Why the unofficial promises you make on your wedding day can be just as important as the legal ones
When Jennifer Aniston married Brad Pitt she promised to make his favourite banana milkshake for him every day, while he vowed to ‘split the difference on the thermostat'. Not your traditional vows admittedly - and quite a long way from love, honour and obey - but what Brad and Jen seem to have taken on board is just how damaging those little niggles can be.
And they're not the first to realise what it takes to make a marriage work. In 1958, one of Hollywood's longest-serving married couples Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman included a reading from The Art of Marriage in their ceremony.
"The little things are the big things. It is remembering to say ‘I love you' at least once a day. It is at no time taking the other for granted. It is not looking for perfection each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding a sense of humour. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow"
Couples in the UK cannot stray as far from the legal ceremony as the Americans but you do have a bit of leeway with civil vows and there's nothing to stop you coming up with unofficial vows to set ground rules for your life together.
"These days, more and more couples are coming up with creative ideas for civil wedding vows," says Gillian Walton from Relationship Counselling for London (020 7580 1087). "While the current Church of England marriage service includes a great many promises, couples marrying in a civil ceremony might want to expand on the civil vows, which are quite short."
There are other way to share your emotions and commitment with each other. Some couples exchange letters on the wedding morning, which is a lovely way to share your hopes for married life. Or you may want to wait until you're relaxing on your honeymoon to share these personal vows.
I Promise to Love, Honour and...
Never to go to bed angry. Thinking things through stops distance creeping into your relationship.
Fight fair at all times. No matter how heated the arguments up to now, make a vow that future fights will be civilised.
Pay attention to you. To keep your marriage strong, it's vital to appreciate each other - and to show it, so your spouse won't feel abandoned and look for love elsewhere.
Do my share of the housework. It's the little niggles that can drive couples apart - and drive them mad. Discuss the best way to divide up the chores.
Value our sex life. You needn't make a specific vow about frequency or duration, but a promise to make sex a high priority in your marriage will serve you well.
