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12 things that WILL happen on your hen night

Because what happens on a hen night stays on a hen night...

You’ve had cupcakes and other sugary goodness on your bridal shower, but now it’s time for things to go a bit crazy. Whether your hen party is a reined-in occasion or a no-holds-barred night of debauchery, there are some things that are just bound to happen. From the get-ready to the achey morning after, allow us to run through the definite list of events that will take place on your hen night…

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1. You will be late

‘I’m on the way, I promise.’ You’re not. In fact, you’re still in your dressing gown with wet hair and a half finished face of makeup with a glass of wine in-hand. Your taxi isn’t even arriving for another 40 minutes. But, it’s a bride-to-be’s prerogative to be late, right?

2. You will be greeted by dodgy sex toys

For some reason, penis straws are only funny on hen parties – as are blow-up dolls and other suspicious paraphernalia. If tacky things make you physically recoil, you’ll need to seriously suck up your pride come hen night.

3. You will drink copious amounts of shots

If there’s one signifier of a hen night, it’s the endless trays of shots, shots and more shots. First Jägermeister, then Sambuca, and then the ones that curdle in your mouth. 

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4. Someone will go home early

There’s always one. It’s only 9pm and the night is young, yet one over-enthusiastic hen has already hit the Sauvignon Blanc a little too hard and is making a beeline for a taxi home. Just make sure if you’re the b2b, you don’t end up being that person.

5. There will be en-masse loo trips

Bathroom visits have always been a social occasion for some much needed night-out gossip, make-up application and mirror selfies. That only increases ten-fold on a hen night. Bonus points must be given for a group picture with the toilet attendant – and if she gives you one of her Chuppa Chups.

6. Your mum will get drunk

Have you ever seen your mum sinking more than just a couple of vodka lemonades? How about dancing on the podium to Calvin Harris? Us neither – until our hen night. And that’s before we even start on a game of ‘I have never’. Be prepared to cover your ears.

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7. Someone will cry

There’s always a few tears on a girls night out, but with emotions running high, you and your best girls are bound to have a little weep about the fact you’re getting married (eek!) at some point in the night.

8. There will be emotional drunk confessions

You know that embarrassing secret you’ve been hiding for months because you’re too shy to tell anyone? It’s going to come out on your hen night. But, remember, sharing is caring: expect to hear stories dating back to university, school, and beyond that will make you laugh until it hurts.

9. You will take your shoes off

There comes a point on every night when those shoes that looked oh-so-beautiful five hours ago now feel like weapons of torture. And, let’s be honest: is there a better feeling in the entire world than releasing your feet from pinching stilettos and placing your soles on the cold, soothing ground?

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10. You will drunk call your h2b

Your hen night is quite possibly the only time your man will appreciate a call at 2am to tell him you’re having the best night of your life. Although, he might not enjoy a screamy speakerphone call quite so much…

11. You will get Facebook photo fear

It’s the morning after, you’re feeling groggy, and one uber-keen hen has already uploaded 100+ pics of the night before. You’d rather not have been reminded of that 3am kebab, but there it is for full inspection by your 469 friends. A note to all hens: Instagram filter before Facebook upload, please!

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12. You will learn that what happens on tour, stays on tour

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There’s nothing quite like the smug inner smile you’ll have when your groom/colleagues/granny ask you “so, how was your hen night?” Whatever happens, one thing’s for sure: it’ll definitely bring you all closer together.