We know, we know, getting engaged is all about the promise to spend the rest of your lives together, not elaborate proposals or the most expensive engagement ring, but let’s face it, the ring is important. After all, you will (hopefully) be wearing it for many years to come.
So, what do you do if you end up with an engagement ring that you simply do not like? Whether he’s gone for gold and you only ever wear silver or he’s bought you a huge showy diamond and you’re more of a vintage engagement ring kind of girl, it’s a less than ideal situation to have to tell your other half you don’t like the engagement ring he picked out.
We’ve come up with some ideas to make the situation a little less horrible for both you and your fiancé if you find yourself in this unpleasant situation.
How to bring it up
If you’re absolutely certain your rock isn’t the right ring for you, bring it up with your fiancé in private.
Avoid mentioning you don’t like it in front of friends or family; not only because you may embarrass him, but also because they may have helped him pick it out – you don’t want to be stuck in a more awkward situation than you’re already in.
Be sure to reiterate just how thrilled you are that the two of you are going to be husband and wife, and praise the positive aspects – you love how he proposed, and the diamond itself is beautiful, but this ring just isn’t quite right for you.
When to bring it up
It’s best to tell him as soon as possible that you aren’t keen on your engagement ring, rather than letting it fester, or pretending you love it.
Mention that you’re not wild about the ring during a loving time – perhaps after you’ve had a romantic meal together at home, or simply snuggling and watching telly. Make sure not to bring up the issue in the midst of an argument as in the heat of the moment you could end up being more vicious than intended and hurting his feelings.
It’s a sensitive subject so be sure to acknowledge the thought that went into him choosing the ring.
What to suggest
Rather than simply saying you don’t like the ring, offer up solutions for what you could do to remedy the situation; check if the shop he bought the ring from offers exchanges or refunds, or raise the idea of keeping the diamond itself, but having the ring remodeled into a shape you prefer.
Suggest going shopping for a ring together – it’s a fun experience to do as a couple and will banish any bad feeling about your dislike of the first ring.
When you’re browsing the shops for your new ring, be sure to take his opinions into consideration – just because the first ring he chose wasn’t up your street doesn’t mean his taste is completely at odds with yours. Make sure he feels included and like he has a say in the ring, it’s him parting with the cash after all.
Avoid embarrassing him
We know you’re super excited about announcing your engagement to the world, but if you don’t like your ring, we’d advise holding your horses, especially if you’re hoping to change it.
If everyone saw you were wearing a different engagement ring to the one you initially shared on social media it would raise questions and might end up in you embarrassing him by revealing him you didn’t like his choice.
For the meantime, enjoy your happiness in private until you’re ready to show off your ring to your nearest and dearest (and your 400 Facebook friends!)
What if it’s an heirloom?
If the ring he proposed with is a family heirloom, you need to tread especially carefully. You don’t want to offend your future mother-in-law by admitting you don’t like her great, great grandmother’s ring.
In this situation, rather than saying outright that you don’t like the ring, a little white lie might be in order. Possibly say you’re uncomfortable wearing such a sentimental piece of jewellery for fear of losing it, so perhaps buying a new ring would be better.
If you believe honesty is the best policy, you could admit that while the ring is beautiful, it really isn’t your style, or doesn’t complement the rest of the jewellery you wear on a day-to-day basis.
Learn to love it
If you’re just too worried about hurting his feelings, you could keep the ring and learn to love it for what it symbolises and the effort he put into choosing it.
Sure, he didn’t pick up your hints about the perfect engagement ring, but he tried his best to choose something he thought you’d love. Some women choose to stop wearing their engagement ring once they’ve got a wedding band on their finger, so let him know this is what you intend, and just keep your engagement ring in a safe place as a reminder of a great period of your lives together.