Hi,

i have a massive dilemme and would like some advice.
My Mum and Dad split up when i was 15 and my Mum chose to marry my ex-boyfriend. We do not get on and I do not want to invite him to my wedding but my Mum insists that I need to be pleasant towards him so there isn't any awkwardness on the wedding day and I feel that this is really unfair. She has said if I don't invite him she won't come either and obviously i really want her to be there. I really dislike this guy and I feel i am being pushed into a corner and being forced to do something against my will when i don't think I should have to as it is my wedding day after all.

Any suggestions about what i can do?

Thanks,

Heather

Don't invite him i think your mum is out of line for being with your ex! Stand your ground huni, surely your mum wouldnt choose him over you?

eeeek what a tricky one!
I suppose really you can either stand ur ground and risk ur mum not coming... or back down and put him with him being there.
I totally agree that you shouldn't have to do anything ur uncomfortable with, and i think its unfair of ur mum to blackmail you into including him in your day.

Does he even want to come? Surely being part of your special day can't be top on his list of things to do if the situation is that awkward between you all? xxx

gosh what a dilemma heather. I am not surprised you don't get on with him. Could you explain to your mum that you will feel very awkward him being there on the day and that it will be easier for everyone if he isn't there? Either that or don't have either of them there! If she can't respect your wishes, - and lets face it she married your ex so has already shown you little respect (!) maybe you're better off not having her there at all if it going to stress you out on your wedding day.

It is your day, do it your way hun. X X

When I read the title I thought 'ha bet you' as we have a partner problem (say in a min) but you defo win. Sorry that sounds terrible but I don't mean it that way.

It's your wedding day and if you don't want him there then it's your choice. Your mother should respect that it's an unusal situation and not only that fact you don't want an ex at your wedding you don't like the person.

My MiL2b is a mistress. Her 'partner' is a married man and they have been having an affair for over 5 years. Everyone knows about it but I don't want him at our wedding as one I've only met him twice and both times didn't really talk and 2 some people wont know him an naturally assume his Dean father (his real dad died a few yrs ago) and I don't want that.

She threw a hisses fit when I said he isn't invited but it's tough as it's our day.

Well I don't think he really wants to come, I think the only reason he would be there is becuase he is my Mum's husband and she would expect him to acompany her to my wedding. It is so hard - I feel like I would be going against all my principles!! You would think she wouldn't choose himover me but she has done it before there is nothing to stop her doing it again. The other thing is that no one else in my family particularly likes him so the other difficult thing would be where to sit him - arrrggghh it just makes me so mad that I have to pay for someone to be there who I really don't want to invite. Do you reckon I could get her to buy the dress and then just invite her?

OMG what a difficult situation your in. I guess that you and your mum are ok with each other or is it still a difficult situation. I wouldnt invite him and as mrs hainestobe said if your mum wont respect your wishes dont have either there. Obviously I dont know the full story of your mum marring your ex bf but if she could do something like that then maybe your better off without either there (yes its prob water under the bridge and a long time ago but you dont like him). I dont know what I would do in a situation like this. Sorry cant help more.

Hello Mrs Goodfellow2B,

At the moment our situation is very strained because of all this - i did forgive the whole her leaving thing years ago but recently we have been struggling to get on and she allowed her husband (my ex) to get involved and through me out of her house when I tried to sort things out - another reason I do not like him! Things are ok now but I haven't spoken to him since this and she is usggesting that I extend the "olive branch" so to speak to prevent any awkwardness on the day. My H2B doesn't like him either but think I should try and keep the peace until she has bought my wedding dress and then only invite her not him - what do you think?

haha wait til she's bought the dress first then!!

I really don't think you should let her push you into it.
Its YOUR day, so you just have the people around you that love and care for you, that you want there to share in your special day.
Sounds like having him there will upset more than just you anyway so she's being unfair expecting you to work everything around their relationship..which I would imagine has caused enough grief in the past anyway (would have in my family if it was my mum and my ex!) xx

Hi Heather,

I have a similar situation, my Mum's husband attacked (held her by the throat and punched) my sister a few years back (completely unprovoked btw) and as such, quite rightly my sister has never spoken or seen him since and didn't invite him to her wedding last year. I get on with him ok, we don't really like him (me and my brothers & sisters call him d!ckhead) but he is always civil to me and h2b when we go round to Mums. I said that I am going to invite him and hope he doesn't turn up, the thing is if he does my Dad, Brothers and BIL will probablyknock him out!!!! I would really hope they would respect the day but think maybe not!! xx

I'd wait for the dress to arrive and make sure its in your name at the shop and not hers. Then just invite her, how dare she try and emotionally blackmail you, she's prob only doing it to maintain some control over you.
To be honest if she's not there, you may be sad but she'll regret it alot more when she see's you don't need her.

To be perfectly honest heatherp, I would do without her altogether! I wouldn't want a wedding dress from her I'd rather have a cheaper one paid for by myself! Only because I wouldn't want to feel 'in debt' to her, she may insist as she paid for an important part of your day that she has a say in who is invited. I think it is a recipe for a row if you do let her buy the dress and then put your foot down about her husband.

I do not think YOU should have to be the one to extend the olive branch - especially on a day as important as your wedding day you only want those who love and support you there!
Good luck x x

I'd be prepared for her to choose him over you. It's not up to you to extend an olive brach, you've done nothing wrong! I wouldn't want him there. Defo wait till she's bought the dress, and then don't mention it till the invites go out and only invite her. If she asks about it, say that only she is invited, but expect her to threaten to not come herself, and don't back down to blackmail!

lol wait for the dress then. i really cant understand some parents with their kids i really cant. My mother or Father would never ever try to take over my Wedding (they are still together btw) mum would never run away with an ex of mine or my sisters and would never expect this or that etc... i just cant understand some peoples parents. What kind of parents are they?

Yeah thats what a lot of other people have said, that she will regret being not being there more than I would regret not having her there. I just don't want to look back and think I wish my mum had been there, you know? She just isn't being very reasonable at the moment and of course it is all my fault. I really hate this situation so much.

When do you get married BTW

Anyway you can buy the dress yourself ? x

Just want to reiterate hun I would try to find another way to pay for the dress as it sounds very strained between you. I'm sure you wouldn't like to walk down the aisle wearing something knowing she 'paid' for it but didn't put you first enough to actually come if you gave her the ultimatum.

try not to think about how you will regret it if she's not there, you haven't done anything wrong, it is your mum's decision whether to come or not.
On your wedding day, your mum should be putting you first hun x x

Getting married next August (2009). Our budget is quite small (although we are saving frantically) so it would be really helpful if my Mum could buy my dress - one less thing to pay for.

posted at same time hun ^^

Yeah I know she should be putting me first but I doubt that will happen! I keep thinking am I being stupid and I should just invite him and be done with it and then I think that I shouldn't give in because I know I would be cross with myself.