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Bridezilla

KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

How about the comments you get when you're getting married (gasp) a second or even third time?  Or the lack of comments even... *crickets*   It can be more than a little disheartening.  I think people say even more rude things when it's a second or third marriage ("You're actually having a wedding?") or they just as cruelly don't take it seriously and don't want to talk about it with you at all.

I actually think the comments people make about babies in relation to a marriage announcement are the most appalling:

"I'm getting married."

"Oh, that's nice.  Will you guys be having children then?"

Erm, excuse me, none of your business and not even a related topic!! 

I had a (male!) coworker who just wouldn't leave it alone even when I made it clear I did NOT want to talk about it.  These comments were especially hurtful in that I can't have children 

I've found (so far) that everyone we've told is happy for us - no comments (yet!) about it being second time for us both.

But the kids thing..... omg yes.   I get so sick of dealing with other people's questions, assumptions and opinions about why I'm childless

Bridezilla

My favourite was my uncle about our venue that was 30mins away: "without being funny why are you getting married there, it's a bit out of the way isn't it?" 

my response: "I've given everyone 18months to save for taxi's or arrange to car share"

That same uncle came to the wedding, told other relatives he was only there for the free food, then went home straight after the meal with 3 bottles of wine that he'd taken from other tables. There really is no pleasing some people!

Wedding addict

Oh god the children thing!!

Why why why does anyone think it is acceptable to question you on something so personal without any warning! It's so insensitive to ask as you never know anyones personal circumstances.

I've been told I'm too "career orientated" if I say I don't think it is someone's business... erm no I just think my fertility and family planning is something to be discussed with F before practical strangers!

Bridezilla

Both me and my partner are very geeky.. we have a lot of personal touches which everyone but my dad is excited about. I showed him the paper flowers I had made using comic book paper and was told my wedding would be so "Jeremy Kyle". 😡

My FSIL told me and my partner that she wouldn't come to the wedding if we spent the night before together. 

My bridesmaid tried to tell me I had to have loads of make-up, fake eyelashes, hair extensions, fake tan, fake nails etc. I won that battle though as I never wear make up, never paint my nails, am very pale... so I would like to look like myself on my wedding day! 😂

New bride

weatherwaxe wrote (see post):

Oh my god, so many comments - why can't people just keep their opinions to themselves? We have had a million 'helpful' comments because we're having quite a non-traditional wedding. 

When I bought my dress my mum asked me what colour hair I was going to have on the day (I change my hair colour all the time). When I said I was thinking of going red again, she pulled a face and told me that red doesn't go with white and blue (my shoes and petticoat are blue). Since when??

 

 

 

This!

I think red hair sounds amazing with any dress! I'm still trying to decide whether to have my hair colourful at the time or not... my dress will be colourful and I know everyone will tell me it's too much.

We have some pretty non-traditional ideas too. Nothing really "out there" (in my opinion anyway) but a lot of the usual traditions just don't suit us. That's caused plenty of raised eyebrows and comments along the lines of "well that's.... erm... interesting!"

For me the weirdest comment (which I've now received from three different people) has been "well after you're married you won't be travelling anymore will you?" (My entire life and job revolves around travel and that's how FI and I met!!) I just think wait, how is that even related? Lol!

Wedding addict

I'm getting married a week Thursday and I'm dreading the kids thing starting. I've just turned 31, it's highly unlikely my partner can father kids and I have only just started on a career that is quite physical. I'm on a placement until the end of September next year and so timings aren't great.

I don't seem to have had many other comments about it really. I think I'm quite lucky though. There's a few things my Mum suggested and some of them I have said we're not doing some of them has made me think and I have changed my mind on it

Wedding addict

I hate all the money comments that are made! This is a huge bugbear of mine. We told my mum that we'd booked the venue etc, just paid the deposit etc etc.. She asked how much it was, so we told her. Her reaction to that was 'WOW, our whole entire wedding cost less than your deposit' She got married like 30years ago? Times change, prices go UP! x

Bridezilla

Clare98 wrote (see post):

For me the weirdest comment (which I've now received from three different people) has been "well after you're married you won't be travelling anymore will you?" (My entire life and job revolves around travel and that's how FI and I met!!) I just think wait, how is that even related? Lol!

People honestly expect that the minute you get married, you will quit your job, pop out some kids and stay at home all day washing dishes. They act like your life is over! It's so outdated as nowadays most couples already live together, and the woman is- shock- just as likely to have a career as the man. And also- more shock- couples are making the choice of having babies based on what they want, not what society thinks they should do.

I have certainly had plenty of the 'well you have to get all the fun in before you are married!' comments when we told people we have booked holidays etc. Why?! Do you curl up and die once you are married?! I can tell you from a reliable source (me, I'm married) that you don't lol. We are living our life exactly as we did before- working, travelling, having fun!

Wedding addict

KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

How about the comments you get when you're getting married (gasp) a second or even third time?  Or the lack of comments even... *crickets*   It can be more than a little disheartening.  I think people say even more rude things when it's a second or third marriage ("You're actually having a wedding?") or they just as cruelly don't take it seriously and don't want to talk about it with you at all.

I actually think the comments people make about babies in relation to a marriage announcement are the most appalling:

"I'm getting married."

"Oh, that's nice.  Will you guys be having children then?"

Erm, excuse me, none of your business and not even a related topic!! 

