Real wedding: The ceremony

Our favourite lighthearted wedding readings

Searching for the perfect readings for your ceremony? We've got you covered with a selection guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Wedding readings are one of your chances to show off your personalities and communicate something unique about your relationship in front of the congregation. They’re also a great way of saying how you feel when you’re struggling to find the words yourself!

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 There are plenty of wedding reading options out there, including religious wedding readings needed for church weddings, readings from books and song lyrics. Depending on the tone you wish to set, you can also choose tear-jerking quotes or nostalgic extracts from childhood books. Our personal fave wedding readings however are the ones that make us laugh.

Weddings are, of course, filled with love and happiness, but they don’t come without their fair share of nerves, and we think the best way to shake off any tension is to laugh it off. A funny wedding reading is an ideal choice for breaking up ceremonies and providing some entertainment for guests.

From long reads for confident speakers to short and sweet pieces guaranteed to put a smile on the faces of your guests, we’ve rounded up the best lighthearted wedding readings that we can find.

Whether it’s a quirky poem or a movie moment, each has a unique take on what it means to be married and spend the rest of your lives together and there’s a spin suitable for every couple. Check them out, read them out loud and select the reading that puts the biggest smile on your face.

Yes, I’ll Marry You by Pam Ayres

‘Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!’

A Word to Husbands by Ogden Nash

‘To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong admit it;
Whenever you’re right shut up.’

Real wedding: The ceremony

I Wanna Be Yours by John Cooper Clarke

‘I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours’

I wanna be your raincoat
For those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
When you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
Take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
You’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
Hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
That’s how deep is my devotion.’
 

Marriage by Anon

‘Marriage is about giving and taking
And forging and forsaking
Kissing and loving and pushing and shoving
Caring and Sharing and screaming and swearing

About being together whatever the weather
About being driven to the end of your tether
About Sweetness and kindness
And wisdom and blindness

It’s about being strong when you’re feeling quite weak
It’s about saying nothing when you’re dying to speak
It’s about being wrong when you know you are right
It’s about giving in, before there’s a fight
It’s about you two living as cheaply as one

(you can give us a call if you know how that’s done!)

Never heeding advice that was always well meant
Never counting the cost until it’s all spent
And for you two today it’s about to begin
And for all that the two of you had to put in
Some days filled with joy, and some days with sadness
Too late you’ll discover that marriage is madness.’

Real wedding: The ceremony

 

I Rely On You by Hovis Presley

‘I rely on you
like a camera needs a shutter
like a gambler needs a flutter
like a golfer needs a putter
like a buttered scone involves some butter

I rely on you

like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve
like a hairpin needs a drastic curve
like an HGV needs endless derv
like an outside left needs a body swerve

I rely on you

like a handyman needs pliers
like an auctioneer needs buyers
like a laundromat needs driers
like The Good Life needed Richard Briers

I rely on you.’

 

I’ll Be There For You by Louise Cuddon

‘I’ll be there my darling, through thick and through thin
When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin
When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train.
When life is just threatening to drive you insane
When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page
When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age
When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warm
When the forecast said “Fine”, but you’re out in a storm
When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum
And your holiday photos show only your thumb

When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bay
And return to discover you’ve been towed away
When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste
Just stick on your hips and don’t reach round your waist
When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes
When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes

So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear…
When you break a rule, when you act the fool
When you’ve got the flu, when you’re in a stew
When you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue
’cause I’m telling you, I’ll be there.’

When Harry met Sally (Excerpt)

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“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”