The essential wedding glossary for grooms

Does your husband-to-be glaze over every time you talk wedding? Chances are he hasn’t a clue what you’re on about. Remember he won't know the wedding terms we've all been making secret Pinterest boards about for the last two years. This is all new to him, and there's some bridal language that isn't as self-explanatory as you might think. Take a look at wedding-words from the man’s perspective…

Dry hire


He says: Wait, is this a venue that doesn’t allow booze? Surely not!

We say: A blank canvas event space where you bring in everything from chairs and linen to glassware and of course the alcohol to fill it.


Exclusive use

He says: Is this the modern version of the ‘forsaking all others’ bit of the vows?

We say: Good guess, but wrong again! This is venue speak for taking over the entire property including any accommodation and outside space.

Fake tiers

He says: Is this what I’m meant to muster up when she walks down the aisle?

We say: If the cost of your dream seven-tier cake is actually making your eyes water, substitute decorated polystyrene layers for the same impact on a budget.


He says: Like, sexual favours?

We say: There’ll be no time for funny business when you’re packaging your 112th jar of homemade jam – a tiny gift to leave at each guest’s place setting.


He says: Think I saw that recently on 50 Shades of Grey.

We say: True, but in this context it’s a bouquet style that’s looser and less structured than a posy, where each flower is wired into place.


Illusion neckline

He says: Invisible on top? Is that even allowed?

We say: A pretty lace or tulle layer that lies over the décolletage on a wedding dress.

Laser cut

He says: Is this what happens when you get hit by a light sabre?

We say: Lasers are involved but to much prettier effect in this stationery style where intricate patterns are burned into card.


He says: Don’t you mean MILF?

We say: Excuse you! That’s no way to talk about your future Mother ILaw (see also: MOB).



He says: Is this one of the lunar phases between crescent and full moon?

We say: If you’ve blown the budget on the reception but still want to get away try a shorter break to a short-haul destination. Full honeymoon to follow.


He says: Tony Soprano taught me everything I know about the mafia.

We say: That’s one interpretation though the Mother Of the Bride can demand as much respect as any don.


He says: I could do with one of these to help decipher whether my fiancée is having a good or bad planning day.

We say: Not her mood, the mood you’re looking to create on the day. This digital or paper-based collage holds all your pictorial inspiration in one place.



He says: We definitely covered that one in Sex Ed.

We say: Get your mind out of the gutter. This acronym stands for Save the Date and you should send them out up to a year in advance.


He says: I think you misspelled wedding…


We say: Wedding + admin = wedmin. See what we did there?