It shouldn't happen to a bride

Horsing around
A bride in Dudley, West Midlands, decided it was imperative she arrive at the wedding on a mighty stallion, despite the fact that she had never ridden a horse in her life. Inevitably, as they came to a halt outside the church, the animal reared up, threw the shocked bride to the ground and, as she lay there, dumped its own pungent wedding gift onto the train of her ornate dress.

Surf's up
A bride and groom in California, USA, decided to pledge their troths in a New Age ceremony on a beautiful local beach at sunrise. Having chosen the spot, they turned up to marry in matching kaftans, convinced that they had a special and spiritual day ahead of them. Sadly, the dippy couple had forgotten to check the schedule of high and low tides and as they recited their vows by the ocean, a freak wave crashed over the wedding party and deposited the bride, the groom and even the priest on their backsides in the sand.

Driven to distraction
One bride will never forget the indignity of the photos taken just before her church ceremony. Radiant in a dress with a very long train, she climbed out of her car and posed happily for the cameras. Her chauffeur got out behind her, slammed the door - but didn't notice he'd trapped her train in it. He drove off at quite a considerable speed with the shocked bride-to-be bouncing down the road behind him on her backside with her guests in hot pursuit.

Tongue-tied
A registrar with a stutter had a difficult time at a wedding in south London. The groom's name of John William Florin caused him few problems, but the bride's name - Nadezda Victorovna Kazachkova - certainly did. By the time the hapless officiant had stammered through the ceremony, it looked like it would gain entry in the Guinness Book Of Records for the longest wedding ever.

Ring in the new
When the organist failed to put in an appearance for the wedding of Terry Moore and Sharon Pearson in Merthyr Tydfil, a guest offered his mobile phone, which had ‘Here Comes The Bride' as a ringtone option. The quick-thinking vicar handed him a microphone, someone rang his number and the phone's tinny signature tune echoed around the church as Sharon sauntered down the aisle amid howls of laughter.

Tummy trouble
Jim and Donna Smith enjoyed a picturebook wedding and reception in Aberdeen. But when they boarded the plane for their honeymoon the next day, poor Jim projectile-vomited all over himself and his horrified bride. Meanwhile, back in Scotland, the best man was deathly ill, and more than 100 of the guests had to seek urgent medical treatment for debilitating stomach upsets. When the couple returned home, they were shocked to find their wedding the subject of a lurid front-page story in the local paper. Health inspectors cleared the catering firm and blamed a mystery virus.

The wrong trousers
A groom in Leeds was somewhat overweight. A combination of nerves and sweltering heat meant he was perspiring profusely as he married his childhood sweetheart. As his best man passed him the ring to place on his bride's finger, it slipped out of his sweaty grasp and clattered to the floor. When he bent down to retrieve it, he was horrified to hear a loud ripping noise, followed by raucous laughter as his over-stretched trousers ripped.

Upwardly mobile
At Geoff Grant and Shirley Long's wedding there was a different kind of ring. They were working on a major theatre production at the time and Geoff took his mobile to the church, just in case something went wrong on the morning. He'd arranged to hand the phone over to his sister, but forgot to do it. As the couple exchanged their vows, a phone rang, but it took Geoff a moment to realise it was his mobile. The priest halted the service and waited patiently as Geoff wrestled with his jacket, pulled out the offending phone and passed it to his sister. Shirley whispered to him "You're dead", but she's since forgiven him!

Flash in the pants
A pastor in the state of Iowa, USA, decided, due to the steaming hot day, to wear only pants under his floor-length cassock. However, the bride's father arrived early and set up two huge pedestal fans right next to the altar. As the priest descended the stairs at the front of the church, a gust of air blew his robe up around his chest.

Just a little hitch
A bride in Mexico was dismayed when the limousine carrying her and her new husband overheated en route to the reception during a sweltering hot day. Undeterred, and determined not to miss a moment of her own party, she hopped on to the side of the road and started trying to flag down passing motorists. The driver of another limousine, heading the other way down the highway, was so perplexed to see a bride in full regalia thumbing a lift that he turned around, picked the wedding party up and transported them to their destination.

Fender bender
As a procession of wedding cars made its way from the ceremony to the reception in Stuttgart, Germany, the bride's bouquet fell from the bonnet of the front car. The vehicle immediately behind braked hard to avoid it, and caused a five-car pile-up of guests' cars. The damage ran to in excess of £20,000.

Whoa, Nellie!
Disaster struck a wedding in Germany when the horse-drawn carriage carrying the happy couple overturned. One of the horses pulling the carriage took fright and began to canter, pitching the carriage onto its side and trapping the newlyweds, who had to be freed by paramedics who arrived by helicopter. The bride had broken ribs and spent her wedding
night in hospital.

Petal pusher
At a wedding party in London, the bride tossed her bridal bouquet over her shoulder to be caught by female guests keen to be the next to wed. She threw the bouquet so high that it flew right up into the rotating ceiling fan, ensuring that every woman in the room - and most men, too - landed at least a petal.

Kick up your heels
Shona McKenzie of Inverurie, Aberdeenshire, and her partner Ally celebrated at their reception with some particularly vigorous highland dancing. Her high kicks led to a ruptured Achilles tendon, several weeks in plaster and the cancellation of their honeymoon cruise.

Surprise!
A bride from Cleveland, Ohio, USA, awoke on her wedding day to discover that it was raining heavily. Disappointed, she decided to fly in the face of tradition and pay an unexpected wedding-day visit to her husband-to-be so he could cheer her up. She slipped into his hotel room to find him lying in bed with the naked chief bridesmaid.

Making a splash
At a wedding reception at a hotel in Derby, a very drunken bridesmaid decided to go for a swim in the residents' pool. Even more bizarrely, she decided to do it in the nude. After guests complained to the hotel manager, she was delivered in disgrace back to the party.

The earth moved
A bride in California, USA, was surprised to find her fiancé knocking on the door of her church dressing room on their wedding day. She declared it was bad luck see each other before the wedding and at first she refused to open the door, but then the ground began to rumble and he burst in, explaining that an earthquake was beginning. They hid under a table then escaped outside and watched, transfixed, as the church spire came crashing to the ground.

Stag blight
A wedding in Chile was cancelled after the groom set out on an extraordinary bender of a stag night that ended with him hospitalised for three weeks. He drank so much he lapsed into a coma. The big day was postponed - indefinitely.

Second time lucky
Finally, you wouldn't exactly expect Prince of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne's wedding to his new bride Sharon to be a conventional affair - and it wasn't. After they tied the knot in Hawaii in the early 1980s, Ozzy hit the bar and stayed long after Sharon had retired for the night. He finally fell asleep on the floor of the hotel lobby, leaving his bride to spend her wedding night alone. Twenty years later and with Ozzy having cleaned up his act, the couple renewed their vows and this time, the star never left his wife's side.

Stories taken from Weddings From Hell (£4.99, Granada Media).

Start a discussion :: Print this article ::