...slowly. I am steadily making headway with my jobs, although my emotions seem to be all over the place. Yesterday was a case in point. Our place cards were meant to be delivered (along with our menus), but I had arranged with H2b to go buy thank you presents, which we did and I showed him the necklace that I would like as a wedding present. No idea if he will get it for me or not. We will see.
So I brought the presents home, hung about for a bit, then picked up our fruit bag and haired off to the station to pick my mother and her cousin up. Came back to the flat to drop off the fruit and the various things my mother had brought over from America - place card holders, a lipstick, my mother's outfit and, of course, my sister's bridesmaid's dress. This was the first time I had ever seen it in the flesh and it is - well, not pink but certainly about two shades lighter than I thought it was going to be. As my mother pointed out (and demonstrated) it is in the colour range of the earrings I am basing my colour scheme on but I am pretty sure it will clash with the dark red roses I am having. She will be carrying white flowers, so it shouldn't make too much difference, but it means that the jewelry I got her doesn't match and is generally rather frustrating.
Anyway, I was still waiting for this delivery so was rather tense and my mother was behaving in a way guarunteed to wind me up. Not intentionally, but in certain moods we have that effect on each other. So we decided to go out to lunch, which was actually very nice, although, of course, when we got back, there was a card saying that they had tried to deliver the package. So I had to reschedule for delivery today and then we had to rush off to my final dress fitting.
This went well, although the wretched front pleat still wasn't right (it should have been sorted now) and we had to sort out how to button up my dress for dancing. This took a while but, again, I think we sorted it out, although I am a bit worried about how big it makes me look behind. This was not helped by my mother's comment on how big my bottom is. Thanks, mum!
Still, I had one moment when I had my tiara and veil on when I felt - magical. Like more than just a girl in a pretty frock, as if I really was a queen. But I know my mother still isn't impressed by the cap I have for after dinner and I suddenly started feeling as if the dress wasn't very impressive, or as special as I want it to be (having had a lot of input into its design) and that it will make me look fat on the day, especially in comparison to the bride at the lasts wedding I went to who looked tiny and fragile and absolutely incredibly beautiful. I kept worrying about a photograph of me at another wedding earlier this summer that makes me look huge. I haven't lost any weight since then and really don't want to look like that in my wedding photographs!
Anyway, I didn't have much time to think much about this as I had to hare off to my dance lesson, a half hour bike ride away. It was two hours, although we ended a bit earlier. We were having a bit of trouble hearing the beat but it is getting there. It won't be perfect on the night, but it should be okay, as long as I can get in touch with the band to send them a CD of the music we have been practising to (they are currently in the States and I can't find their postal address). By the end my legs were in all sorts of pain and we still had to cycle home.
Once we got home, I started brooding and worrying, to the point where, when my mother called to tell me that she had found the earring she thought she had lost, I asked her if I looked okay in my dress and then burst into tears. I was (and to some extent still am) completely terrified that no one will enjoy themselves, that all the unique bits, like my dress and the ceremony and the food, won't impress anyone and they will find the whole thing over the top or stuffy or pretentious. I know that I have to let go and just enjoy myself on the day, that I can't control anybody else's enjoyment and that ultimately, as long as I end the day married to my beloved H2B, who was sat on the sofa looking very distressed as I wept down the phone to my mother, nothing else will matter. But I have spent so much time and emotional energy on planning this that it is very hard to let go of all anxiety and emotion involved in the planning in order to experience the emotions of the day itself.
Things were better this morning, after I finally had a good night's sleep (I was absolutely shattered by the time I got into bed). And today went rather better. I got my hair cut and coloured (I'm a red head again after far too long as a brunette and it makes me so happy!), the place cards finally arrived and I had an hour-long back treatment which was absolute heaven. The place cards are now at the engraver's, although the man in charge wasn't there so I won't know until tomorrow whether they can be done in time and I am having probles scheduling manicures and pedicures for my mother and sister. But I have gotten all the information written out for the best man and the venue which I will send off tomorrow which is very satisfying.
There are still a few jobs to do - booking cars, buying apple juice, typing up meal choices for the caterer, getting the table plan, reading and vows printed, buying the in-laws' thank you present, doing a practice run for the glazed almonds I am making for favours, but I should be able to finish all that by Monday evening. At least by then everyone involved in the wedding will know what I have planned so it won't feel as if everything is down to me.
On a sombre note, my aunt died this afternoon and the funeral will probably be on Tuesday. My mother says I don't have to go, but I think I will. I am supposed to be working for my old boss for most of the week (nothing too taxing, just sitting with a table of books at a conference) but I am sure he will understand if I need some time off.
And then, on Saturday, I pick up the handkerchieves I am having monogramed and we head to London for a celabaratory dinner with friends of my mother. And after that I am going to give up worrying and just enjoy myself if I can. There is so much to look forward to, in that lasst week. In the meantime, I'm sure that there will be plenty more to write about!
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Well, I have been reasonably efficient today in that I ordered our garden games, sorted out some rather complicated thank you presents, finished off our seating plan and wrote a couple of long and complicated confirmation letters. But, with 18 days to go, I am starting to panic about getting everything done.
