Katie’s Long-Distance Wedding

My boot camp year and pictures of the Ultimate Hero in miniature.

Katie Malone blog

Katie, 33, is in PR, while her ex-soldier H2B Ultimate Hero (UH), 38, is a close protection bodyguard. She will be sharing her wedding diary with us in the countdown to her big day on April 30, 2011.


Well Brides, I made it to Norfolk for my traditional British Christmas. Not without my usual drama though. After having such a busy week, I didn’t have time to wash and dry not only my usual clothes, but my yoga clothes that I had littered all over the office over the last few weeks. On starting the first wash the machine orchestrated a succession of very loud noises and then kind of exploded. So it looked like I was going to pitch up to MOUH’S house with a black bin-bag full of semi-wet clothes.

I was so proud of myself for driving the car out of a snowy cocoon, that I forgot to check the tyres and didn’t realise I had a flat, until a man drove up beside me and very dramatically gave me some sign language signals that suggested I was driving on nothing more than a metal rim. After waiting three hours to get back on the road and declining a date from my tyre man (even though I told him I was getting married in four months), I eventually made it to Norfolk. I presented MOUH with a bag full of semi-wet clothes rather than a bunch of festive flowers with little pine cones and cranberries and the panettone I would have purchased had I not been on the roadside for three hours.

It wasn’t until I got up here that I started to feel physical love sickness for UH. I was in his family home with his mum, brother and niece and he wasn’t here. There was all this evidence of him about the place, like his German shepherd Samson lounging about and one of his many cars parked outside. The UH missed his niece’s attempt to master riding her first bike (with stabilisers on) and her re-name the Cabbage Patch Kid I ordered from America (I fear more for myself than her) ‘Margarine’ as she couldn’t pronounce ‘Norma-Jean’ as it read on her birth certificate.

My love sickness intensified as I re-organised all of the UH family photo albums and came across baby Hero pictures. I pondered over a baby, mini and teenage hero and wondered if he had ever had any idea he would end up with a woman so desperately in love with him that it makes her la-la.

Well, New Year is fast approaching and last night, as I was lying in bed, I thought back to the year I have had and I have decided to call it my ‘boot camp’ year. I had an abundance of experiences that I can only understand as being great training for the years ahead.

Here is it in a nutshell.

I had a fall and got a spinal injury. I said goodbye and hello to the Ultimate Hero five times each way at Heathrow. I found my dream wedding dress. I decided to become a ‘Mrs’. I discovered the true intentions of some people in my life. My kitchen ceiling fell in and my washing machine exploded. I became an obsessive watcher of Wedding TV. My brother moved back to Australia leaving me alone with the ghost. I met Prince Charles. I developed an unhealthy obsession for chicken korma. I cried like a baby over my Skype screen to the UH in Iraq countless times. My best friend had her second baby. I split a too-small-dress, exposing part of my backside and I didn’t go to bed once before midnight.

So Brides, my boot camp year has taught me I can do anything. It certainly helps to have UH though. The other day the hero was complaining what a pampered princess I am, so I simply replied that I was a S.W.A.G (security wag). I think it suits me and hey, if your man is away most of the year you might as well make it sound slightly glamorous.

So brides, most of you reading this are getting married in 2011. What a fabulous year it will be. It is only four months away for me and people keep asking me if I am getting nervous. The answer to that is a very certain no; the smartest thing I have ever done is my relationship with the Ultimate Hero. The thing I am most looking forward to brides is the actual ceremony. I am dying to look into the brown twinkly eyes of the hero and proclaim to the cathedral population, Wedding TV viewers and anyone else who will see my wedding footage that I chose him. I picked the UH and I cannot wait to be legally bound to the man, I have never been more certain of anything else in my life. My only concern is finding a hairdresser to deal with this amount of hair and approving of the outfit my mother ends up picking, not the wedding and certainly not my groom.

Happy New Year blushing Brides!

Katie xx


Read Katie’s wedding diary week 25 (and find links to earlier weeks) here.