Every wedding is an occasion for romance and joy. Whether it's your second marriage or your groom's - or even the second time for both of you - you still deserve to have a beautiful, exciting and meaningful wedding day. The biggest question second-time brides have is, "Can I have a big white wedding?" Of course you can! The etiquette for second marriages is more flexible than ever.Your celebration can be as lavish or as low-key as you like. With a second marriage you have the advantage of experience and perspective. Was your first wedding too big or too small? Was your dress a fashion disaster? Now you have the chance to do it all over again, but this time you'll get everything perfect - especially your choice of Mr Right!
Me first!
If it's the second marriage for one of you, but the other is a first-time bride or groom, be careful that the first-timer doesn't feel cheated of their dream wedding. If it's the bride's first wedding and the groom's second, she should ask him how he feels about doing it all again. Is he wary of an elaborate wedding or quite content to go along with your dreams and pull out all the stops? Sometimes you may both need to compromise a bit to ensure everyone's happy with the plans.
All dressed in white?
A major worry for second-time brides is what to wear. Again, the rules aren't set in stone. When planning your outfit, use the time of day, the venue, your age and the season to help guide you as you shop for dresses. Ultimately the choice is up to you, but many second-time brides exchange the long train, veil and embellished ball gown for a more understated look. You needn't be dowdy - for a sophisticated look think glamorous dress, sparkly tiara or polished two-piece suit. Some second-time brides long for the fairytale princess look, especially if they didn't get their dream dress first time around. Ask your best friends for a second opinion, and if they agree it's right for you, go for it!
Money matters
The question of who pays the bills for a second wedding can be quite complex. As with a first wedding, those who want to contribute to the budget can. So if either set of parents is happy to put some money in the kitty, let them know they're certainly welcome. If the couple are older or the parents' piggy bank is still recovering from the first wedding, the bride and groom tend to cover many of the expenses themselves. That doesn't stop them from having a great day. Often because they are older, they have more financial savvy as well as a bigger bank account than they did when they were 20.
Beyond belief
If you want a church wedding but one of you is divorced, be prepared for the possibility of making alternative plans. The Church of England is in the process of reviewing its stance on remarriage. The official position is still that divorced people cannot marry in church, though each individual vicar has a certain degree of discretion on the matter. At the moment it can be frustrating if your vicar won't allow you to marry in church but the one in the next parish will. The review will create a more consistent framework for how second marriages are dealt with. If your vicar won't allow a church wedding, you can ask for a service of blessing following a civil ceremony. Your vicar is not required to comply, but many will. Even if you're not allowed a church wedding or blessing, you still have a choice. You can marry at a register office or choose from thousands of great civil venues across the country.
The ceremony
When planning your ceremony, you may want to change certain things slightly from the first time around. If it's the bride's second wedding she is perfectly entitled to be given away by her father again, but she may want to delete the "Who gives this woman?" portion of the ceremony, or change it to "Who supports this woman in marriage?" If she doesn't want to mirror events from the first wedding or wants to reflect her status as an independent adult, she might choose instead to walk down the aisle with her fiancé, with her children or on her own.
Party time
At the reception, you're free to keep, alter or dispense with the usual customs. You can have a traditional receiving line with the parents and the wedding party or the couple alone can act as hosts and greet guests on their arrival. Seat the entire wedding party and parents at the top table or reserve it for just the bride and groom and their children. After dinner, you're free to have all the traditional toasts or to keep it short and sweet with speeches only from the bride and groom. And you're certainly entitled to a delicious wedding cake, whether it's a four-tier sensation or a more unusual style. The first dance is an old custom everyone loves.
Present tense
Second-time brides and grooms may be unsure about whether to register for gifts. People will still want to buy you presents, and it never hurts to have a list available for guests to refer to, but you might not want to include the information in your invitations.
Photo www.lovegroveweddings.com
