MIL rant

When I asked the MIL who needs inviting from their side of the family she said as long as the close relative were invited she was happy, that came to about 30 guests inc themselves. Now every Tom, Dick and Harry seems to be coming on the list, like her grandparents cousins etc. H2B doesnt really know them never mind me to have ever met them. His total guest list is now up to 97 without any kids and i wanted a child friendly wedding.

Its seems to be on going and then she says she hasnt included FIL's family wth!!!!!!!

I wanted a relaxed day with close family and friends, i dont want it to be full of grannys and grandads going on about the war, im not being rude or disrespectful i just want a lively party with my friends at this rate i wont be able to fit my friends in and i'll be over run with his family.

The best line i heard off her was 'were a closer family than yours' i think they just want to show off and want to invite the world and why not if their not picking up the bill........ thats my Dad!!!!!

God im so angry i see this is going to cause a few arguements at home

Sorry for the long rant, i neeeded to get it off my chest xxxx

When I asked the MIL who needs inviting from their side of the family she said as long as the close relative were invited she was happy, that came to about 30 guests inc themselves. Now every Tom, Dick and Harry seems to be coming on the list, like her grandparents cousins etc. H2B doesnt really know them never mind me to have ever met them. His total guest list is now up to 97 without any kids and i wanted a child friendly wedding.

Its seems to be on going and then she says she hasnt included FIL's family wth!!!!!!!

I wanted a relaxed day with close family and friends, i dont want it to be full of grannys and grandads going on about the war, im not being rude or disrespectful i just want a lively party with my friends at this rate i wont be able to fit my friends in and i'll be over run with his family.

The best line i heard off her was 'were a closer family than yours' i think they just want to show off and want to invite the world and why not if their not picking up the bill........ thats my Dad!!!!!

God im so angry i see this is going to cause a few arguements at home

Sorry for the long rant, i neeeded to get it off my chest xxxx

I understand how you feel maybe have a word with H2B and agree a set number then just say to MIL im sorry but we really cant invite everyone can you bring your numbers down to say 40 then see what she says.
I have a much bigger family than my husband but we hardly ever see tham and we both didnt want them there when it is unlikely we will see them again in the future so we set numbers and told parents right this is who we are inviting so tough.

Can i ask who is paying for your wedding? I don't want to offend or anything but what gives your MIL the right to say who she wants to invite. Its YOUR wedding, it should be people that YOU know and YOU want to invite. Just be straight with her.

Maybe i have a different opinion than most people because i have a very small family and although my h2b has more family, we are only inviting close family (parents, one grandma, brother and girlfriend). My h2b parents are contributing half towards our wedding so we are happy to invite a few of their friends but they haven't been pushy at all even though they are paying quite a lot towards our wedding.

We would rather have our friends that we see regularly there than some "family" members that we havent seen for 2 years.

x

Thanks ladies,

I spoke with H2B about it last night, didnt go well, he said i told you that from the start!!!! i would much prefer our friends to be there than Auntie Maggie that H2b hasn't seen since he was 9. And whats the big thing about you cant invite a great Aunt without inviting her kids and grandkids??? If we never see them whats the difference???

My Dad is paying for the whole wedding, she asked me last night what was happening about a cake i said my auntie was making it she said she was going to offer to buy one so i said she and FIL should pay to hire the suits she laughed at me!!!! Isnt that the tradition??? Surely they cant expect my Dad to pay for absolutly everything can they??? I know my Dads a lot better off financially than they are but if I ask to much my Dad may pull the plug on the whole thing and then there wont be a wedding at all. Shes really annoyed me!!!!!

GGGRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think your MIL sounds like a cheeky wotsit!!!

If your Dad is paying for the whole wedding (lucky you!!!) then what do they say about all these people that MIL wants to invite? Has he set an amount he wants to spend or a max numbers etc?

Your in a difficult position, you dont want to end up falling out with MIL but i think she is well out of order for having all these extras when she isnt contributing anything at all. I cant believe she laughed when you suggested her paying for the suits! I dont know whether that is tradition to be honest, but it would make sense for it to be.

