I feel fat, gross and unloved :(

Ok, major rant coming up, but I've been following a sensible but restricted diet and exercising 6 days a week for about 5 weeks now...and I've lost THREE lb. I started because I began feeling very unattractive, fat and gross, and was starting to find it more and more difficult to let h2b touch me (I don't even mean "intimate" touching...just, if we're lying on the sofa watching tv, for example, I can't bear him putting his hand under my top on my belly, as it's so flabby and disgusting). I know that he doesn't fancy me like he used to, he never pays me compliments, and told me about a year ago that he'd noticed my weight gain.

I've struggled with my weight a bit for about 8 years, and with self-esteem issues, and went through a period at university of eating not much more than 2 slices of toast and a yoghurt every day, then doing a 5-mile run. I don't want to be as thin as I was then, but I don't want to feel this revolting any more. H2b hasn't noticed, and, frankly, nor have I...even though I'm running 30km per week, doing weights 3x, going to Bodypump once a week and using a powerplate pretty much every day.

I don't know what I expect anyone to say, but I'm starting to feel really fat and worthless and like I'll look disgusting on my wedding day and h2b will be embarrassed, and I just needed to get it out.

What am I doing wrong?

Nothing - muscle weighs more than fat so this may be why you havent lost much weight. Also it sounds like you are doing a LOT of exercise so make sure you are not bulking up. It is recommended to do 30 mins 5 times a week which I find a struggle! I am doing the 6 mile sport relief run on Sun and have only managed 3 and half miles so far!!! You must be super fit!
Have you tried going to weight watchers or similar? This may help you find some support. What is your weight loss goal? x

I'd like to lose a 1-1.5 stone. But more importantly I'd like to lose around 2 inches round my waist, tone up my arms and back and lose my saddlebags, they're revolting.

I do lots of reps with light weights and do long, moderate runs with sprint intervals to avoid bulking up. I know I'm probably doing more than is usual but I'm VERY sedentary during the day so I'm just making up for it!

I am quite fit - I did a fitness test yesterday and came out as being on the 'high' end of the fitness scale, whatever that means, but apparently that doesn't help me. I see so many women in thegym who are lovely and slim and it makes me feel sad

Hey , as Luco said, muscle weighs more than fat, so don't be put off because you haven't yet lost as much as you thought you would. What is your diet like, it might be not only what you are eating that helps but also when you eat - i think it's that the majority of calories should be eaten at lunchtime, and avoid eating carbs in the evening.
After all, at least you have started to lose weight, three pounds is better than nothing, you may find that it continues steadily now. Have you spoken to anyone at your gym who might be able to give you some professional advice on your exercise and diet ?

Also, remember that rest is just as important as the exercise itself, you need to give your muscles time to recover in between - i do pump too and i know how hard it is on your body, you need to have a day to recover in between or you may do yourself some harm.

Don't over do it, ad remember your h2be loves you and wants to marry you for you are.

There will no doubt be someone on here who can give you better advice (and probably more accurate!) but don't push yourself too hard, stress can make a big difference x x

why dont you start measuring yourself, weightloss is irrelevant, and like previously mentioned it could just be you are turning it to muscle so monitor inch loss. Also bare in mind if you are having less than 1200 calories a day your body stores fat as it thinks you are fasting. so have between 1200 and 1500, drink lots of water and im sure you'll see a difference xx

I am a qualified naturopathic nutritionist and would be happy to give you some advice if you email me. If you eat a diet where you are balancing your blood sugar through eating protein with every meal, eating small amounts regularly and cutting out sugar, this will help you to lose weight, probably about 1-2lbs per week. If you have struggled with your weight for years and yo-yo dieted, this can impact on your metabolism and make it more difficult to lose weight. A diet as outlined above may also help to lift your mood and put you in a better place emotionally. There are natural supplements that you can take that will help to lift your mood but I wouldn't want to recommend these without finding out a bit more about you. If you want some advice, let me know, I would be happy to send you some info leaflets etc.

I bet you have toned up and lost inches and that sometimes isn;t as visible as losing those lbs on the scales. Stepping on them makes me feel miserable too!

I also find it a struggle to lose weight and it seems to be you are exercising loads so also look at our diet as other posters have said.
Good luck, I am sure you will get to where you want to be with perseverance! xx

Ok, don't worry about pounds. Inch loss is a better indicator and I bet you have lost inches without realising it.

You're doing alot of exercise and as another poster has said, when are you giving your body time to recover? I think you'd benefit from seeing a personal trainer so that your exercise can be more focused. Weight training is great for weight loss and toning. A PT can give you specific exercises for arms and waist.

Can you talk to your h2b and ask him for some encouragement? The most positive think is that you have started to do something for yourself and that should be applauded. Start to turn the situation around and focus on what you are achieving. It's so easy to get into a negative spiral and it does require effort to stay positive but it's worth it. Keep going, you will see results.

Hi lovely, as hard as it can be for us to accept sometimes, maybe you're not eating enough? With body image problems and eating disordered behaviour in the past it can be really hard to know whats normal and whats just too restrictive. It took me my entire 25 years before I learned that I could eat around 2000 calories a day and maintain a slim and healthy figure. If your calorie intake is too low then your body will start clinging onto everything and storing it as a defense so maybe have a look at what you are eating and read up on good nutrition rather than diets.

