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Katie’s Long-Distance Wedding

The departure of UH and a royal invitation...

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Katie real bride blogger week 23

Katie, 33, is in PR, while her ex-soldier H2B Ultimate Hero (UH), 38, is a close protection bodyguard. She’ll be sharing her wedding diary with us in the countdown to her big day on April 30, 2011.

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Well brides, in the words of UH, I am back on my Jack Jones. He left Saturday, and while I promised him I wouldn’t lose it, I did – but only about 50% of normal, in that only the passengers in Terminals 1 and 2 could hear the wailing, whereas normally it’s the whole of Heathrow.

I saved my true breakdown for Sunday, when I dragged myself out of bed at midday and planted myself on the sofa, fending off text messages from loved ones who were concerned for my mental health.

On Friday night, UH announced that he had my Christmas presents and wanted me to open them. I felt like a total idiot, as I thought we were going to do our Christmas presents when he got home. Bless him – he bought me a pair of vibrating massage slippers (who knew such things existed??) and the book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, among other things. How beautiful is the UH?

My ghost is back too. The UH seems to scare her away, but now he is not here she seems to have returned. Last night I was sitting on the sofa and kept hearing small explosions. Either I am having wiring problems in my house, or my ghost is revelling in the fact that my own personal body guard is no longer on duty. On the plus side, I have a full collection of freshly worn Hero hoodies to get me through the next couple of months.

Weirdly, I have also found a very unlikely distraction. After an extensive and lengthy security clearance, I have received an invitation from Clarence House to attend a dinner hosted by ‘His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales’. Can you believe it? Sunday I wedge myself among sofa cushions, sobbing to the hum of my vibrating massage slippers, and Monday I am fishing through my jewellery box searching for gems fit for a prince.

Originally I was told by the business colleague whose table I am on that the dress code was white tie. Now, I had never been to a white tie event, so I wasn’t sure exactly what I was supposed to wear. A Google result announced: ‘It is customary for ladies to wear ballgowns and tiaras to white-tie functions’. Lord, it’s like getting married.

I went into a bit of a panic, as I really didn’t have the funds for an all-out ballgown look. Thankfully, when the invitation arrived it was a black-tie dress code. What do you wear to a royal dinner at St James’s Palace? I can’t look too much like the commoner that I am, but then again there is no hiding it. I can’t pretend to be posh – I appreciate Primark and Pizza Express far too much. There aren’t many opportunities to really dress up these days though, so after consulting the Hero on my royal look, we decided it may be a once in a lifetime opportunity – after all, it could turn out to be the second most important fashion choice of my life.

So I decided on this to-die-for black, Grecian, floor-length Forever Unique dress. It is totally backless with a jewelled neckline that then becomes a T-bar running down the back. The jewels are amber, bronze and red and look so gorgeous. I am going to wear my highest heels and have an oversized gold clutch. Thinking I still wanted to wear something on my head, I excitedly bounded up the stairs to unveil my collection of headpieces – only to discover that the only ones that matched were a feather fascinator and feather headband. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t kind of dried out and ended up looking more like twigs.

Stay tuned for next week, brides, where I’ll give you a full run-down of the lengths I take to get ready for royalty. If I get to meet HRH – apparently people are randomly selected to meet him personally – I will congratulate him on his son’s engagement and politely ask for the use of royal aircraft to ferry my guests up to Norfolk on 29 April. With an additional estimated three million people in London for the royal wedding I’m scared that some of my guests will get caught in traffic. Now what a cracking blog entry that would make!

Katie xxxxx

Read Katie’s wedding diary week 21 (and find links to earlier weeks) here.

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…Or check out her wedding diary week 22 here