This Bride Sacked all her Bridesmaids and Uninvited them to her Wedding, but Whose Side are you on?

If your bridesmaids behaved like this would you let it slide or give them a piece of your mind?

We’ve heard our fair share of stories about terrible bridesmaids, and normally we’re pretty unanimous that the bridesmaid is in the wrong, but one story has divided the You and Your Wedding team and we just can’t work out who’s in the wrong; the bride or the bridesmaids. 

The 21-year-old bride took to reddit to vent her frustration, posting the below. Take a read and let us know what you think.

Dresses courtesy of Alfred Angelo
Dresses courtesy of Alfred Angelo

“I've had the same small group of friends since middle school. Lately we'd been growing apart, but I figured that was just due to college, work, etc. We still talked all the time. 

I'm the first person in our group to get engaged, and I was really excited to do all the fun bridesmaids things with them. They didn't seem to be excited for me, but I figured it was just because they were busy. 

I'll be honest that my friends had always been kind of flakey.

But it’s come to a head when planning my wedding. I tried to get them to come to an engagement party, but only my fiancé’s friends showed up. I tried to get them to throw me a bridal shower, but they didn't, and my mother and aunts ended up being the ones to throw it.

READ MORE: How to throw the ultimate bridal shower 

I tried to get them to come to my bachelorette party, but my sister/maid-of-honor told me that they weren't really communicating with her on it. Which is twice as heart-breaking because they are bride's maids.

The final straw was when I asked them go dress shopping with me. I told them I really needed them to be a part of this with me and we all agreed on a day to do it. Fast forward to that day and they all cancel on me. One of them doing so an hour before my appointment. I asked my mom to come with me and sister at the last minute, and it was a nice time, but I really wanted my friends with me. 

READ MORE: 9 things you need to know before wedding dress shopping

I talked with my fiancé about it, and we both decided that we wouldn't have anyone in the wedding party besides us and the officiant. His groomsmen were fine with that. (No suits or dresses had been purchased yet, thankfully) My friends were indifferent."

Dresses courtesy of Maids to Measure
Dresses courtesy of Maids to Measure

"That's when I finally broke. I was so mad that they weren't even the slightest bit disappointed in not being my bridal party. I sent them a message in our group chat basically saying 'since you don't seem to care, I'll take you off the invitations."'

After a couple of days of them freaking out over text and me not answering their texts, I cooled down and realized that I had basically un-invited my only friends from my wedding. 

I feel terrible. I want to re-invite them and make amends, but I'm afraid it'll just be another cycle until I snap again. I don't want our group that has been together for almost a decade to be broken up because I had a tantrum. 

I asked my sister and she said to ditch them. But as I speak they are trying to scramble together a bachelorette party for me, and swearing that they'll make it up to me. The wedding is still a little bit away so there's still time to fix everything and even had a wedding party, but I'm sure if I should do that now. 

I’m at a loss and I don't know if I was justified in doing what I did, or if I was just being childish.” 

In some ways, she’s totally justified to sack them all as bridesmaids (we’ve heard brides strip people of their roles for much less!) but maybe uninviting her closest friends to her wedding is a step too far… after all, they are very young and maybe they didn’t know who was supposed to organise the bridal shower… 

What do you think?

Comments

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Maria109

19/08/2017 at 13:38

True friends would not have behaved like that, they should have been excited & at the very least shown some enthusiasm! The Bride is totally right to sack them! I think it's a little too late now to make amends...that ships sailed!

sugarmouse

22/04/2017 at 23:03

The bride was right to ditch them. They clearly weren't the tiniest bit interested. Yes everyone has their own lives to lead but your bridesmaids should be someone who is happy for you. If they do make a mends then by all means reconsider letting them come to the wedding but not in the bridal party, that ship has sailed.

Mimi8

21/03/2017 at 09:35

Life Is short , they are promising to make it up to you and I think you want them with you , so clear the air and get on with enjoying the wedding . Might be an idea to get their input about what they think their told is and what they feel able to offer

Pinguin

20/03/2017 at 09:27

bridesmaids dont have to do any of those things... her expectations are too high, its HER wedding and HER job to organise it including picking a dress, engagement parties are for families offical meeting not friends and no-one is owed being thrown a shower/party - honestly they all sound too young to be getting married if they still live in such a fantasy land and throw tantrums

Natisha3

19/03/2017 at 14:37

I agree with taking them off as bridesmaids! Ian a bride myself and getting married in April 2017 and my bridesmaid have been exactly the same way..... I can't get them together and they cancel or just don't show up at all..... I even confronted one about it and her exact words to me were.... well life is life and we all have other priorities our life doesn't revolve around your wedding.... as much as I would love to slap her. I kicked her out of the activities as well but she is still invited. I have learned that a bridesmaid label and role is not meant for everyone.... my friends as well are flakey! If you do decide to have a wedding party choose people u can trust and depend on.... not because they are your friends today they will be a great bridesmaid I have learned that one the hard way.... I know now we're I stand in there friend chart. And I will not depend in her ever again. I deff feel your frustrations. I have done most of everything with my mom and other friends.

Lindsay46

19/03/2017 at 08:48

Totally justified. It seems that only now they're trying to organise your bachelorette party as a way to worm their way back in. They had a chance before. Age has nothing to do with their ignorance; everyone knows what events need organising. I was in a similar situation myself but ended up picking the best 2 bridesmaids that anyone could ever ask for, but one had been my friend from 4 years old. I'd originally had planned to ask 2 more, also from school but we'd grown apart and especially in my job I've had to grow up but they still haven't. You have who you want to have to make your day special. My 2 friends were wonderful and such true and genuine people, they gave me the advice I needed. If you do pick them and they are in your wedding, then afterwards they may drift off again; they'll be in your wedding photos and you'll always regret not doing what you wanted! It's your wedding so don't worry. You'll make new friends; I have!

Samantha105

17/03/2017 at 09:15

I'd be exactly the same tbh. Although I do worry that my bridesmaids might get bored of me talking about my wedding they continue to show an interest and are excited. My wedding isn't until October 2018 but my MOHs are already talking about my hen do, and dress shopping and stuff like that. I do think it does depend on what you as the bride expect from your bridesmaids, for example, I am a bridesmaid for my sister in September and she's not really needed or asked for any help, but I've still been available should she need me. On the other hand, I have 8 bridesmaids so I'm not looking to take them all wedding dress shopping with me as I don't want too many differing opinions. But If I'd tried to contact my bridesmaids or invited them to an event or whatever and all I'd received in return is radio silence and last minute cancellations I'd just assume that they aren't really bothered about it anyway. Completely justified in my opinion!

Jessica266

16/03/2017 at 23:29

Completely justified!!! At the end of the day it is your special day and they are behaving like children, regardless of how old they are, I'm 21 and newly engaged but my friend who when the time comes may be my maid of honour is always sending me ideas and talking to me about before I even mention it, and she's half a year younger than me... I definitely would not have them as bridesmaids, to be honest I would still be reluctant to invite them, but as they are your only friends you could still invite them to the wedding - then it's just down to deciding whether you want them there all day or just the evening, yoy do not want people around you who are going to make the day about themselves. Xxx

Anita37

16/03/2017 at 21:21

Too little, too late I reckon! They had their opportunity and now they're scrambling to suck up because they don't want to miss out on a great day and want to wear expensive dresses (that they're probably not paying for) and making no effort to help the bride feel special, ok, I think it's a little too expectant to try and entice them to throw a bridal shower but they should have at least turned up to the party and dress appointment. Show some willing, ditch the lot, ask your sister since she seems to be the one genuinely there. It wasn't a tantrum because it was 90% justified that they were so unenthusiastic when it counted. Just my two cents :) happy engagement!

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