Q: Some of our guests have received a card through the door saying they need to pick up our invitation at the post office and pay £1.10 because of insufficient postage. I’ve had to send an apology to everyone saying I’ll give them their money back. It’s so embarrassing! Claire, Surrey

A: Trust us, you’re not alone. We’ve been hearing from a lot of brides about their stamp-related stress and so we decided to take the matter straight to Royal Mail. As it turns out, it’s not just the weight of your invite that matters, but size and shape too – and even a small embellishment, like a ribbon attached to your envelopes, can bump up the amount of postage required. “The clearest advice we would give is to prepare the envelope exactly as it’s going to be sent” – with all enclosures and decorations – “and put it through the postage-guide template at the post office,” a spokesperson tells us. “It must drop in easily and freely.” Translation: if you have to shove it through the slot, you could encounter delivery problems. In terms of making it up to guests who’ve had to pay up (the £1.10 represents the additional postage plus a £1 admin fee), wedding stationer Charlotte Hewson of chartula.co.uk has a few suggestions. “If your budget allows, you can post a pretty note card with a cheque for the amount they paid. If your wedding is more relaxed and mostly close friends and family, turn it into a little joke and display a bowl of coins on the day where they can help themselves to their postage fee,” she says. “But honestly, most people will not be concerned about the actual cost, so just a nice personal phone call to apologise is really all you need.”

Q: The wedding coordinators at our venue have really gone above and beyond the call of duty to make our day special and I want to get them something to say thank you. What’s appropriate? Kimberley, Norwich

A: Because we’re talking about a paid-for service – however exceptional – a gift is certainly not expected. “Most suppliers would be delighted to receive a lovely handwritten thank-you note, and recommendations and feedback are also a great way to show you’ve valued their work,” says wedding planner Hannah Gooch of theeburycollection.com. Still, if you feel truly moved to pass along a little something special, classics like a bottle of champagne, quality chocolates, a beautiful bouquet or designer biscuits would certainly not go amiss.

Q: I have no idea where to start with the dreaded seating plan. My fiancé’s parents are divorced, I don’t know if we should seat our two best men (both married with young children) at the top table or with their families, and I’m not sure whether to put people with guests they know or try to mingle people. I’m toying with just having everyone pull a number out of a hat on the day so they can’t blame us! Laura, Halifax

A: Before you resort to a lucky dip to dodge the drama, consider dropping the traditional top table. “Have three top tables instead, one hosted by each of your fiancé’s parents and the third hosted by your parents,” suggests Elizabeth Wyse, etiquette expert at debretts.com. You and your groom can then choose to sit with your maids and ushers (along with the best men’s families) or at a sweetheart table for two. As for the general guest list, mixing up different groups can help get people mingling – but keep a few rules of thumb in mind. “Arrange tables so that everyone recognises at least one other person, do your best to alternate sexes, and try to match generations,” Elizabeth advises. And don’t get carried away by the urge to merge complete strangers. “It’s much kinder to seat couples next to each other at a table, and keep like-minded people together as much as possible,” adds planner Hannah.

Q: My bridesmaids, who are long-term friends, haven’t shown much interest in the wedding. I even had to bring up the subject of the hen do myself, and they all seemed reluctant to help organise it. I’ve made a lot of effort to choose lovely dresses for the girls, so I’m feeling really let down. Am I supposed to plan the party on my own? Anna, Edinburgh

A: In the midst of big-day mania it’s tough to remember that your maids, much as they love you, aren’t living and breathing the wedding plans with the same intensity you are, so try to give them the benefit of the doubt. “It may be that they want to help but aren’t aware of your expectations – especially if they’re unmarried and don’t know how much work goes into planning a wedding,” says Hannah. Hopefully they just need a bit of a nudge, so tell them how excited you are to celebrate with them and try to get a hen brainstorming session started (while slipping in a few questions about their lives, too). But if you do get the feeling they’re deliberately shirking their duties, it’s time for a heart-to-heart. In the most non-accusatory tone, let them know how they’ve made you feel and ask what else you can do to help them feel more involved. Confronting the problem now means you’ll be able to party like the best mates you are on the big day.

Words by Julia Scirrotto