Ok one of my bridesmaids I have known for about 9 years and the other one 3 years.....

I wanted to ask my friend that I have known for longer to be a chief bridesmaid (and actually did in a drunken state....!) but the bridesmaid I have only known 3 years is generally being 'off' about the whole wedding and I am absolutely terrified of telling her that the other one is cheif bridesmaid!!! I hinted to her that I was thinking about it and she went off on one about how it looks favouritism and obviously i couldn't possibly like my other friend more etc, and how i don't need a chief bridesmaid and shouldn't have one! And then decided that I would only be having her as chief bridesmaid so that it wouldn't look odd on the tables ...........

.......because the other problem is that the difficult bridesmaid is refusing to sit on the top table unless her bf (who refuses to speak to me) sits there too - so i said no, and now she is sitting on the table that has my little page boy on it too - so she then says that my other bridesmaid has to sit on that table too otherwise it will look wrong.

This is where the dilemma comes in - I would love to have the bridesmaid i've known longer on the top table as a chief bridesmaid, but don't want to cause a complete palava over the whole thing. Do i just not tell anyone that she's chief bridesmaid and people can assume what they want?! Ideally I would have loved them both to sit on the top table and then there wouldn't be a problem - but if i have one not on the top table, and one on it people are going to wonder why... or just assume she's chief bridesmaid.... and it's not fair having one of my bridesmaid off the top table just because the other one is difficult.

Am i worrying about stupid things? I already feel like i have falling out with said bm that is being difficult and don't want to make it 100 times worse by making her feel less important - which isn't necessarily what i'm saying anyway. I can understand how it might look favouritist but I have known the other girl for about 7 years longer and she is my best friend and is not being a bitch about anything!

I just wondered whether if you were at a wedding and one bridesmaid was off the top table and one was on what would you think? I can't really change the cheif bridesmaid title now as i've already asked her, but have visions of someone asking on the day and me going errr yeah - sorry other bridesmaid i don't like you as much!!!! Or should I just get over it and tell everyone she's cheif bridesmaid?!!! haha.... aww w bridesmaids why did i bother having any!!!!

no offence but this friend of 3 yrs sounds really cheeky - how dare she dictate what's happening at your wedding! She's lucky her bf is even invited if he doesn't speak to you! It's her choice not to sit at the top table not yours so have your other friend there! Have your friend as chief and tell the other to grow up. She's being really mean and should just be happy to be a bm! Bloody cheek!

I agree with mrsfenwick2b! she does sound really cheeky! what about not telling her where she was sitting until you get to the venue?!

I completely agree with the other two. Its her choice not to sit on the top table on her own. My elder sister being the chief bridesmaid for me purely and simple because I asked my younger sister what to do and was thinking of tossing a coin. She laughed at me and said let the older one do it(thankfully)

One way round it is to ask if the friend of 3yrs wants to do a reading of somethign so she has something to do

Yep let her sit elsewhere... she sounds like a right pain in the wotsit anyway!!
I can't believe how rude and opinionated she sounds...Its her choice not to sit on top table so there is no reason why your CBM should have to move as well.
Lordy Lordy... there has been SOO many troublesome bridesmaids on here recently.. i consider myself very lucky!

I'm sorry but who's wedding is it your talking about?? cause by the sounds of it she seems to think it's hers.

you don't need to ask her permission for anything and the idea that you are "absolutely terrified of telling her" is atrocious I though she was a friend. TELL her that your friend who has been in your life alot longer is GOING to be your chief bridesmaid. If she has a problem with that tough. Your chief bridesmaid will be the one to organise your hen do and sign the register (generally). You don't need very much to get married an officiant! that it the rest are extras that you choose to have even the rings is she going to TELL you that you don't need all that stuff either.

It's your day and if you decide to get married underwater with no bridesmaids it still the same NONE OF HER BLOODY BUSINESS!!

Who's wedding is this again?

I would tell her to get lost! You need support from your bridesmaids not hassle.

Ok i am only having 2 adult bridesmaids and one 2 year old. I am having my chief bridesmaid sit with me on the top table and my other bridesmaid is sitting with her boyfriend on table 2.

She hasn't said anything about it as we are just going to get on with it.

If anyone has any problems about where they are sitting they can sit outside for all I care and that goes for parents too!

Avril

Hi Frances

Don't be bullied into anything. Honestly some people as soon as you mention bridesmaid or matron of honour they go and start planning as though its their day.

She is lucky you are still prepared to have her as bridesmaid.

Best wishes and hope you sort things the way you want them.

Fee

i was a CBM a couple of years ago, and i was the only one who sat at the top table, the others sat with friends and the little ones sat with there parents, so it wouldnt look strange.
Good luck xxx

Tell her either she sits at the top table without her BF (because having some random on the top table would look very odd) or she sits elsewhere with him but either way nice BM is sitting on the top table.

You don't need to pander to all her whims!

