“When we received an invitation to our friends’ wedding they included their bank details on the back for transferring cash gifts. I get that couples may want cash rather than standard gifts but I’d at least like to give a card and a cheque. Otherwise it feels like buying a ticket to an event rather than being invited to a wedding!”
Reader response! Toad Bride says:
In terms of including bank details on wedding invites I can see exactly why it has happened. The younger generation do everything electronically and barely use cheques – I don’t have a chequebook and haven’t stood in a bank queue for years! But for me it is impersonal and perhaps a wedding is a time when you should get over the irritation of bank queues and be grateful for whatever you receive in whatever format. I wouldn’t do it.
“If there’s going to be a cash-only bar at the reception this should be mentioned on the invitation. If a guest turns up to an unfamiliar area and can’t find a cashpoint, they might have to stick with a glass of water all night!”
You’re right, this would be useful to include on the invitation but it’s also worth taking a bit of cash to a wedding anyway as it will come in handy for any unexpected taxis etc.
“I was invited to my friend’s wedding ceremony and to the evening reception but not the wedding breakfast! So I had to go and hang around in a pub for a few hours and eat a fish finger sandwich while all the other guests enjoyed a slap-up meal!”
We reckon the bride was just trying to be nice and include you in the ceremony despite initially classing you as an evening guest. We’re sure she would have understood if you’d declined the ceremony offer and met them in the evening instead. That said, who doesn’t love a fish finger sandwich?!
“I can’t stand it when someone’s offspring is screaming their little lungs off during the ceremony and the parents don’t take them out of the room. It ruins it for everyone.”
Most parents with young children like to sit at the back of the room so they can escort a wailing youth out if they need to. But maybe it was family and they needed to sit at the front? They were also probably trying everything they could to calm the baby down.
“My friend sent me a Save The Date card so I cleared my calendar and started to get excited. When the actual invite came six months later I discovered I was just an evening guest. I’d blocked out my whole day for it and was very disappointed to learn it was just an evening thing!”
We understand your pain! It’s unusual for brides to send Save The Dates to evening guests so this doesn’t happen a lot. Any brides who want to make sure their evening guests keep the date free should definitely make the timings clear and avoid any confusion or awkwardness!
“The problem with a buffet wedding is the greedy guests that go up and fill their plates full with no leftovers for the rest of us at table number 10! If you’re having a buffet, make sure there’s enough food.”
We’re thinking this was obviously an oversight, and we’re sure brides would be horrified to learn that there was a shortage of food! It might be better for the brides to splash out on catered buffets, so there are people serving the food onto plates – this would avoid any greedy guzzlers taking too much. That said, people should be filling their stomachs if they’re planning to drink a lot!
“My friends held their wedding reception 80 miles away from their church, which meant guests had to travel for an hour and a half in between the ceremony and meal. It wasn’t good – it really broke up the day and made the whole thing feel quite disjointed and over too quickly.”
This obviously isn’t ideal but remember that some brides have had their heart set on a beautiful church since they were old enough to wear a pillowcase as a veil. Perhaps they looked around for the perfect nearby reception venue but had no luck and went for quality over mileage?
“I’ve been to lots of weddings that were badly organised when it came to setting up the dancefloor after dinner and all the guests have to wait around in a sealed-off room. It’s always a bit of a lull and kills the atmosphere.”
Brides are getting more creative with their entertainment and running order these days, so hopefully this won’t be a continuing problem for much longer. We agree that guests should never be left bored and this might be the perfect time for a magician or some singing waiters. Of course for a summer wedding, it’s easily fixed as guests can wait outside in the pretty gardens.
“I went to a wedding with a buffet meal and even though I was in touching distance of the food, I had to wait for an hour and a half before it was my turn to fill my plate – bad organisation!”
This probably wasn’t the way the bride wanted it to go either. But the last thing she needs is the news that things weren’t perfect and tummies were rumbling. Make sure you stock up on canapes and a few boiled sweets in your handbag to keep you going at the next wedding.
“I reckon I spend about £1,000 on every wedding I go to – the most expensive was for my friend who decided to hold her hen do in a luxury villa in Italy. Of course it was amazing fun, but I spent the next few months paying it off, just in time to fork out some more cash for the equally lavish wedding, which meant staying in a £200-per-night hotel! Oh, and then the gift. Even though brides say they don’t want a gift, can you really get away with not giving them one?”
Yes, weddings are expensive but the bride has probably done everything she can to keep costs down. Don’t forget that she and the groom are paying for your very nice dinner and lots of alcohol. And let’s face it, you’d probably spend the same amount on a couple of nights on the town. Let your hair down and forget about money!
“My best friend asked me to be her bridesmaid and then my boyfriend of 11 years broke up with me. I found it really hard to be happy for her and I feel that she wasn’t at all supportive. I guess when you’re the bride you don’t want anyone to steal your thunder or put a downer on things. It took me a while to realise this and I got on with being a good bridesmaid.”
Break-ups are awful and you can’t help feeling sorry for yourself while everyone else seems to be getting on with their lives. Don’t take it personally – you are very special to your friend but they have a lot going on, too. Planning a wedding takes up a lot of time and can sometimes be a bit stressful, so she probably wasn’t feeling 100% either.
“When did it become such a trend to make your wedding last for a week rather than for one day? We went to a wedding in Croatia and were only given the option to stay for the whole week! We had a full itinerary of group activities planned and there was no time to relax with my partner alone. Why isn’t it enough for brides to stick with one day?”
Let’s put down the negativity stick and get involved with the long, fun holiday, shall we? No one wants to be known as the grumpy guest who did nothing but moan all week. If money is an issue, explain to the bride that you’ll only make it for some of the festivities – she will understand.
“I went to my uni friend’s wedding with my boyfriend and when it came to the meal we discovered he was the only boy on the table. He felt so awkward and bored throughout – why didn’t the bride consider how he would feel about it?”
Hmm, we’re struggling with this one. It might be that there weren’t enough “couple friends” to balance things out and the bride probably felt bad about it. Don’t make her feel worse!
“I recently went to a wedding on a Monday. Who gets married on a Monday?! It meant I had to take two days off work and holiday days are very precious so I’m not sure I’d like to do that again.”
The bride probably saved about £6,000 choosing a Monday instead of a Saturday. We all know days off are precious but you don’t have to go to the wedding if you really don’t want to – how much does the bride mean to you?
Have these guests annoyed you? Have your say and reply to them in the comments box below.