Bridesmaid - Is this right or a bit weird?

This is bugging me now so i need opinions!

The other night one of my two adult bridesmaids rang me with a 'solution' to travel arrangements she said.

She said that as her fiance doesn't drive, it would probably be a good idea if she 'just met me at the church in the morning'. Didn't sink in much on the phone really, my initial response was 'well how are you going to get ready? The morning bit is the nice part where we do makeup and hair and leave together'.

She said she'd do her hair and makeup at home and put the dress on at the church. Church has no toilets i said. She said she was sure she'd find somewhere to get dressed.

The more i think about it, the more angry i get! How can she think its alright to just miss out on us getting ready so that her fiance can get about? I'm only having two bridesmaids! I'll be nervous, i'll need someone to help me with my dress out of the car and make sure i'm tidy before i go in - thats her only duty really.

She intelligent, engaged herself (didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid either yet which i find a bit poo of her) and socially aware of other peoples feelings, so its not like she wouldn't realise its an important part of the day.

She kind of nominated herself as a bridesmaid as well, droping hints at me, so i find this odd.

I've two friends who would be there for me, and are her dress size.

Do you think i should ask her if she still wants to be one,and if not i've got other people who can be?

I'm tempted to be honest, i feel a bit insulted - she clearly doesn't care enough.

x



[Modified by: NatalieJane22 on 24 February 2010 10:11:45 ]

Aww im in a bad mood with bridesmaids at the moment so not best to comment. Im a cow and probably woudlnt of had her if she hadnt of included me.
I wopuld take her to one side and tell her it isnt fair to do that.. see what she says. I had lots of problems with my sister that i thought we'd sorted but guess not.. trouble is now she has the dress she can be a cow again :O( no help to you at all and sorry for taking over your post and ranting :O(
I think maybe be honest with her.. if horrid feelings fester they get worse.

My BM text me last night to say how is her finace going to get to our venue as she is going to the venue in a wedding car. He drives!!!! I said I'd draw him a map from our house to the venue. Also he could always go with H2B as he will be going early.
I think its really strange that your BM wants to get changed at the church! How is she going to check that the dress is done up correctly and things??
xx

Hi ya hun,

it must be something with bridesmaids where they think its there day. Im having trouble too...i have recently asked my 2 sil2b to be bridesmaids as well as my bestfriend and shes got a sulk on about it coz its not just her anymore. then shes moaning coz her family cant come to reg office and that i wont let her have one of a kind dress made for her lol...

shes very tall so i said shes prob gonna be in flats her low heels and she went no im not, then i asked her not to cut her hair too short so it can be put up for the wedding and chop of it went, shes refuseing to wear a knee length dress and is a total pain. I mean who's bloody day is it???

Anyways hun, I think you should talk to her and see if she actually wants to do it and if she says yes then tell her she needs to get ready at your house as planned and her fella will have to sort out getting there some other way.

good luck.

x

Well in my opinion its your day the whole world revolves around you on your wedding day... oh and of course H2B (people on here will disagree with that)

I think she should be there getting ready with you, I need mine to stay with me the night before.

Every time I am a BM I have stayed with the bride and she has been up at 5am! We have sat and checked seating plans etc It's last thing you want to do at 5am but 'she' (the bride) needs you to be there to support her.

I also do Bridal make up and BMs really are needed on the wedding morning........

I was MOH at my BF wedding. He wedding was over 3 hours away and my BF made his way there alone. Sorry but I am sure he can find away to get there. x

I presume her fiance has 2 legs and can get a taxi or bus to the church without her having to hold his hand. She should be at your house, you need to see that her hair etc is okay with you, that youre happy with it. As for getting ready at the church, thats mad. It sounds like she only wanted to be bridesmaid so she wouldnt be left out, shes not thinking of you. Sorry, but this is how I'd feel.

I answered on the other board x

And do you know what - i don't drive myself!

So its not like i don't understand the horrors of public transport - at least he can ride a bike.

But i'd find my own way somewhere no problem for a friend or friends boyfriend. Even if it was really far away.

when i was bridesmaid for my sister, my h2b made his own way to the church and took my eldest daughter with him, he also gave lifts to others to reception afterwards, tell her you really would like her with you all morning getting ready together, it makes it more fun , if she says no then ask her if she really wants to be your bm x

Hmmmm, i feel a bit like she's 'tarnished' her being a bridesmaid now to be honest and like i don't even want her there now.

She's done some crap things in the past and i think that i'm just over making the effort now!

We were best friends once you see, we saw each other at least 2 or 3 times a week after work for like a year! Then her uni friends came back to town, and she basically dumped me off for them even though they'd binned her off previously themselves. Saw them all the time, and never let me join in.

To this day she doesn't involve me with them - its her birthday soon and she's going out with the girls but hasn't invited me. And now no offer for me to be a bridesmaid either.

I kind of think that i've been a much better friend to her through all this time, we were best friends when they'd dumped her off and left her alone. I even get on with these girls, so i don't know why she seperates me off like she does.

Really it was only when i actually moved away from town that i was ok with her again and stopped hating her - she'd always made the effort to keep in touch you see so i forgave her for that effort.

She's not my best friend again now either, just a normal friend i see or talk to like once a month.

Its all a bit weird, i feel alienated and like i've had enough of her being so unloyal.

Tell her to do one, thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard!!! Do people realise that the role of BM isn't about wearing a nice dress!?!?! That they're supposed to be there for you before,in the run up to the wedding (although this isn't always possible I know) and ON YOUR WEDDING DAY!!! This involves getting you ready in the morning, making sure you have everything you need, emotional support and sorting out last min bits and pieces for you so you don't have to stress!!

In all honesty I wouldn't think twice about dumping her, although I wouldn't have asked her in the first place truth be told if thats the history you have with her.
xx

just tell her you need her to come in the morning as this is an important part of the day

she'll probably say 'oh ok, sorry, alright'

if not...well then offer the opportunity to someone else

I have rubbish friends too, rubbish in the sense that they are fun to be around but to actually rely upon...never

no point getting your knickers in a twist about it though

I'm also having bridesmaid stresses! How close are your two bridesmaids? Couldn't you ask your other bridesmaid to have a word with her? If not you're gonna have to be honest. Good luck!

it's a bit weird to be honest.

I would say to her that unless she's goign to be around on the morning when you need her there's not much point in her being bm, if you need someone there on the morning and she can't do it then she can't be BM.
Maybe a bit harsh but still...

Natalie ---

Say to your daft BM ...
Either here is a tenner towards your fiances cab fare - or I'm giving the role of BM to someone else.

She'll be shocked - but not as shocked as you and others have been abouther idea of what should happen on the morning of the wedding!

x