You don't need to name one of your bridesmaids cheif and no one will expect you to have one so don't worry about that. If you wantto avoid a row tell nice BM to keep it under her hat.

Or you could just sack the annoying one coz she's being a pain - that'd teach her!!

nearlymrsl thats what i would have said, she would have one choice do has i ask or get lost, its your wedding Frances you have enough things worry about without having an annoying bm, im having 6 and my daughter is my cbm and my h2b 2 daughters are also bms but its my choice who i want not the bms, you could always just drop it to this bm that your cbm has looked somewhere nice for your hen night this way she will whos got the cbm title

I think her attitude stinks - does she not realise that it is an honour to be asked to be bridesmaid???? I would tell her to get lost! I am only having my Chief Bridesmaid - who is actually my Matron of Honour sitting at the top table and her husband is sat at a table on his own with people he barely knows and I didn't hear a peep out of her about it. You don't need added hassle of a BM with attitude. At the end of the day you have known the one you want to be CBM a lot longer. The only other option is that neither of them sit at the top table - I have seen that before too. You couls replace the CBM with a sister or close female relative instead. As long as you and your CBM know the score that is the best thing. Havespoken to the CBM about it. See how she feels?

I totally agree - she should be honoured you have chosen to include her in your special day so don't let her throwing a kiddy tantrum upset you!! I am only having 2 bridesmaids and as they are both my sisters I didnt want to choose a CBM as I didnt want to look like I favoured either of them. So I am just having them both at the top table xx

I totally agree - she should be honoured you have chosen to include her in your special day so don't let her throwing a kiddy tantrum upset you!! I am only having 2 bridesmaids and as they are both my sisters I didnt want to choose a CBM as I didnt want to look like I favoured either of them. So I am just having them both at the top table xx

I have a friend sort of like this, she has always been quite possesive over me and does not really like it when i met up with other friends and a lot of my olders ones from college etc... I always used to ffel that i had to justify myself to her and sort of not let her down if im amking sense.

Anyway in the end i spoke to her about it and she actually listened and it was just cause she loved me and didnt wanna loose me to someone else (sound like a boyf!!) i explaind that wouldnt happen and she has been great since!
I think if this person is a good enough friend for u to chose her as bridesmaid then you should def sit her down and explaing how she is making you feel.

I am having 6 bridesmaids and no CBM as i dont really see the need for one and could never chose between my sisters.

I am not having all of them on the top table prob only 2 of them the others will be sat with friends or family.

Just dont forget this is YOUR day and do what YOU want, cause when its all over you do not want to be thinking 'i wish id done that' xxx

Tell her it's your wedding and your doing it your way, if she doesn't like it tell her you'd rather her not come if she's going to ruin things for you.
I don't see why you should even invite her BF to your wedding if he doesn't talk to you, fair enough maybe the evening but not all day!
x

Thanks girls! I have to invite her boyfriend because we're getting married in Jersey and they live in the UK and she's scared of flying and i'd feel harsh not to invite him (especially as she goes on about how wonderful he is all the time) she would actually hate me forever, i'm starting to think if she's behaving like this then maybe we're not 'friends' anymore but this has all happened since the wedding and weddings do seem to bring the worst out in everyone.... hmmm....

Now she is saying she will fly over the morning of the wedding!!! She did say "oh but if it's foggy that could be an issue"!!!! - We are getting married at 1pm!!! Don't need that kind of stress... i seem to be causing such an inconvenience... she had suggested I changed the date til school holidays so that she could come over the day before - and said it like it was actually doing me a favour to change the date ?!

I'm sure she just doesn't appreciate the stress involved and will understand when she gets married. She does keep telling me i don't have anything to plan now and that there's nothing to do until at the most 6 months before..... so obviously doesn't quite see why i even bother talking about it!

Hate confrontations otherwise i would consider sacking her - she hasn't even spoken to me recently (has been far too busy with her boyfriend) and has never once asked me how my H2B is or how I am (he is in the falklands for 4 and a half months with the RAF so you'd think she would make sure we were both ok....)

You may have read this in another of my posts but she also said she'd prefer to wear flip flops cos they're far more comfy and she went to a wedding where the bride did it so obviously that means it's fine!!

Sorry to ramble on... not lookin for replies just need to rant!!!! Wish I knew some young girls and then could have flower girls who would be far more excited about everything! xx

I can see why you need to rant, to be honest if she hasn't contacted you I wouldn't bother contacting her, might be the answer to all your problems!
She really doesn't sound like much of a friend, I think she's jealous to be honest.
Hope everything works out ok x

i'm having my three sisters as my bm's BUT when nikki who is making my flowers was at my house, my eldest sister TOLD ME that she was my CBM as she is the oldest and wanted more flowers in her bouquet than the other 2!!!! She hasn't done anything to sort out my hen night other than suggest going to the place that she did for hers!!!!When i told her i had been to try my dress on she said "Oh!" and carried on watching the tv!!!! Oh for the love of bm's who are also sisters!!!!! sorry to go on!!