Photo | Rex
1. Sooo… are you loving married life?
Hmm, let me think. Given that it’s been all of 5 minutes since we got married, I’m inclined to say no.
2. When are you having babies
Unless you would like us to keep you update on our sex life and ovulating schedule, we’d like to keep this private please! Also, see above point.
3. Your wedding was lovely, but…
But WHAT mother, WHAT?!
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4. Is it weird knowing you’ll only have sex with this one person for the rest of your life?
Ah man, if only we’d thought of that BEFORE we got married.
5. Now you’re married, you can let yourself go a bit.
Cool, because I was thinking of stopping shaving and shower altogether.
6. Enjoy the honeymoon period, it won’t last once you have kids
It’s always good to hear a bit of positive advice when you tie the knot.
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7. So, are you going to try for kids on honeymoon?
Sure, it’s not like we’re allowed a bit of a breather or anything after planning a wedding for a year.
8. You’re an old ball and chain now HAHA
Honestly, never funny.
9. Your wedding was lovely and everything, but I don’t really believe in marriage.
Aw that’s sweet, well we don’t believe in people raining on our parade, so…
10. Now you can just quit work to have babies, right?
Yes, because when we got married we hopped on a time machine to the 1950s.
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11. You know you don’t HAVE to change your name, right?
Whether you want to keep your name, change it or hyphenate, it is entirely your prerogative!
12. Your wedding must’ve cost you a bomb
We’d rather not be reminded that we spent the equivalent of a house deposit on our big day, thank you!
13. Apparently 50% of marriages end in divorce, but that won’t be you!
Thanks for the pep talk.
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14. You’ll feel totally different now you’re married
No pressure then.
15. Are you sad the wedding’s over?
Yeah, because there’s nothing left to live for now, is there? (Alright, it IS sad not planning colour schemes anymore.)
16. Do you get on with your mother-in-law?
We recommend just asking them the same question.
17. We’ll never see you now you’re a boring married couple
Oh that’s cool, because you’re not getting an invite to our super boring party.