10.03.12 This aint a love song.....

Hey there rat fans!!! it's been a while, but here I am, FINALLY writing my report! I remember joining YAYW way back in the day, and seeing my count down say something like "900 days until your wedding" **Sigh** it now says "19 days since your wedding" and although I'm glad it's all over in a way, a part of me is already missing the build-up... But let me start at the beginning...

For those of you expecting a love story, you will be disappointed (as was I!!) I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but it took us a long time to get to where we are today. For a long time, it seemed destined to fail- and here's why...

March '01

I was a fresh faced 20 year old, who had decided to live away from home in the big smoke. I moved into a house with 3 other girls, and we had the time of our lives. This is where I met my best friend Lisa. She was from Tipperary (It's a long way... I never tire of that... she does... ) and working as a nurse. She had a boyfriend who worked in construction, and he had a friend called Tom. One weekend, she told me to come out with them all and go to our local Irish bar. This is where I met Tom for the first time, on the 10th March 2001. I remember seldom little about that night, except hating his shoes, and vowing secretly to myself if we became a couple, I would change them! True to my word, for his birthday in July that year, he got some Hummo approved shoes and the old ones disappeared...

September 01

We moved in together, I had just turned 21, and we had a horrible little flat that we could just about afford. But Tom is a hard worker and things were better back then for construction workers, so we got by mainly on his over time. However my career started to go well, and I also got a pay rise. Things started to look up

July 4th 02

I was pregnant. She wasn't planned, and I was just 22. We were still in the horrible flat, so provisions had to be made asap for somewhere nicer to bring up a baby. We found another flat and moved in the September. I got fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter and then...

Feb 21st 03

Lily was born. Cue first photo (she was about 8 months old here, I don't have any earlier ones on my computer!)






please work photo!....

Next installment to come this afternoon!

Yaaaaay! Hummo report been waiting for this Such a cute pic of Lily!

love the Hummo approved shoes bit

More more moreeee!

Now motherhood didn't come easy for me. I suffered postnatal depression terribly. I was miserable and my relationship with Tom was at a low. We had a beautiful new baby, but he found it hard to adjust to fatherhood too. He's Irish- and I don't want to put him as a stereotype, but he likes to drink, and he drinks quite heavily. He wouldn't think twice about going for a pint every night on his way home from work, and not get in until about 8-9pm, whilst I was at home all day with a baby. It didn't help that I hated how I looked, and I started to resent the little ???????bundle of joy??????? who stopped me from having a life like Tom did. I was also weak, I never told him how I felt, I kept it bottled up. While I was imagining pushing Lily's pram under the first lorry that came along, while he went out for all day sessions in the pub on a weekend. Babies are tough, and for a guy who doesn't have that maternal bond, he just let me get on with it. So the cracks began to appear.

I could spend a whole chapter about that point in my life, but I won't. Things got worse however, as you will learn- but I don't want to focus too much on it all, as it's in the past. I just wanted to put that in so you know why I might not go into too much detail at points!

So September 2005 Lily's cheeky little sister Bonnie came along... again she wasn't planned, and you'd think that we'd have learnt about safe sex by now, but hey-ho I'm obviously a fertile little bunny and I wouldn't change how it has all panned out for the world... here she is with her then 3 year old sister...

Lots of hugs! You had a really tough time but you've come out of it like a rock star

Ok so that's the complete family- they are such daddies girls its shocking! Here's one of the 3 of them

Hummoooooooooo!!!! You're back!! This is going to be one of those reports like a good book that you don't want to put down....get typing girl

The girls are such little beauties!

I hope you are enjoying married life and everyone is well. Big congrats to the Hummo! I feel like I shouldn't call you that anymore but you'll always be Hummo to us

The year that photo was taken was 2009, the worst year of my life. Actually it was very bitter sweet. I had lost a whopping six stone- going from this (me on the left )




to this




But strains in our relationship were just too much- Tom still hadn't curbed his drinking, and we had 2 beautiful girls, I just couldn't understand why he'd want to spend his time in the pub and not with us. My depression had got better when I lost the weight. I love to run and it just seemed to beat it out of me! Its worth mentioning that I lost the weight as in an argument one day back in 2008, Tom called me a ???????Fat c*nt???????. I'm sure I heard you all intake a sharp breath of air there! It was a shocker to hear that from the man who is supposed to love you, but in reality, it's what I needed! All of a sudden, I thought to myself ???????Right, I'll be a c*nt, but I'll be a skinny one!??????? and thus began my fitness regime.

Aw, pretty girls. Didn't know you had had such a hard start. Seems like you've come back fighting xx

The hot Hummo who runs marathons

We never actually met to run in Hyde Park, did we? You'd have left me really far behind

What Im going to write now is not easy. Please do not judge me for my decision, and please believe me when I say he has changed dramatically- Im not a cliche.

So back to 2009- and we had a massive argument where he had been out in the pub all of the bank holiday Monday in May. I confronted him when he came back, and he held me by the neck and arm- so hard on the arm that it left a bruise. I told him to leave. He wouldn't, so I packed a bag for myself and the girls and drove to my mums in bits. Speaking further with him, he still wouldn't leave the house but was bitterly disappointed in himself for his actions... I agreed (as the girls had to get to school and my mum lives an hour away) that he would sleep downstairs and only come into the house after we were all in bed and be out of the house before we were up- he could see the girls on the weekend, but he was not to come near me. He bombarded me with notes and texts to say sorry. He joint the AA. Now again, as I mentioned before, I could rattle on for ages, and I don't want to justify why I took him back- domestic violence is NOT ok and I don't not condone what he done that day. But then neither can he. We spent months that year living ???????apart??????? but he really did turn his life around. He saw all of a sudden what he was going to lose and finally kicked into gear.

