After careful consideration (and an amazing bridesmaid proposal) you’ve chosen the girls you want to plan your hen, calm your nerves, and keep a beady eye out for wardrobe malfunctions. However, sometimes a good friend can turn out to be a very bad bridesmaid indeed. Whether it’s negativity, jealousy, or full-on taking over, the bad bridesmaid can come in many forms. Here’s how to handle her.
Drama queen Danni
When you’re picking from childhood friends, uni pals, colleagues, sisters and cousins, chances are some of your ‘maids might not know each other very well. This can lead to all sorts of unforeseen dramas, such as someone feeling left out, or more than one person competing to prove themselves your ‘best’ friend (think Bridesmaids the movie).
A good bridal party is a well-bonded one, so organise a group get-together right at the beginning for everyone to get familiar. Having a trustworthy maid of honour also helps, as the others should hopefully fall into place behind her, plus she can alert you to any potential bad bridesmaid dramas before they get out of hand and start bitching about one another in the bridesmaid WhatsApp group.
There’s always one green-eyed monster who can’t just be happy for you, leading her to snipe and bitch every time you mention the W word.
The easiest (and harshest) way around this is to not make her a bridesmaid in the first place – you’ll spot her by the overly-long period of time it took her to congratulate you on your engagement. If she’s managed to sneak under the radar, however, or is someone you really couldn’t not have in the bridal party – such as your best friend from school – then you need to have a kind yet firm word. Chances are she’s keeping a lot of upset feelings bottled up, and may need to just let them out.
This bad bridesmaid has somehow managed to take over the wedding planning to the point where you’re not sure who’s actually getting married anymore. It’s annoying, but take it as a compliment – she’s probably just enthusiastic. Give her a specific task to look after – preferably one you really don’t fancy dealing with – and let her run with it.
Finding a dress that suits every size, shape and shade is tough, and part of a bridesmaid’s duty is to suck it up and wear it. However, sometimes there’s one who just isn’t happy with whatever option you give her – and isn’t afraid to say it.
Be gentle with this bad bridesmaid, as she may be insecure about her body or worrying what she’ll look like next to the other ‘maids. Having a range of style options within a set colour palette can be a way round this. If, however, she’s just being a bit of a fashionista, explain politely that it’s your big day and she needs to respect that.
Check out our gallery of mix and match bridesmaids dresses to help you decide what your BFFs are going to wear.
Being a bridesmaid can be an expensive task once dress, shoes, hen party and wedding accommodation are all taken into account.
Try to be mindful of people’s financial situations before you ask too much of them – could you get a trainee to do hair and make-up, for instance? And if they’re buying their own outfits, can you find high street options?
Also be aware that it’s not unknown for richer bridesmaids to plan an extravagant hen without taking other people’s budgets into consideration, so make it clear to your maid of honour that you want to avoid this.
You WhatsApp the girls excitedly with your latest decoration ideas or menu options, and they all respond immediately… except for one. Maybe she’s lazy, maybe weddings aren’t really her thing, or maybe she’s just fatigued with it all.
Check when the last time you spoke to her about something non-wedding-related was and, if necessary, book in some wine and pizza time. Reigniting your bond should hopefully get this bad bridesmaid excited for your big day again.