Problem 1: Our place cards still haven't arrived. I thought they were being sent on Friday but now think they might not arrive until Thursday. The problem is, I am planning on getting them engraved to ensure that they fit in with our other stationary. I chose our invites because of the font and have gone to quite a lot of effort to make sure everything else fits in with that font. Unfortunately, my handwriting looks nothing like it, so engraving seemed the way to go. I thought I would be able to get the cards and the list of names to the engraver by Monday. He seemed a little unsure that this would be enough time. I can just see myself walking in Thursay morning to be told that 15 days won't be enough time to get it done. Plan B is to get my dad to do it, but he arrives in Britain on the Thursday before the wedding and will be staying in a hotel. Not ideal!
Problem 2: I have just realised that I was supposed to pay the caterer 50% of the money owed her a month before the wedding. It is now ten days late. I must call her tomorrow but there is nothing I can do until a reasonable hour tomorrow morning. I don't think it will be to much of a problem (I had a perfectly nice e-mail off her a couple of days ago) but I am feeling guilty about not being more on top of this (I still have to pay the band and the string duo as well).
I know I have two full weeks to get stuff sorted out, but I do feel I need to inform people of what is going to be happening sooner rather than later. And more little jobs keep popping up. It will all get done, but it will obviously be fairly stressful getting there. And the bloody countdown clock doesn't help!
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Golly, am I tired! It has been an incredibly busy weekend and it isn't over yet!
It really got started Wednesday evening when I finished my job and travelled down to Exeter for a job interview. I was really glad to be done with my job and the trip was surprisingly easy, given the weather. But boy was it long! I forgot how big Hampshire and Somerset are!
The interview went well, although I didn't get the job (my background is in twentieth century masculinity; they hired someone with a background in seventeenth century masculinity). At least they told me promptly (the interview was at 10:15; I got the call at 2:30 while I was still travelling back to Oxford - a much longer and more complicated trip than from Cambridge to Exeter because of the floods) and apparently I was so impressive that they have recommended me to some colleagues in a research group as a good post-doc prosect. I am currently trying to contact the head of the group to discuss options. So I am still without a job, but there are still some definite options open. In the short term, I will be looking for work in bookshops in Leeds while I try to get myself an agent, but hopefully something more lucrative will turn up in the medium- to long-term.
So that was Thursday. At 1:00am on Friday morning I popped awake in a complete panic about the wedding - everything from what would happend to our orders of the day (the printing company in Cirencester) to the fact that I still haven't received an invoice for the string duo or a receipt for the gift I ordered for our toastmaster.) After tossing and turning for half an hour, I decided that I couldn't go on disturbing H2B so I got up, made a list and tried to do some work (editing a paper) with a low light on. Finally, two hours later I was tired enough to get back to sleep.
Unfortunately the alarm was set for 7:30am. We had booked a car to drive over to Ely to pack up my flat there, including a washing machine. The car hire firm was (and still is as far as I'm aware) under water (although nobody had bothered to contact us to tell us this) so after an hour of calling around, we had our reservation transferred to the Reading branch. Which meant that we had to get to Reading by 10:00 with the a bus replacement service still running between Oxford and Didcot. When we got to the car hire company, only half an hour late, they informed us that we had rented a Punto, not the MPV I had ordered. On five hours sleep, I went into melt down. I don't know whether it was my tears or my H2B's calmness, but, although they couldn't give us an MPV, we did end up with a slightly large vehicle at the same price.
Anyway, it is amazing what you can fit into a Golf! We did manage to get the washing machine in, although not with all the other stuff I had accumulated over the past 9 months. So instead of driving over on Friday, cleaning the flat on Saturday, loading up and driving back on Sunday (the original plan), we drove over on Friday, packed the car and drove back to Oxford, unloaded the car and drove back to Ely on Saturday, then cleaned the flat, loaded up the washing machine and the last few bits and bobs and drove back to Oxford today. I am so physically exhausted that my legs started shaking when I went to get into the shower this evening. And we have to drive up to Leeds and back tomorrow to meet the people we are house-sitting for from September tomorrow.
Still, once this is all over, I can concentrate on the wedding. I am slightly worried about our place cards, having found someone to engrave them in a font to match the rest of our stationary. The problem is that he wants as long as possible to do it (unsurprisingly) and the actual placecards haven't yet turned up. Hopefully they will turn up first thing Tuesday morning so I can drop them off with the list of names. Then it is just a question of sorting out the last few thank you presents, writing to confirm details with all our suppliers, paying the initial instalment to the cater and the deposits for the string duo and the band and sorting out the final details of the seating plan. This last has proved terrifyingly easy, from all the parents agreeing on where the family is sitting to finding a printer who can produce the actual board froma computer file the same day I give it to them. I just hope to goodness that some of the riskier decisions we have made with where we sit people will pay off!
Anyway, it's back on the road tomorrow and after that it will be full speed ahead with the planning. Hopefully I will be able to update this blog a little more regularly over then next 20(!) days.
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