Everyone is different, and maybe without the children we would have gone our separate ways. But having a mortgage and kids kept us bonded. He knew if he did anything like that again, he would NOT get another chance, and I would not subject the children to his drinking. It was not OK to take them into the pub with him, it was not ok to drive after having a pint... it was not ok to neglect us, and it was NOT ok to raise a hand to me. I had changed, I had become stronger and more confident. He could no longer get away with not being a part of the family he either becomes a proper daddy and partner or he left. I made it very clear, and I meant every word I spoke to him.

And then finally began the happy times.

Tom still drinks- but socially. It is a massive part of the Irish culture- not being a p*ss head, but going to the pub for a pint and watch the hurling match... I accept that. There is a big Irish community where we live, and so on a Sunday evening now (not all day!) or maybe when a big match is on, he will go. I also have my own social life where I drink (drunk Hummo was fairly famous on this forum I'll have you know!) and my career is going from strength to strength. We also have mandatory date nights where the kids will be looked after while we go out for dinner together. Hes still not perfect, but he is a man after all ??????

Us

I cannot say it enough times. You are a brave and strong and amazing woman!

This is a beautiful report so far and you are a very strong person. You stood up for the family deserved and you got it. Well done you. Xx

Oh Hummo! You're one of the strongest people I know and I'm trying not to blub! Tom sounds like he has done amazingly well leaving his old life behind him and you did so well in outlining the paths he could have chosen. I'm glad he chose his beautiful family and the good times started to roll.

BTW - I love your haor cropped, it really suits you! Skinny minnie!!

so 2010..... I run a marathon and oh yeah... I get proposed to! It was nothing overly romantic (in True Tom style!) in the days after Christmas and in-between new year, we went to a restaurant and he pulled out a ring... he had chosen it himself (Ok so guess that's kind of romantic!) I couldn't believe it! I had honestly thought it probably would never happen and we would just float along together. I called up my mum and sister instantly - they still hated Tom and so their reaction wasn't how I would have liked it to be... but Tom really started to work on showing them how he had changed and so by about April 2010, they had finally accepted it! We went to Ireland in May for a family wedding, and whilst we were there went to the Galway Bay Hotel in Galway to just have a quick look............... we came out with a wedding booked for 10th March 2012- 11 years to the day after we had met! The hotel was amazing, I'll have to find some photos of it- but they were brilliant. They bent over backwards to help me out planning and I would highly recommend them to stay with if you are ever in the area!

The deal we got was 60 euros a head- but it included-

Drinks on arrival for guests
Wedding car
Wedding cake
Flowers for church and bridal parties/button holes
5 course dinner
???? a bottle of wine each during dinner
A room for the parents of the bride and groom on the night of the wedding
The bridal suite for the couple
Evening food
Canap????s on arrival for guests
Chocolate fountain (that's what sold it for me!!)
Candelabras for centre pieces on the tables
Chair covers
Fairy light back drop

So quite a lot! The suite looked AMAZING when it was all set up- again, I've no pictures yet, but will update when I get the professional ones back

Hummo, you my love are a legend. And I think you did the right thing for you and took a big risk, which is thankfully justified by how happy you and Tom are now. I hope he knows what a lucky bugger he is.

October 2010- so I had acquired 5 BMs - my sister Katy was to be chief, Lisa (whom was mentioned earlier) Sarah (a friend since we were 10, and my sisters best friend) Becky (whom I met when we were 15 in Menorca on our family holidays- it turned out she only lived 5 mins up the road from me!) and Alison (from Barry Island... that's all I need to say.... ?????? I worked with her for about 10 years so a v good friend) and of course the 2 little munchkins who are so unbelievably beautiful I had to accept they would steal the show from me! We went dress shopping together and ended up firstly in Brentwood. I can't remember the name of the shop (it's by the little roundabout near the station for anyone who knows the area) but they were so unbelievably rude to us, that they were not going to get our business! I don't understand why some ladies who work in these bridal shops thinks so highly of themselves... I tried on quite a few dresses and the woman who was ???????helping me??????? said very hoity ???????You've tried on almost all of the dresses we have, I hope you're not wasting my time??????? cue me leaving and not spending a thing there.

I wanted something different, I considered myself too old to wear a fairy princess style dress and although it was fun to try them on, there was nothing that jumped out at me. Until I went to the Wedding shop in Colchester. (And might I add, what lovely lovely lovely ladies they are in there, the woman took time to listen to what I wanted, and instantly went to the collection and pulled out dresses she thought would suit me)

And she pulled out ???????the one???????

Photo to follow....

Right I'm famished, need a wee and am about 2 hours behind at work. I'll come back later this afternoon.

That's an insanely great deal! 60 per head for all that!

The chocolate fountain was quite an experience, I must say

CBW is right. He is a lucky bugger!

Hummo what an amazing report so far, brave and strong is the Hummo we know I saw some of your wedding pics on FB and some of the girls from the other place asked to see too - I never stole your pics but I will link them to your report if you dont mind?

Also I CANT WAIT FOR MORE!!

Congrats hun x