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What Am I Doing?!

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Bridezilla

MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

Gosh they really are rubbish aren't they? And you are still being very nice, saying you don't want the price honoured - if I'd had it agreed verbally and in writing I bloody would!

I definitely think speaking to someone further up the chain has to your next step.

I know, i flit between wanting to push them to honour the price, and just wanting confidence the rest of the event will be alright. It would be nice if we could find something in the middle - we pay for a few changes but not the full amount they're asking for. 

I've emailed their head office very vaguely to just ask for a contact of someone i can talk with fully, and if i haven't heard back from her by Sunday ill send it over to them. 

Her lack of response to anything makes it so hard, i don't think we will be able to get a meeting in next week at this rate. 

Bridezilla

So over the weekend we received a very lovely and informative email from the Catering Manager. She couldn't do more to help us and was just so so lovely, its really put my mind at ease with it all. 

What STILL pi***s me off is that the Venue Manager hasn't come back to us at all, and she has clearly just fobbed off our complaint to the catering team.

I'm almost impressed at the levels shes going to to avoid accepting responsibility for her fuck up. 

Having trawled through all the contact i've had with both venue & catering staff from the outset it appears the 3 "owners" have a somewhat active part in the running of it all as well. One of them has been in touch before but i think she works mostly with the catering side, and another emailed us briefly last week to suggest we talk to the venue manager.... the third i cannot find any contact details for. 

So M's half term treat is writing up a comprehensive email stating  all the mistakes from day 1 and putting forward what we want in return. We have discussed it, and we are not going to dispute paying the extra however we will mention they are actually legally bound to provide the original quote at the original price. In return for us paying the new price, we are going to see what they will give us as compensation to make up for it, with the aim to push for: Our suite for the night, upgrades on drinks and additional alcohol throughout the day. 

Hopefully he drafts something up soon and we can get some closure on this. Madness when all we ever wanted was them to accept they messed up and apologise. 

On another note we had M's parents over for dinner last night, it was a really lovely evening and they were both so kind, telling us how we should only do things we want and not to worry about anyone else. They also said they want to help financially, but were very vague on numbers. M bless him did ask - and they said "do things how you want and let us know what you're short at the end" which is very sweet, but we have planned it all in a way so that we wont be short, but it will mean we have very little left over in our rainy day fund. M said he will deal with this later though and possibly ask if they'll contribute for his and his brothers suits. 

We also managed to nab an Instax Mini 70 on Ebay for £43!! Very pleased with this, and it means we can have a whole photobooth set up for well under £100! 

I feel loads better about the whole wedding thing, and i'm beginning to accept even if we never get the apology or acknowledgement of mistakes like we would want, i will just plan everything myself to an absolute T so on the day i don't have to rely on the venue manager for anything much and afterwards ill annihilate her in my review 

Bridezilla

Just quickly jumping in on the parents being vague thing - we had the exact same problem with our in laws, they really kindly offered to "help" and then never set out how much they wanted to help us out by! We had a few awkward conversations with them where we tried to get an idea of the figure but it didnt work.

In the end, husband sent them an email listing the things we still had left to pay, ranging from £50 to £500. They included things like the balance of the photographer, the wine, some decorative stuff we wanted and smaller things like the registrars fees etc. We worded it nicely to say that if they wanted to help with the wedding perhaps they could choose something off the list. We were lucky and they paid for a few things which meant we could avoid asking them for cold hard cash and also meant they felt like they were contributing to something rather than just putting money towards it. hope that helps! 

Bridezilla

Pretty Things

I've been looking back at tops/capes/veils ect as a pleasant distraction from the drama, and it only seemed to occur to me today that i could use the top to inject the colour i had originally wanted in my dress. 

I love the idea of something like this if i were to go down the more traditional (but not quite) route:Glitter Frost Ivory Trendy Top, Prom Ivory party crop top, Ivory engagement glitter top, Bridesmaids or Bridal Sparkle blouse plus size

(I don't know if you can tell but its sparkly)

But i saw this on Etsy
Poly Raw Silk New Multicolor Designer Readymade Digital Printed Blouse Wedding Party Saree Choli Top Tunic Sari

And i ended up down the rabbit hole of floral silks! 
1 YARD Cotton Lycra BRIGHT Watercolor Floral Custom Knit Fabric 

  

I love the idea of something bold and different, as I always wanted something a little unusual in my look, but I did think the last picture would go well if M does stick with wanting to go for Blues with his and the groomsmen for ties and pocket squares. 

I have the benefit that i can make whatever i decide on, but i really like the cut of the first two, and I want it to button up at the top by my nape but then fall into an /\ shape. 

Is it a bit much or do you think it could work? Its a spring wedding after all! 