I had a (male!) coworker who just wouldn't leave it alone even when I made it clear I did NOT want to talk about it.  These comments were especially hurtful in that I can't have children 

 

I've had a definite lack of comments. This is the second time for both of us and nobody mentions the wedding at all. We've been engaged for 2 years and our date is booked for February 2019 and it doesn't seem real. We've booked quite a few things and both family and friends just haven't shown any interest in anything. It's quite disheartening.

 

Bridezilla

LisaDToBe wrote (see post):
 

I've had a definite lack of comments. This is the second time for both of us and nobody mentions the wedding at all. We've been engaged for 2 years and our date is booked for February 2019 and it doesn't seem real. We've booked quite a few things and both family and friends just haven't shown any interest in anything. It's quite disheartening.

 

My parents are not showing any interest at all, it's my second and his first.  I'm trying to ignore the negativity and keep in my bubble.  Ours is Jan 2019 so I'll be interested in yours ;0) 

Wedding addict

Thinking about this I’m surprised I’ve not had any comments that we got engaged too soon (after 16 months together). But then again I moved in with him after 7 months together so maybe it was obvious.

Wedding addict

The only real problem I had was telling my friends (from the beginning, Day One of the engagement) that I wasn't having any bridesmaids. These three are now not talking to me, and they have not received an invite.

We are doing the 'church hall reception and self catered food' because that's our style - but everyone's comments are all "Oh, you could wait and save up though? To have the big wedding?" Well maybe, Delilah, we could afford it right now and we're CHOOSING not to. 

I've had the whole "you need to doll yourself up" talk too. I agree on false lashes - I'll be wearing my contacts (rare indeed) and don't want to worry about mascara running. I'll have a mani pedi, too, but only normal (not fakes or gels). The fake tan, however, is a bone of contention with the bestie (in good humour), who thinks I simply cannot get my casper legs out in church without a bronzed glow.

Might even be able to understand that, were I not getting married in January. Everyone's white at this time of year!

 

Wedding addict

Oh Annie that's such a shame about your "bridesmaids"... still cuts down the guest list! I think not having any is the most diplomatic approach of any- how can anyone be annoyed at that!! 

I completely agree about the fake tan, too.. I have a fear that it will look so messed up and rub off on my dress.. irrational I'm sure.

 

I've had a call today from Mum to say that her sister's boyfriend (who is a grade A kn*b) is no longer on the guestlist. Fine by me, but he was only on there cause she fought for him to be in the first place! 

 

Bridezilla

“People who drag out and engagement aren’t bothered about the wedding” .... what’s my excuse I’ve been engaged 7 years 😂😂 

As for other people’s questions weve had some already... mostly from S’s Dad, things like “So at your wedding is everyone having to wear a suit?” (Yes... it’s a wedding!) “can’t I just wear a shirt, tie, smart trousers and tracksuit top?” (No, it’s a wedding!) 

Our ceremony venue and reception venue are 10-15mins taxi ride apart, and we’ve had a uproar from S’s parents about them having to pay for their own taxi to get there “Why can’t YOU just provide transport for us?” “I refuse to pay my own taxi fare” (it roughly will cost £5-£10)

Sometimes I just want to scream! S has even been tempted to say to his parents that if all they’re going to do is moan about his special day - then they might as well not bother. 

Bridezilla

Oh. Some of these make me laugh. And I have definitely had a lot of the. Especially the kid one. But we are actually hoping to start trying after the wedding. Do that one bothers me less. The ones that did get to me recently though were from my two charming make collegeues

-Should you really be wearing white. I thought that was reserved for...  Eh beg your pardon? Massively inappropriate. And none of your business 

- Why are you spending so much on the wedding. You should just get married in a registers office and then have a BBQ...Cheers Middle aged colleague who doesn't have a girlfriend or any intention of ever getting married. But thats not what I want.

I just roll my eyes and don't dignify those type of comments with a response.

 

 

Bridezilla

I’ve been married for four months now and just last week I was told I should have invited my 18 year old nieces boyfriend, who we have never met, I can’t change time and even if I could I still wouldn’t invite him! Lol

Bridezilla

Tanya128 wrote (see post):

I’ve been married for four months now and just last week I was told I should have invited my 18 year old nieces boyfriend, who we have never met, I can’t change time and even if I could I still wouldn’t invite him! Lol

Haha my H2B eldest sister (usually the normal lovely one compared to the other 2) is quite miffed we aren't inviting her 20 year old daughter's boyfriend. Never met him, they've been together 10 months currently and she left her previous boyfriend of 3 years (who we had met many times and loved) for this guy. H2B keeps telling her it's just not happening when she mentions it lol


                                  My Planning Thread - 'Tis The Season to be Married

                                                                                                         



Bridezilla

Annie40 wrote (see post):

 

We are doing the 'church hall reception and self catered food' because that's our style - but everyone's comments are all "Oh, you could wait and save up though? To have the big wedding?" Well maybe, Delilah, we could afford it right now and we're CHOOSING not to. 

 

 

Honestly, you can't win on this one. Have a small wedding and people will say things like that, or refuse to call it a 'real wedding', have a big expensive one and people will make comments like the above on 'why don't you just get married in a registry office, it's such a waste of money' . Whichever you choose will be wrong. I even had my mum lecture me about how she got married in a church, had a small gathering at her parents house and her mum made a fruit cake (which she hates) and crocheted her wedding dress. Well do excuse me for not doing the same but that sounds sh*t lol.

Oh, and I haven't even touched on the church thing. Some people will refuse to acknowledge the wedding as 'real' because it's not in a church. "Yes I know you are strongly atheist, but can't you just pretend so you can have a real wedding?!"   

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