The size and scale of your wedding will help you determine how many maids are appropriate and it is usual to choose from both sides of the family but don't feel pressurised into picking someone you don't want. Bridesmaids should help erase tension, not create it.
Grown up girls
Choose a friend who loves you (even when you're grumpy), someone who will be a fun (and honest) shopping partner and someone who will organise a great hen night. On the day you want a supportive shoulder to lean on, not a prima donna who is too busy flirting with the best man. Remember that being a bridesmaid is an excuse for your friends to dress up and enjoy your day but it is also a big responsibility so don't be offended if someone turns down your offer. It's probably nothing personal - your friend may just not fancy the pressure of being centre stage. Discuss with each maid what you think her responsibilities should be. Some friends may be happier with a smaller or less traditional role. You could even think about splitting tasks between several friends so that one person doesn't have to do everything. If you know a particular sister or friend will be miserable stuck on display in a big dress, consider asking her to act as a behind-the-scenes supporter instead.
Young helpers
Tiny flowergirls will definitely add to the cute factor but can also add to your stress levels. Spend lots of time with them before the ceremony explaining what they'll do and make it all sound as much fun as possible. Children are unpredictable by nature so you'll have to expect surprises. Face the possibility that young maids may cry, run down the aisle, refuse to join the bridal procession or make an unscheduled speech during your vows. Kids will be kids so nominate an older maid to keep an eye on each youngster and stay relaxed.
Who chooses and who pays?
Within reason your maids should accept what you want them to wear. Compromise and let them be involved in choosing their dresses. You want them to be comfortable and to feel pretty so if you have more than one grown-up maid, remember that not every style suits every figure or complexion. It is quite fashionable today for maids not to wear exactly the same dress, so consider choosing a colour theme, then asking each maid to select her own dress in that colour Or choose one dress size and invite each maid to wear it in a slightly different colour. Traditionally the bridesmaids' parents paid for the outfits, but these days most adult bridesmaids tend to pay for everything themselves, especially if they are having a say in what is chosen.
Photo www.lovegroveweddings.com