Bridezilla

I love your shoes and I love the idea of adding some colour with the top - the fabrics are gorgeous.  I've just looked back at your dress and post re: capes / tops / veils and thought you could maybe go with a tulle style top, so that it's semi sheer and matches the fabric of the bottom of the dress, then you could add some tulle coloured flowers to the top and maybe scatter a couple of these onto your veil (I'm hoping to add some colour with my veil also).

Will you be making your own veil too?  With you saying you'll probably make the top, I would definitely recommend making the veil yourself too (if you haven't already decided this).  I've made a couple and they're super easy.

Bridezilla

Jessica Rabbit wrote (see post):

I love your shoes and I love the idea of adding some colour with the top - the fabrics are gorgeous.  I've just looked back at your dress and post re: capes / tops / veils and thought you could maybe go with a tulle style top, so that it's semi sheer and matches the fabric of the bottom of the dress, then you could add some tulle coloured flowers to the top and maybe scatter a couple of these onto your veil (I'm hoping to add some colour with my veil also).

Will you be making your own veil too?  With you saying you'll probably make the top, I would definitely recommend making the veil yourself too (if you haven't already decided this).  I've made a couple and they're super easy.

I feel like you've just put all my jumbled thoughts on this into something coherent!! Thank you! <3 

I've been trawling the internet all day looking at different fabrics and there wasn't any one that seemed exactly right, but i have seen some appliques so i think i might give this a go!

In all honestly i reckon i can do a top and a veil for under £100, so if it does all go wrong at least it isnt the end of the world, and i like the idea of having the ability to change my mind mid production haha. 

I think i'm going to aim for ivory/blush/blue details, as then hopefully this will tie in with M's tie & pocket square, and it makes me feel a bit better about having blue in our "theme". 

 

 

Bridezilla

Nothing has been happening of late - still awaiting responses from the higher ups at the Venue and we're not booking anything else until 12 months, so i have 5 months to fill!!

Our Polaroid camera arrived which i'm very pleased with, and think a little DIY photo booth will do us just fine! 

We have also ordered all the bits to make our save the dates. M loved the small log slice magnets but at £1 per invite we weren't going down that route, considering we weren't originally going to do save the dates at all. I've ordered some bits from Wish and hopefully can re-create that look at home. We are hoping to give them out over Christmas when we see people, but seeing as they're all coming from China we will just see how much time we have when it all arrives! 

Today is our anniversary so i'm feeling all sentimental, but i cant wait until i can say "this time next year". We've been talking a lot about our achievements and what we've managed together, and i feel really proud. At 24 & 26 we managed to save for a deposit for a house and secure a mortgage, and M was also secretly saving for my ring too. We're paying for this wedding ourselves (minus a few things like my dress and maybe Ms suit) and i just feel proud that we are doing this, were working hard to build our future and yeah our house is mostly a mess and there's a lot i want to do to it, but it's ours and we managed it together ^_^ 

(I have no issues towards anyone that does get assistance btw! I'm just saying its a good feeling that when we knew that wasn't available to us we made it work) 

As today is an occasion, were off for a lovely meal and i really cant wait for some quality time together doing what we do best....EATING! 

Bridezilla

Venue Update

So we have received an email from the main boss, and one from the venue manager herself.

I have to be honest - i haven't read either of them and wont do until tomorrow when its not going to ruin my evening, but i'm with friends tonight so don't want to mull over it. 

M has given me an overview - they have both apologised, and explained why they think it happened. We haven't been offered any compensation but they are offering a private Tasting Evening (as opposed to the standard with other couples) to help put our mind at ease, and they have advised they will give a full refund if i'm not happy with staying there. 

He's said they seem like they genuinely want to move forward from all this, and so do I, so i think this is the end of the saga thank god. 

Not really sure how i feel about it, but i'm ready to just not have to think about it anymore. 

New bride

Hey i’m new here. Spent yesterday reading through peoples threads. so sorry youve had a hard time with the venue. Theyve given you a good out if you want to move to a different venue. You’ll get your deposit back and 2020 is ages away to find a new one. Don’t settle with a venue your not happy with just because its the easiest option. there’s still a lot that can go wrong between now and then. I wouldn’t trust this venue not to f* up again or put the prices up between now and then or find another way to make you pay more. A private tasting isn’t nearly enough to make me stay there. What about the bridal suite and drinks upgrade you wanted? Yeh a sorry is good But they should have apologised and made things right ages ago. This isn’t enough compensation. Move to a different venue and have the wedding you want at the price u want. If you stay here youve Still ended up paying more than you wanted and not really getting anything out of it. Start fresh without a black cloud hanging over your plannjng. You can find a new venue with a cheaper price and Better staff. You said yourself you don’t want to get married there anymore no matter what they say. Stick to your guns here. this is one of the biggest days of your life and i think youl regret it if you settle for his venue and spend more than u wanted to.

