1. "So, are you going to start trying for a baby on honeymoon?"
Variations on this include: "Are you planning on getting pregnant straight after the wedding?" and "You should probably start trying for a baby now in case it takes you a while to conceive". Could they be more intrusive?
2. "I think it's stupid to spend loads of money when it's just one day - you should save up for a house deposit instead."
Because there's nothing more endearing than having people telling you how you should spend your hard-earned cash.
3. "Aren't you a bit young/old to be getting married?"
We know, we're just hoping no one calls the Wedding Police.
4. "Oh, that's a nice proposal story. When my husband proposed, he jumped out of a helicopter without a parachute wearing a tuxedo, landed at my feet, then presented me with a ring while a gospel choir suddenly appeared and started performing our favourite song."
Why is this a competition?!
5. "But the bride has to wear white, it's tradition!"
Actually, this only became popular in the 19th century, after Queen Victoria wore a white lace gown at her wedding. But putting that aside, it's surprising how worked up people can get if you decide not to do something they think of as an important tradition, like having a fruit cake, or avoiding seeing each other on the wedding morning. It's your day, your way.
6. "Make sure you give me plenty of notice so I can put your wedding date in my calendar."
Always said by someone you weren't planning on inviting.
7. "Another chocolate? I thought you'd be on a wedding diet."
It's usually engaged women who get this - why assume that getting engaged equals a strict diet and exercise regime?
8. "My children are going to be invited, aren't they?"
Not if you're having an adult-only wedding!
9. "I can't imagine only sleeping with the same person for the rest of my life."
Ok. But the two of you can, so that's not really relevant.
10. "I sent you the name of the photographer/cake maker/dress boutique we used - why are you having someone else?"
It's lovely to have advice and suggestions when you're planning, but people need to remember that you want your own wedding, not a re-run of theirs.
11. "It's just a piece of paper!"
"You're right - what were we thinking? We'll cancel the whole thing immediately."
12. "Are you really sure about this?"
Fine from a close friend or family member who has your best interests at heart, and who asks when it's just the two of you. From anyone else? Not cool.
13. "The best wedding I ever went to had a bouncy castle/fireworks/street food trucks. You should definitely have that."
Always fun to hear when it's something you don't want or can't afford.
14. "How did you get him to propose?"
Variation: "Oh, he finally proposed! You must be so relieved." Some people assume that one half of an engaged couple (usually the woman, if it's a heterosexual couple) was much more keen to get married than the other, and that they somehow had to be force their partner to agree to get married. It's insulting to both of you: the supposedly more keen one is basically being painted as a swivel-eyed desperado; the less keen one as a weakling who has to do as they're told. This is a relationship, not a hostage situation.
15. "I'd never have thought you'd go for that style of engagement ring."
"Good thing it wasn't you who proposed to me, then."
16. "Who else is going to be bridesmaid?"
Who... else? It's supremely awkward when someone assumes they're going to be in the wedding party, when you weren't even sure they'd make it onto the guest list.
17. "Have you booked the venue yet?"
Maybe you want a long engagement; maybe you just haven't felt like getting on with the planning; maybe you only got engaged yesterday. Well-meaning as it might be, a constant barrage of questions about your wedding plans can make you feel under pressure.
And unfortunately, it doesn't stop when you tie the knot - there are at least 17 annoying things people say to newlyweds, too!