Also I'd agree that yo have probably gained muscle and thats a great thing. Try and focus on how much better the exercise must be making you feel, look for benefits in your skin, hair, mood etc. The world is such a better place if you can work on shifting the focus from weight to health x x

do you know how many calories you are eating a day, littleredhead? i am going to be contraversial here and say that exercise doesn't contribute to weight loss in anywhere near as significant a way as restricting calorie intake. case in point, last year i lost 1 stone for my wedding whilst exercising like a demon. this year i have lost 1st 4lb whilst doing no exercise whatsoever. there was a study done recently that suggests that gym exercise doesn't help weight loss as it makes you significantly more hungry than if you were simply dieting. it also makes you hungry for carbs. for some people exercise seems to work and for others it doesn't. obviously it is great to be healthy but i do not lose weight through exercise and i am talking about hard core, sweaty out of breath exercise not the namby pampy, non sweaty kind you see so many women in the gym partaking in.

i find that weight drops off me if i stick rigorously to 1400 cals a day. usually around 2/3lb a week, sometimes more. exercise is great, but if you want to see the effects of weightloss fast it is easier to simply diet.

[Modified by: mrs luckyvic on March 17, 2010 10:08 AM]

I feel exactly the same as you LRH. I need to lose 1 - 1.5 stone and it just won't come off. It rules my life, this morning I have put on 5lbs and all I want to do is go to the gym but I have to work. I follow a similar exercise plan (but can't run like you! Wow, you're really fit)!. This muscle / fat weight thing doesn't seem to bear any resemblence to the body anaylser scales I have at home. Yes, I have lost some fat but my lean tissue mass stays virtually the same.

Perhaps you don't eat enough? I'm pretty sure I don't. I try to stick to 800-1200 cals a day but eating more is terrifying - I daren't put on any more weight!

I have no idea how people can lose weight on slimming world? Or how people can lose 3lbs a week? I struggle to lose 1lb. I've been to my gp but they can't find anything wrong with me and have even suggested I'm making up my food intake. As my doctor said "there were no fat people in austwitcz". I'm still a fatty tho - 13 stones this morning

Oh my GOD, seaside belle - your doctor actually said that? That's terrible.

I know what you mean about eating more calories feeling scary. I was warned so much about going into 'starvation mode' that I make sure i eat at least 1200 calories per day; it's usually around 1200-1300 - rarely more than 1400, and I make sure I'm very careful with fat grams. So, a typical day for me (take yesterday for example) would be:

1 slice of wholemeal toast with soya spread and bovril or marmalade or something.

Satsuma

Stir-fry made with 1tsp chilli oil, chilli noodles, prawns, squid and broccoli

Steamed haddock loin (with garlic, ginger, salt, pepper and chilli flakes), small portion of brown rice and a large pile of broccoli

I'm not having any dairy at the moment and restricted caffeine to 1 can of diet coke per day (I'm a bit addicted and it keeps me off the fags and snacks!), drinking plenty of water and if I need something more interesting to drink, I have elderflower cordial with sparkling water.

I'm exercising to help lose the weight but also to tone up, Luckyvic. And also because I actually really enjoy exercise and the way it makes me feel.

Tulip; h2b doesn't really seem very interested in encouraging me and hasn't commented on any change in my body - not that I can see any change he might have commented on anyway.


Mrs Stewart; thankyou for your offer of help...I don't want to seem rude but I'm not a huge fan of emailing people off here, if that's ok. What you do sounds very interesting though - what's a naturopathic nutritionist, exactly?

Thanks for your support ladies, I'm just feeling really gross and demoralised.

Can I ask how much you weigh and what your height is? With a history of an eating disorder, as others have said, your mood is a little worrying. You're having a very low calorie intake for the amount of exercise you're doing.

Trickster, I never had an eating disorder, just a short period of being a bit obsessive about food. I worry about food and guilt and my weight a lot of the time, since I went from 7 stone to 11 stone over the course of about 2 years after I left school..but I think a lot of this is that I'm now much larger than I was when I met h2b, and I know he's not happy about it. I'm 5' 8" and weigh 10 stone 11 lb at the moment. I'd like to weigh somewhere in the region of 9 stone 8.

[Modified by: Littleredhead on March 17, 2010 01:01 PM]

Sorry - I was typing in a hurry. I should have said an unhealthy relationship with food rather than a disorder - my apologies.

I think the fact that you have changed weight since leaving school is natural and happened to many of us (I for one had a terrible weight fluctuation problem when I left school/went to uni). If you're not happy now with your shape etc then I agree you should pursue a healthy eating plan and exercise but I am worried by your posts that you don't take it to the extreme.

Your weight now, whilst not pleasing to you, sounds perfectly fine for your height but I understand if you don't like what you see and feel then that's little consolation. As for your H2B not being happy...you need his support in this - does he realise how much effort you're putting in to loosing weight? What does he say now?

Good luck with it and we're all here for you.