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Katie’s Long-Distance Wedding

Friends, family and a big-day brainwave...

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Katie’s real bride’s wedding blog

Katie, 33, is in PR, while her ex-soldier H2B Ultimate Hero (UH), 38, is a close protection bodyguard. She will be sharing her wedding diary with us in the countdown to her big day on April 30, 2011.

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So brides, I have four weeks to go ‘til I participate in my ceremonial ‘welcoming home the Hero’ ritual. I was missing him so desperately the other night I asked him if I could please run to him at arrivals, but he thinks it is near impossible for me not to look like a freak when I do.

UH should know: I look at him like he’s an oasis in the desert after I’ve been lost and desperate, wandering among the dunes, being whipped by razor-sharp grains of sand to get to him, a pool of aquamarine tranquillity. No wonder I look like a freak running at the poor guy.

This is how I understand my life without the Hero, although he is actually the one in the desert, and I’m the one who dried my socks on my office radiator this morning because I fell in a puddle on the way to work.

Last weekend was all about the wedding planning. On Saturday I started my bridal fitness countdown, and walked from my home in north-west London to Notting Hill (yes, I dived in at the deep end). I had my Eighties tunes cranked up on my iPod, and imagined as I paced how I would be feeling in the Hummer on the way to the cathedral. I was doing really well until I went past the Hummingbird Bakery and was enticed by a vanilla cupcake with sky blue icing and sprinkles…

On Sunday I went through my mountain of magazines, ripped out all my favourite pages and sorted them into piles. My favourite so far is my ‘wedding poses’ pile, which has UH and me under an arch, strolling by the lake and looking lovingly at each other. At one stage I thought I could roll over the pile of glossy pages and make myself an amazing Technicolor wedding coat (you have strange thoughts when you spend Sundays alone).

Weirdly, my wedding enthusiasm is penetrating the continents. Oracle Nomad rang last week and announced that he is arriving two weeks before the wedding so he can be involved and help out. See brides, it was a great idea to get him poring over You & Your Wedding and Cosmopolitan Bride all those weeks ago (in between Top Model and Four Weddings, naturally). I have created myself somewhat of a protégé – perhaps he’ll can his career in covert security and launch The Oracle Nomad Wedding Planning Service.

Then, after having a tantrum to my family in Sydney, complaining that it takes more than one person to organise a wedding, my brother assured me that if I wrote down a list of duties for him, as soon as he got off the plane he would see to each and every one of them.

That was when it dawned on me. One of my best lightning bolt wedding moments so far. The UH has a box full of radio headsets upstairs, left over from his days looking after celebrities and politicians. I am going to wire up the wedding party. I can’t believe I haven’t thought about this already. It will be just like the Sex and the City episode where Carrie struts the catwalk and the PR says ‘Carrie go!’. I am going to produce my cathedral rehearsal like Milan Fashion Week. ‘Bridesmaid one, go – not too much bum, a little slower, be fierce…’.

I think the headsets will be of most value to me on the morning of the wedding, when incidentally UH and me will be staying at the same hotel. I am determined to not clap eyes on him, or him on me.

I’ll be all: ‘Bridesmaid two, identify the location of the UH. Over and out.

‘Bridesmaid three, locate the breakfast menu. Over and out.’ OK, in this instance we will most likely be in the same room, but I might as well milk the idea.

I am not sure, brides, if we really can stay in the same hotel. What if he accidentally sees me in the gardens getting the photos taken before he leaves for the cathedral? I would hate it. I want the UH to only see me as I appear in the arch of the cathedral doors and make my cathedral-catwalk debut. I bet I wish I still had my headset on to tell the best man to whisper to the UH how beautiful he looks, and how much I love him.

Until next week, brides, when I can tell you about my wall-sized table-plan chart that has arrows and hearts all over it, trying to link the potential romances together. Perhaps I can hand the headsets over to a dedicated match-making team? Now there is an idea!

Katie xx

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Read Katie’s wedding diary week 28 (and find links to earlier weeks) here.