A civil wedding ceremony allows you the freedom to write your own vows
With the growth of approved premises licensed to hold weddings, the modern civil ceremony has far more scope (and time) to allow couples to express their own thoughts and emotions in the form of writing their own vows.
Obviously there are the statutory declarations that you must still repeat. That is to:
‘...Solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, (name), may not be joined in matrimony to (name)'
However, aside from this, and calling upon those present to witness your vows, you can work with your registrar to create your own additional wording, either borrowing from age-old vows and from other cultures, by using poetry, quotations or philosophy or by simply by writing down how you feel.
This Vows & Readings section of the website has collated lots of popular verse, poetry and proverbs to give you inspiration or you can go into any library or bookshop and find shelves of books of poetry and philosophy to set you on your way. But before you commit your inner most feelings to paper, read of these tried and tested tips:
Be sincere rather than overly sentimental. Your guests want to feel elated - not embarrassed.
Use some humour if it is in your nature to be jokers, but clear any witty quotations or remarks with your registrar first. While they may appreciate your sense of fun, this is still a solemn occasion and a legal act.
Buy yourselves a thesaurus to give yourselves as much choice of wording as possible. For instance ‘pledge' and ‘promise' can be interchangeable, as can ‘endeavour' and ‘try'.
If you don't know where to start, write each other a letter detailing why you are so happy to be getting married. Don't think about the phrasing, just write from the heart and see what themes emerge.
Try to focus on the future and how you will grow together and bring in the themes of support, sharing and companionship as well as love and fidelity.
If one or both of you has children, try to include them in the vows as a sign of your new family unit.
Getting started In the same way that it's sometimes hard to know how to begin a letter, the same goes for writing wedding vows. The biggest hurdle is getting started: even if you go on to edit or change your words later. Here are a few suggested openings:
"XXX, I marry you today to love, honour and cherish ... (insert your own sentiments)
"Today I, XXX, take you XXX as my husband, friend and partner for life....
"From today and ever more I promise you love and support, friendship and loyalty...
"XXX, I make these faithful vows today, in the presence of our friends and family...
Useful vocabulary Traditional vows use words such as ‘love' and ‘honour' for good reason - because they sum up the sentiment of the day. However, don't feel you need to limit yourself to these terms. There are plenty of others that suit the occasion:
