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Katie’s Long-Distance Wedding

Wedding hair crises and the future with UH

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Katie Real Brides Blog Ultimate Hero 10 Years Earlier

Katie, 33, is in PR, while her ex-soldier H2B Ultimate Hero (UH), 38, is a close protection bodyguard. She will be sharing her wedding diary with us in the countdown to her big day on April 30, 2011.

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Well brides, I am going into my second week minus the hero, and I must thank the many friends of both UH and me that have rallied to show their support!

One of my bridesmaids made me a collage; an intricately designed piece of work that showcased other heroes, including Wolverine, Superman, The Goodies,
Iron Man and Jack from Lost, among others. She thought these fictitious heroes would be a good substitute; they weren’t, but I really, really love her for trying!

One of our ushers took me for lunch on Saturday after I discovered that my bridal hairstylist was already booked on the day of my wedding; after I had a cut and blow-dry and a full bridal consult.

Then Oracle Nomad pitched up to London and took my brother and me out for a very posh meal. Our dinner was accompanied by his many tales, including of he and UH in Thailand watching a snake-milking show, when right in the midst of the venom pouring out UH used a stick to mimic a snake crawling up Oracle’s leg! He also told us about his dream to build houses out of sandbags. My brother is now booked on a sandbag-house course in the States so he and the Nomad can build cities out of sand!

It was a highly reflective weekend in fact. When I got to the Norfolk house on Friday I was struck by this photo of UH that I found, circa 2000. Now, I am not sure whether it was because it was 1.30am after a long and emotionally draining week, but it was quite an epic experience. I had two very weird but equally powerful thoughts:

  1. How different would my life have been had I met UH 10 years ago?
  2. In 25 years there is a chance I could have a son that looks just like this.

I discussed these ideas at length with an old school-friend over a long and overly abundant lunch on Sunday. UH is adamant that we met at the right time. His best man’s wife recalls what UH was like 10 years ago: “Oh Katie, he was horrendous. He was so good-looking and it made him really arrogant. He thought he was invincible and used to party like an animal.”

This is clearly not the UH of today. Those 10 years ago I was working in fashion editorial, spending all my time trying to make my High Street clothes look designer so I could blend in with the perfectly dressed and immaculately beautiful girls on the Sydney media scene. Had the hero and I met then it never would have worked. We most likely would have hated each other, although I probably would have spent a great deal of time wondering what he looked like with his shirt off and whether or not he had well-defined calf muscles.

I also wouldn’t have my eclectic portfolio of past relationships under my belt. And how eclectic they are. I once had this mad thought: if you put all of my ex-boyfriends on an island together, what would happen? There are a couple of rugby players in the mix, so they might shimmy up the trees to get the coconuts. The magazine editor might write messages in the sand for any prospective planes flying overhead. The doctor would be able to attend to any injury or illness. The underground criminal operator may start trading personal effects. And the bus driver? Well, I’m not sure what he would do as I only went out with him because he looked like Micheal Madsen from Kill Bill 2; so I suppose he would just have to lounge about pretending he was on a film set.

What they have collectively taught me is what I really want. When UH and I first got together he said, rather than selling out and getting married because everyone else was, he was determined to find the right woman, and this included a great business mind. That is what he wanted apart from the general stuff, which was his added extra. Sometimes I wonder if he got it in the end, as I seem to be asking him for business advice all the time! As for me, apart from the general stuff (kind, funny, honest, fun, etc.) I had three obscure but really important stipulations for my husband:

  1. I wanted him to fill up the car with petrol and check the oil and water for me before I drove it (my grandfather would be happy about this).
  2. After a heavy night he had to go out and get us a McDonalds to eat in bed (gross, but oh-so appealing).
  3. He had to brush my hair in front of the TV (after 100 strokes you do get a great shine)!

Before we got together, I put these conditions to UH, just to test him out, and this is what he said: “Not only would I fill the car with petrol and check the oil and water, I’d also put a bag of Gummi Bears in the glove box, and a lipstick holder on the visor near the mirror.” And that’s how I knew he was my husband.

So here we are brides: no bridal hairstylist, no florist, but absolute confirmation that I am marrying the right man.

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 1 here.

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 2 here.

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 3 here.

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 4 here.

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 5 here.

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 6 here.

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 7 here.

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 8 here.

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 9 here.

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Read Katie’s wedding diary week 10 here.