriends of my h2b's mates coming who only just come on the scene and one si even an ex????? was annoyed abou that but his best man said I'll be annoyed if she not invited as we trying to make ot work fr kids sake. God complicatde..one girlfriend I haven't even met yet.


But would you invite the circle of friends or spilt them up ? I have seen these girls everynoe then over last 6 years but one friedn I ve seen eeverynoe and then over last 8 and and some who ve known through family since I was little one girl was my best mate uintil about 16 then we went our seperate ways but am inviting her broether and parents and sister bhecuase I keep close to them ....gosh complicated !! sorry my story prob hard to get when don't knwo the links ...

thanks ladies

didn't see that niclou , you are right . Guess peopel just have to be understanding as much as you woudl liek to inviet more , not always possible.
Nice to hear someone esel with that limit too. Well couple of the friends I never speak to on phone but guess I don't ring them that mucheither more texting or facebooking these datys . That'ss why feel ones who you meet up with quiet alot or are always willing to meet up regardless fo money shoudl be there.
Though i do have fun with them I wonder if one of us stopped suggested nighst out together they'd ever consider organsing it .....feels like you get really pickinga bout friendships when you thinka bout all this.

I would write down everyone you really want there,meaning those you feel closest to. then see if you have any more spaces for the others. Could you make one of the closest friends part of the weddding, doing a reading or something then have legitimate reason to invite them over the others.

Hi dizzygirl,
For our list we've got a golden rule that if people haven't made the effort to stay in touch over the past few years then they don't get an invite. It's difficult and is going to result in WW3 as half of my dad's family is going to be cut off, including my dad, but that's the way it goes. I'm not cutting off proper friends for fair-weather family (there are also past reasons that prove that they are fairweather family but I'll not go into that here). Also, inevitably that means that there are bits of groups that are being cut out of the list but frankly, if they can't be bothered to reply to an email or see me when I've come back to the UK, driven around the country and organised get-togethers (that everyone else manages to come to) then there's no point in them being invited. Actually, there is one exception to this - an old FWB has stayed in touch and came out to visit me before I was with h2b, but I don't think it's appropriate that he comes!

I think your situation is more difficult than mine for sure, but perhaps it will help if you create a 'rule' or guestlist criteria, then you can be a bit more objective about it rather than worrying about 'the done thing'? If anyone asks you can say you used this reasoning as you were so limited on numbers and had to be strict. Hope that helps??

Thanks Little rascal ..gosh my typing awful;. I don't know about more difficult if you 've had to decide to cut your dad out. Sounds like you have some very solif friendships. To be honest there are only handful of friends I can say ..'yes I'll still be friends with them in five years' unless we move but life changes so that's difficult my parents are in thier 60's now and only still know family and maybe couple of friends from wedding who send christmas cards.
That's what I was just thinking ok I don't speak to my family that much cousins and aunties but guess they'll always be family.
Think I'll just look at it again today and think who do I class as really close friends. Diffiocult as you don't always have to see lots of each other to be classed as great friends..but think you right with the texting and such ..hate it when people don't make effort.

Difficult as think kinda verbally invited one group of friends whikle back but guess I'll just have to explain ..I made choices. Also am thinking teo of these girls left to marry would I be invited to thiers ? awful but things like that help you make decision.
Thanks again though really helped hearing others x

Yeah I definitely don't think that best friends are necessarily the ones you see the most. My best friend I see rarely (she lives in a different country) but when we do we can talk about anything, are totally non-judgmental and have only the other's interests in mind. With regards to other friends, emigrating has been a real eye-opener I guess. Of course I've made the effort to email, facebook and organise gatherings when I'm back in the UK, but the difference is those that don't bother to respond versus those that do, even if it's quite a bit later. With technology nowadays there really is no excuse (god I sound old).

Difficult one if you've already promised people. You can always say that you didn't realise how the numbers added up and you have to prioritise family and oldest friends...?? I promised a friend ages ago (when drunk) that she could be a bridesmaid if I ever got engaged, but since then she has let me down rather spectacularly so I'm not going to invite her - h2b has vetoed her actually! Another long story!

Hope you manage to work it out! xx