Bridezilla

EmmaS2020 wrote (see post):

Hey i’m new here. Spent yesterday reading through peoples threads. so sorry youve had a hard time with the venue. Theyve given you a good out if you want to move to a different venue. You’ll get your deposit back and 2020 is ages away to find a new one. Don’t settle with a venue your not happy with just because its the easiest option. there’s still a lot that can go wrong between now and then. I wouldn’t trust this venue not to f* up again or put the prices up between now and then or find another way to make you pay more. A private tasting isn’t nearly enough to make me stay there. What about the bridal suite and drinks upgrade you wanted? Yeh a sorry is good But they should have apologised and made things right ages ago. This isn’t enough compensation. Move to a different venue and have the wedding you want at the price u want. If you stay here youve Still ended up paying more than you wanted and not really getting anything out of it. Start fresh without a black cloud hanging over your plannjng. You can find a new venue with a cheaper price and Better staff. You said yourself you don’t want to get married there anymore no matter what they say. Stick to your guns here. this is one of the biggest days of your life and i think youl regret it if you settle for his venue and spend more than u wanted to.

The problem is there aren't any venues locally that are even the same price, let alone cheaper, so if we did go to another venue it would end up costing us around £2000-£3000 more anyway, which we arent in a position to afford. 

Im taking some time to think it all over really. 

 

Bridezilla

So after a teary and stressful chat we have decided to stay with our venue. The catering manager has been looking after us wonderfully, and M is adamant having already been picked up on poor service, the venue staff will be making sure they do a better job going forward because they know we will pick them up on it. 

I am a bit less convinced on that second part, but as a compromise M has agreed i can look into hiring a stand alone Day Of Coordinator to help ensure things run smoothly. My fear is, left to her own devices the manager/coordinator wont make the effort to make sure things do actually go well, and although M said we can fight tooth and nail after if they ruin the day, i know that wont get us those special moments back, and the last thing i want is to look back on the wedding day as a disaster. 

So i'm looking into a few quotes, but they do currently seem to be quite expensive. I'm also looking into the option of a venue dresser and coordinator, who could set up a back drop for me, but then stay and run the rest of the show (if anyone can recommend someone in the Hertfordshire area please let me know!!)

The ceremony room generally looks like the below, with the foliage on the beams, lights, and heart at the back all standard. 

They recently had someone do this and i think its absolutely gorgeous! 

I'd love a similar backdrop, with the sign were having made just hanging in the middle, but when i contacted the company that did it they were a little confusing, and English wasnt their first language so i think i need to try again there. 

I'd love to DIY it but i feel like getting that set up on the morning along with everything else will be stressful, and its fire-proof, which i dont know if it legally has to be but it makes me think i cant just get a tonne of material and copy it haha. 

Again - any and all tips are welcome! 

Bridezilla

I think an external co-ordinator will be a good compromise, you will have some one keeping and eye on everything so you can relax and enjoy your day. I think you fiancé is right the venue will know you are unhappy and should be working hard to make sure everything is perfect. I also think the fact that the catering manager is good is great, the catering is such a big part of the day and expense, if I had to choose I would rather a strong catering manager then other members of the team.

 

Bridezilla

Do you have a fairly organized and ballsy friend or relative who you could give a running order to and get them to make sure things are running smoothly? I know the venue coordinator is rubbish, but you've mentioned several times now that you think she might actively seek to sabotage your wedding which sounds unlikely - she may be crap, but that would be a sackable offence, and a whole different ball game to her just being a bit shit. I think you are worrying unnecessarily on that front to be honest.

The room looks like nice both ways, but I must admit I prefer it with the draping - though the room is still lovely without.

 

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

Bridezilla

Thanks ladies! 

I think youre right MrsS85, the food was the thing we wanted to make an impact anyway so i suppose its better that theyre on it! 

I totally get where youre coming from MrsCToBe, i know im being paranoid and im sure my crazy brain will stop worrying and assuming the worst soon. I cant help but go into overdrive sometimes!

I might have a chat with m,y Super Aunt soon and see what she thinks, i just worry about roping people in to do too much because i want to make sure everyone can still enjoy it as much as possible. Ive been a helper friend at a wedding and i spent the whole time clearing tables and putting chairs away/out that i actually hardly got any time to enjoy the event myself, which is really not what i want for my nearest and dearest. 

Im going to do some more exploring re the draping of that room, i love it so much but a few places came back to me today quoting about £450, which i dont know if i can stomach.

 

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