14/11/2011 at 10:09
My h2b and I get married in March, our invites went out a few weeks ago and we are yet to receive a response from grooms side of the family. After speaking to his Mum, she tells us the distance is too far for many and they dont know how to get there. (Its 20 miles away from most, 30 mins drive max!) Its been suggested by grooms family that we should be providing transport.

I am confused, I would never expected a couple to pay for my travel. No one on my family is struggling with this and some are coming further, they have booked hotels themselves and paid for flights in some cases.

How do I politely deal with this please? In my eyes, if its too much trouble, politely decline the invitation, we cant afford everything. And why should we pay for them, and not my family, who would never ask.

Or is this something we should of considered? Should we be paying for their travel?

Thanks.
14/11/2011 at 10:16
I understand your predicament. H's family were flying to our wedding but it was very local to my family. I ended up organising (but not paying for) flights and taxis to get them to the hotel I'd also organised. It was annoying, but meant that I didn't have to worry about them getting off to a bad start for the weekend. We also provided a big-red-bus to transport ALL guests from the church to the reception. This saved everyone from planning driving ect. The bus was only £100 for the return trip and was worth every penny! People got chatting and singing on the bus and prevented the lull which sometimes happens at that part of the day.
Best of luck x
14/11/2011 at 10:36
Some people arrange transport for their guests, some don't. Some can afford to, other's can't. Some people expect it, others don't. It's all down to different people's opinions.

Personally, we didn't provide transport for any of our guests, and at least half of the guests had a minimum of an hours travel to get to our reception. We gave a map, detailed directions and hotel info. We did get a handful of declines due to not getting the time off work/distance & money issues, but that's par for the course.

My sister got married about 18 months ago and did it local to all our family, and did provide transport - although all our family weren't expecting it and did really appreciate it. They also would've come had transport not been provided.

I think it's now a decision of 'do we want to provide transport or not', so far you've not been bothered (assumingly to keep costs down) which i completely agree with. I don't think you should pander to their 'it's too far we need paid transport to take us there', but do look at your options. Have a chat with your partner, get a few quotes for bus hire, consider it. If you're still in the camp of 'it's an unnecessary expense we've not budgeted for, plus don't feel it's necessary', then go back to the mother in law and put to her that you've looked into the issue with transport and that due to your budget you can't justify paying out for it, but if his side of the family wish to arrange it, then these are the companies who offer this service and this is how much it would cost. Is it something that could be suggested that she pays for? That's if they aren't contributing already. If you are handing it over for them to deal with, do give them written details and leave them to it so it doesn't end up falling back on you with the promise of paying you back.
14/11/2011 at 11:14
I would go with the suggestion above if you have time, research bus details and costs then give it back to MIL2B saying you don't have the budget. We had people travel from abroad and all over the country for the wedding, some of my cousins didn't come saying couldn't get here but they lived nearer than most so they just didn't come.
14/11/2011 at 11:33
Yes thanks, I think this is the best, most amicable option.

I am happy to help with the organising, and do want to day to stick to a schedule where possible so coaches may help with this. But on the otherhand, I thought family would be honoured to come to our wedding, not expecting a lift there and back!
14/11/2011 at 11:48
People are odd at times aren't they! We're having similar issues with a few of our guests (all family incidentally, our friends aren't bothered in the slightest about the travel).

What we did was research the public transport options and include these along with indicative prices (specified they were indicative too!). We emailed these to people who had been asking, and have put it up in an info page on our wedding website.

We wont be paying for transport for our guests to get to the wedding as I don't see that that is our job to do. I'd never be invited to a Wedding, or any other event, party etc and expect my host to pay for my transport or accommodation.

However as our wedding ceremony and reception are being held at different venues, we will be paying for a coach or taxi vans to drive the guests without cars, between the two.

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14/11/2011 at 12:30
I provided a coach from one town and the two nearby hotels where people where staying . In the end hardly anyone used it, prefering to make their own arrangements. So it was a waste.

I had people come from abroad and others decline due to distance who were in the same county. People who care make the effort, distance is used as an excuse for those who aren't bothered. So just tell them "guests are making their own way and could people RSVP by the deadline please".
14/11/2011 at 12:58
I can't believe people expect a lift to the wedding!!! I would be far less amicable and wouldn't even consider it, seriously!
Perhaps I am being a little harsh, I just think the expectations on some of us brides are crazy and expect us to be made of money!!!
xx

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14/11/2011 at 15:38
Absolutely ridiculous!

90% of our guests travelled minimum of 2 hours to get to our wedding as we live in South Wales, my family in Brum and hubs in Yorks! Did we pay for their transport or hotel? NO! Some of hubby's family didn't come because they said they couldn't afford to come (they had 18 months to get the money together - they even had the cheaper hotel option at £40 a night but still didn't come) - in my eyes the didn't come because they didn't want to come.

I wouldn't even bother looking into it. Its half an hour for gods sake. You have enough to be arranging/sorting out to do!
15/11/2011 at 06:12
We both politely suggested to in laws (h2b agreed with this also) that maybe his parents could help take some of the pressure and arrange transport for those on his side who needed it.
We have lots to do still and also dont have the money. His parents are now suggesting all his family stay at our 'wedding night hotel' instead. You can imagine my thoughts over this suggestion.

I am so confused. Why are they causing such a fuss and panicking that people cannot get home, its 20 miles! 30 mins drive, surely they can book a cab or drive a car?
15/11/2011 at 07:10
Cos its not your day, its a party for your family, doh can't belive you didn't know that!!
;-)
xxx

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Mon New bride 2 be
28/03/2013 at 00:54
Mon New bride 2 be
28/03/2013 at 00:57
I agree in that this is silly that the majority of the groom's families are the issue. We have a similar issue but we are paying for the entire wedding with no help from his very well off family and we didn't want to ask my family as they are lower income. We want to treat everyone to a great time to be witness to our new beginning and our union, but his family keeps wanting us to change the date because some of them refuse our right not to come for an end of winter wedding and some won't make 2 trips out to our country in one year for Christmas and then our wedding. My family is already expressing their excitement and making plans well in advance to be ready and afford to come.

Franky, if they are making a big deal, just let them know that it's too bad they can't come. Send an invite to someone who does care about your relationship instead.

This is an opportunity for families to come together in a time of unity and celebration, this isn't the groom's family party.

They can pay for their transportation, ignore their childish tantrums and threats of not coming. It's disrespectful to you and your future husband.
28/03/2013 at 10:25

They are, quite frankly bonkers, a lot of people travel more than 20miles to work every day  I honestly wonder how some people manage their day to day lives if a 30min journey is too much for them to arrange themselves!!

I wouldn't arrange transport, tbh if someone had asked me how they were supposed to make that kind of journey I'd probably have a face like  and tell them to get in a car or get the train/bus - some people expect far too much handholding  

28/03/2013 at 13:16

I cannot believe how unreasonable some guests can be when they are being invited to celebrate with free food and free drink and free entertainment!

I have had similar complaints from the grooms family because we are getting married 1 hour away from them! Ridiculous. I drive 1.5 hours to work and then back every day... do I ask my work to arrange for me to have a taxi and a hotel each day? No. I just drive...

H2B's family have even complained about how they are going to look after their dogs on the wedding day! His aunt actually asked if she could bring them with her!!

Sorry but, imo, it is up to the guests to sort out getting there, staying there, getting home and looking after their dogs!

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