I know completely where you are coming from, as you've shared so much I feel that I should explain that my Mum is also a "functioning" alcoholic. I have the exact same feelings about being fed up of the embarrassment and the same problems everytime either me or my sister have tried to approach my Mum about it!
I've not yet tackled the drinking at my wedding issue with my Mum but I know it's a conversation I'll have to have. I desperately hope that for one day she will be able to put me before the drinking and I totally wish the same thing for you.
At least you have your Mum and other relatives who totally understand the situation and will support you in every possible way on your big day. Wenchy's suggestion of trying the GP is a good one but I know how difficult it may be actually persuading your dad to get help.
You can send me a message if you want to chat with someone in a kinda similar situation.
My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/traditional-church-wedding-clashes-with-beer-festival/384344.html
As you've shared so much I thought I would too. My mum's just the same. A 'functioning' alcoholic. Although I'd use the word functioning in the loosest sense, if my dad hadn't always looked after and protected her I don't think she'd be with us now.
When we were kids she used to get so drunk we'd come home from school and find she'd fallen down the stairs, my little sister had to call an ambulance on her birthday once because she'd hit her head. It was awful. My older sister is 5 years older than me and looked after us so much when we were kids, and we were forever cleaning up where she'd wet herself. When I think about it now it's hard to believe we all lived like that, and kept it a secret for so long.
Now we're older things are much better. She's been through rehab a few times and my dad retired so they could be together every day. She still drinks, but usually not to the point that she used to.
I'm also really worried about her getting drunk at the wedding and causing a scene, especially as my little sister has a short temper and they fight a lot. Or worse, what if the mother of the bride wets herself at my wedding?!
Unfortunately, you can't force someone not to drink. You can take him aside and tell him you're worried about his health and encourage him to see someone for help. I think we just have to hope our parents will put us before the alcohol, and hope that other family members might act as a calming influence if tempers start to flare.
Only a ninja can sneak up on another ninja
Planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/our-ninja-planning-thread/380991.html
My friends father is very much the same way and as much as the family try to encourage him to seek help he is very resistant. The family are so used to it by now that before any big event they warn him if he does become upset etc he will be asked to leave. One person not immediately involved in the event takes responsibility of keeping an eye on him and taking him home if need be.
Obviously thats not ideal but it might put your mind at rest on the bigday if you know someone will be making sure he is ok.
Well, although i cannot help you with anything, but would like to comfort you with some words. You are not alone in this, your whole family is. There are things in life that you may not be able to help and neither can you completely get rid off. Your idea, to keep a check on him is just fine... He is after all your father, you cant just leave him alone, yet you have to take care of the new family you are going to be involved with... All i can do is wish and pray for you.... Hope that everything turns out to be fine and wish you all the luck for your wedding.
I desperately sympathise with you in this. I can speak from personal experience and I was also worried at one point they would show me up at my wedding for being drunk. Time has past now and they have really got a grip on their drinking and I couldn't be prouder but what I sort of clung on to was the fact that my family: grandparents, uncles, aunties, etc. would be there to support me if said person became drunk and emotional. There's a possibility that your dad wouldn't get in such a state in front of your mum and family, especially if he sometimes attempts to hide his drinking. Again, I totally feel for you and it might be worth sitting down and having a frank conversation whilst he's sober. I know how hard that is but it could help him to see the light. Good luck x
I have a lump in my throat........so pleased that things are improving. You have a long road ahead of you all but at least your father is on the right road!
I'm really happy for you and hope your wedding is everything you dreamed of. xxx
Sending your dad every strength to help him through this tough and important time. I'm sure he will be so proud of you that he will also want to show you he can change, sending good positive vibes for you all and i hope you have a fantastic day!