Hope you get it sorted hun, the guest list always causes a few probs. You are never going to please everyone. Do what you and h2b want to do.

xx

I would tell her exactly where to showe her list, then tell her only family your h2b has seen in the last 5 years will be considered for an invitation, and she can go take a long walk off a short cliff fi she expects your dad to pay for her family reunion! x

We want a fun filled but relaxed day, we dont mind whos there really but i dont feel happy cutting my numbers down to accomodate her distant relatives. i think i might tell her she can have 30 relatives then after that they'll have to contribute to th costs. Dads not given me a budget or a limit on guests i know he'll let me have who i want aslong as i dont go over board but i think when it comes to nearly 200 before kids i think its a little extreme. i dont want to upset her as she is his Mum but she's had her day and she only had 80 guests herself.

I like your thinking Nikki Bow, i'm very tempted lol

If your parents are paying she has no say on the guest list!!! Give her a number that she is allowed, if she wants more she has to pay for them.
There is nothing worse then being at a wedding where the couple are 20s or 30s and half the room is filled with people of 60+
It is your wedding day!!! Have the wedding you want, you will regret it on the day if you look around and see that half your guests are people you don't know.
My H2b had ended up with 2/3rds of the list but I have met all of his friends except 2. So I know 90% of the people who will be at our wedding. I can't imagine standing there in my dress and having someone come up to us and us both thinking who the f**k are you?

OMG I would be so furious if this was me! I dont mean to be too blunt but she is taking the p***!

If I were you I would decide what is the maximum number of people you want (remember everyone will want to speak to the bride and groom on the day - how much of your wedding day do you want to spend making small talk with people you dont know?!) , make a list of the people you want and then allocate the remaining numbers between the parents for them to choose. I would just be firm, no discussion. Just because your Dad is willing to pay does not give MIL the right to take advantage of him like that!

My parents are paying for the wedding breakfast and we're paying for everything else, but we had similar issues with my MIL2B. She insisted hundreds of their family be invited. In the end I sat down with my mum and dad and asked them what they were happy to spend, and then worked out the maximum number of people based on that. Then I told h2b that he could have half of those, which was completely fair - his mum couldn't argue with that, especially as she isn;t paying anything towards it.

If she wanted extra people I'd have asked her to pay something towards them, but in the end all the obscure relatives she made us ask turned us down anyway as they didn't know us well enough to make the effort, and we invited loads of h2b's friends instead. She's blaming us for not having the wedding in her home town, but in mine - apparently she thinks we're being selfish - I think she should just butt out!

Impossible woman!!

[Modified by: MrsMel2b on March 08, 2010 12:57 PM]

just tell h2b your dad has set u a budget, it will allow for both familys to have say 50 guest each and anything after that his parents will have 2 pay for themselfs, or tell h2b he will have 2 pay, he will prob change his mind quickly then lol or would your dad mind having a word with them explaining that he can not afford for all these people!
i tell u one thing i would b absolutley livid if it was me.

Im trying to keep my cool the best i can lol believe me it isnt easy!!!!
MrsMel2b, stick to your guns, i think you should have it where your from, noone can argue with me on that point, i lost my brother nearly 7 years ago and so having it in our church is the only way my brother will be there (in my eyes anyway).

well i dropped the bomb shell, i sent her a message through facebook saying we're going to have to cut numbers to family were in touch with all the time (i was hoping she wouldnt get it til morning, she was on the phone 5 minutes later), her response was 'i speak to mine all the time' i wasnt on about her speaking to them!!!!! i was on about H2B! i told her its our wedding, shes had her day now this is ours, 'well in that case i dont want any of them there!!!!!!' she said with an attitude!!!!!!! but like i'd said its our day grrrrrrrrrr shes not spoken to me since, its been 3 days, thats a lot for her, shes normally on the phone every day, so i take it she's still not impressed, its either shut up or cough up!!!!

I have also told her if all this carries on well go to church get married and go straight on honeymoon so there wont be a party, i think it sounds like a great plan lol